💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › UXU › uxu-098.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 15:02:08.
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Utopia ] [ By The GNN ]
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UTOPIA
by THE GNN/DualCrew/uXu
"Unauthorized access prohibited. Offenders will be MUTILATED."
(Sedes D.)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A cynic.
PREFACE
Dream: "Oops! I failed again!"
Truth: "SHIT FUCKING SHIT HELL DAMN FUCK THIS DAMN SHIT!"
"What happened?", you will ask yourself.
INTRODUCTION TO THE UTOPIA
The world is boring and telling truths about yourself to yourself is only
depressing. But is it not incredible irritating to go out and have some
fun when you must be presented to Jerks all the time. Bah! People show up
at the local pubs or bars with strange cousins, brothers,
friends-from-god-know-where and they just HAVE to introduce them to you.
Yes, it is okay to say hello and then continue drinking that expensive beer
or keep talking to that nice-looking girl. BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF IT!
These Jerks just have to keep talking shit to you. Even when you begin to
act slightly unfriendly they keep staying. How do you explain to a Jerk
that he is a Jerk? So the nice night turns into yet another depressing
moment in life when the Jerk need an explanation why you asked him to piss
off and get his ass to several places around the globe.
So you get another reason to argue and it will eventually turn into a
fight which will end rather quick when some pseudo-saint fellow separates
you from the Jerk. After screaming various nasty words to each other you
go home to forget it all. Next weekend it is all the same. Why do people
keep asking about reasons to suicide?
ABOUT ALCOHOL
You work all day long and when you have a free moment you want orgasms.
But of course, other people who want to feel that they are so incredible
intelligent will stop you. They demand an end to the drinking and smoking.
If possible, they would probably stop sex too. Do they really believe that
life is so damn fun when constructing ovens eight hours a day that you can
forget all about it without alcohol?
DEMOCRACY
The word "democracy" has been compared with god itself. Everything that
is good is "democracy". Everything bad are places that does not have
"democracy". WHAT FUCKING DEMOCRACY? The only thing you can do is to
choose (haha) between different bad things. All of them consists of mad
idiots who see themselves as Jesus Christ (with the exception that THEY can
crucify whoever or whatever they want). But if you discover that the
smiling fag you voted for last time turns out to be yet another child who
want to show his pals in other countries that he has got the biggest toys,
then what can you do? NOTHING. He will sit there until the time is ready
for yet another election. A bunch of lies are presented to you again and
oops, he is there again.
THEN WHAT?
Ok, so you get a rather good life with many moments of joy and happiness.
Then what? Do you honestly believe that it will end calm and peaceful? No
way! You will probably die in a very ridiculous way like swallowing a
tooth-pick at a cocktail party or fart by an open fire and explode.
CHECK OF THE PRESENT SITUATION
Let us say that you manage to write interesting files and finally join
some known text file group. It does not matter how good files you write,
sooner or later another guy will join and produce one or two files. After
that he will tell You how to write Your files or why not how to run the
entire group!
EXAMPLE
Let me tell you a story from my own life (some people just love to write
files about themselves - but I try to avoid it (but in this case, it can be
quite interesting)). I was awaiting a rather large sending of guns to my
paintball company from a salesman. It was supposed to come to Sweden from
England on thursday and arrive to my office the next day. I was not
surprised at all when the phone rang and I was informed that the sending
had not arrived. Nobody did not really know why, but the company in
England claimed that they had sent everything in time. Days passed and one
week later the sending finally arrived. The delay had been caused due to
some idiot who imported marmalade. Marmalade? Yes, he had not bothered to
get permission to trade anything and the custom stopped everything in the
truck who carried a lot of things - including my stuff. So, now finally my
stuff came over the border and it would be in my hands the next day. I was
not at all surprised when the phone rang and I was informed that everything
had been stolen during the night. Someone probably knew that the sending
had arrived and struck the company. "Don't worry", the salesman told me.
"We will immediately call and ask for an emergency transport of new guns.
It will be here in two days. It will be on your desk by the end of this
week!". I sure hoped so, because now it began to really burn under my
feet. We had the entire weekend fully booked and we must get the guns!
Friday came, and I was not at all surprised when I found no parcels in my
box. I called the salesman and asked him whatthehell had happened. He
swore on his mothers grave that he had sent the stuff by express and that
it must be at some mail terminal. After dozens of calls I gave up. I
could not trace it to any main terminal and the staff working there could
not find it. Then the phone rang again. It was the salesman again.
"Eh, well, uh, I checked again and it seems like it have been small
misunderstanding here...".
"What?" I must admit that my voice sounded rather annoyed.
"It has been sent by economy mail. By mistake..."
Economy mail takes three days. I am still waiting for it.
DEATH
People see Death as the ultimate crime. War is horrible and murder is so
incredible bad, bad, bad. So what? We are all going to die sooner or
later. We are only a piece of dust in the eternal cosmos and planet Earth
will not stay forever. It will die and disappear and no one will notice it
because it was only here for a brief moment of time, compared to the real
time found in space.
THE KING IS DEAD
Who is the king? I do not know, but he is dead. Long live the king.
EVERYBODY
People need to make themselves more important than they are. They enjoy
to complain and argue with other just to be seen. The best thing you can
do when meeting such a person is to listen to his stream of crap and then
give him or her a good kick in the ass. Then you have stated your opinion.
You do not care to even argue with the individual, you just kick. That
should do it. You do not waste time to tell the truth.
SO-CALLED FRIENDS
There is nothing called "real friends". Note that I did not use the word
"nowadays", since it has never ever existed any real friends through
history. It is all about give and take from each other. If you have
nothing to offer your "friend" he/she will not be especially interested any
more. Money, sex, laughs, things etc. Give away to those who can offer
you something in return... and when you are empty, bye bye...
EPILOGUE
"What happened", you will ask yourself.
"Was is really life I just experienced?"
"No, must have been a practical joke", you say and try to sleep again.
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Call the ANYONE BBS - WHAT NUMBER?
But I guess uXu will also be at your service - check the INDEX file.
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You never speak to me now that you have a word processor.