💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › UXU › uxu-044.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 15:00:20.
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Golf Ball Enjoyment ] [ By Phearless ]
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GOLF BALL ENJOYMENT
by
Phearless
for
uXu
We all know what happens if you put a golf ball in a microwave oven, and
switch it on... BANG! And you'll have a brand new kitchen to redecorate.
Now... with such a devastating effect, you can have great fun, right?
But how could we make our enemies/non-friends to put a golf ball in their
microwave? You probably have your own ideas about how to perform this your
own way... However, for you out there looking for new ideas, read on and
enjoy.
Specific target/victim, the situation...
Your girlfriend was out with your best friend "having fun" yesterday, you
are not feeling too great about this so you think she's got to be taught
a lesson (for life?). She's got frozen brownies (big ones) in her freezer.
You know that she Always un-freeze them in the microwave... well there
you have it. You pick up one of the brownies from the freezer and let
it unfreeze (in room temperature... you don't want to microwave it :) ).
When it's soft enough, you dig out the core of the brownie and put a
(guess what) golf ball in it. Then "close" the brownie so there's no sign
of it being prepared. Now, put it back in the freezer among the other
cookies and brownies.
Ok, now just go steady with her as usual (yeah, you "don't know" about her
little "accident" with your best friend, right?), until one day you're at
work and get an urgent call from the local hospital...
The police will later on probably ask what's happened... and there will
probably be evidence enough to tell it was a golf ball that was the cause
of the explosion. Now what will you say? Suggestions;
a) - "Well Mr Policeman, we had a break-in earlier this year, and they
raided the freezer too, they only left some pork and some
cookies and brownies. They might have put it in one of the brownies!
What?
No, we didn't report the break-in, since no money was missing, we
thought the police had more important things to do."
b) - "Yeah, I put it in a brownie, I've read about golf balls and
putting them in microwave ovens. I never had an IDEA! that it would
be dangerous! I thought it would only cause a loud noise when
exploding! I truly regret what I have done, and hope that she will
forgive me." <- You'll get jail for this one!
Ok. Now you probably have a dozen of your own ideas, so I'll not keep you
occupied reading this. Go out and ruin someone's day/life now!
Phearless.. writing for Underground eXperts United... in January... 1992.
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