💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › UXU › uxu-025.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 14:59:41.
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ 101 Uses For The "Tower Of Power" ] [ By THE CHIEF ]
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wOw! | | # # # | |
| | # # | | Awesome!
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Amazing! |_________________|
------------------------------- Cool!
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Unbelievable! | |||||||||| |_____| |
------------------------------- Super!
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I bet you all have your old XT stuffed away in your basement or
perhaps under that dirty laundry in your cupboard, but no more!
Today, we will learn how to still have fun and pleasure with our
ancient friend! How unbelievable that may seem.
First a few words about what "other" people say about their XT.
Most of them claim that they have upgraded it to be as fast as
any 286 of today (no one actually admits they really have an XT
because that's really embarrassing). Second, they say it will
out-run any other computer known to man. After you have explained
to them that there are faster computers, say a ZX81 or something
the standard "corporate computist" never have heard of, he/she
will immediately say that "Actually, I just borrowed it from
my dumb neighbor to see if it was faster than my, hmm.. ZX81!"
and then they go on. (Yes, it's true! Most XTs are owned by
company-computists who spent their lives in front of mono VT52-
terminals.)
Now let's see what we can do about them ol' XTs.
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USES FOR THE "TOWER OF POWER"
1) ..as a toy for the kids.
Just do a little lobotomy, make four small holes symmetrically
placed in the four corners of the box, and insert some skateboard
wheels (just use the average "hammer and nail" way) into the holes
then take a piece of rope, fasten it to the two front-nails and
you'll have a nice toy-car for your kids. You can use the motherboard
as seat. Hint: The 5 1/4" DD works great as a pedal or gear-stick.
Another great hint: Place the monochrome in front of the box, connect
it to your video and insert the tape with Cannonball Run II. It gives
You a chance to participate in the race!
2) ..as a collection box.
This will replace your old C-64 collection box, because it is so BIG!
You will be amazed when you realize how much you actually can fit in
this "tower of power". In fact, you could use it as a collection box
for your old C-64 collection boxes! You could fit as many as four or
five of them even! If you already have thrown out those C-64 boxes as
the rest of us, you still can make use of this great piece of
equipment. Video tapes, cassettes or those operating system manuals
are ideal too. Those long print-outs are also well placed in one of
these. Hint: The motherboard is very useful as a separator if you
choose to have different things in the box. Also, the 5 1/4" DD works
wonders as support for books.
3) ..as a place for your pet(s).
Is your dog complaining about the hard floor? Does your ants
seem to disappear one by one, just to re-appear between the
slices of toast, in your bed or just in your shoes? Then you
have a chance to change all that! The XT is a wonderful home
for any pet. Lots of things to explore on the motherboard,
the 5 1/4" DD and if you're fond of your pet, you can plug
it in, to keep your pet warm, to have ventilation and your
pet will always have light from the green "power" light.
4) ..as a plate.
Imagine the faces of your guests when you serve soup in an old
XT! What a great way to show them you're a professional! Other
good meals are macaroni surprise, mashed potato or just about
anything clammy, floating will do. Then just smash the motherboard
and mix it with the meal. Your guests will never notice and you'll
save money too!
5) ..as a fruit bowl.
Here we have a great thingie to surprise your friends. To show
them you're a real "hacker", you should at least have a couple
of these placed on strategic places. If they don't seem to notice
them, just leave the motherboard in there, mixed with the fruit
or candy. When they get an 8088 instead of an apple, I promise
you, they will notice. Wonderful at parties to break the ice.
6) ..as fireplace.
This one is quite neat. You can use it both inside and outside
your house. Great for those garden parties where you can fill the
box with coal, spray some lighter-liquid on it, and light it up!
Then, place the pan, or whatever you generally use and then meat,
hamburgers, hotdogs or whatever you're having. No risk of fires
and the smoke will leave through those screw-holes on the sides
of the box. You'll never get that nasty, sticking smoke in your
hair or eyes again! Inside the house, it makes a great cosy
fireplace for those cold and rainy nights and you won't be
disturbed by smoke or anything!
7) ..as a bird's nest.
Hammer a nail through the bottom of the box. Take the bottom of
your old C-64 and place it like this:
|---------> The XT Box
--------------
| ( ) |
| ( --)---|-----> The C-64 bottom
| ( ) |
| ( ) |
| ( ) |
| ( ) |
| ( []-)---|-----> A Small hole for the
A piece of wood as ---->|------------| birds to enter & exit
a place to land on --------------
Then just climb up a tree, and fasten it with the nail in the
bottom of the box to the tree. Voila! A great house for the local
bird family.
8) ..as camping-trip toilet.
Just put some soft stuff on the sharp corners at the top like a
sweater, t-shirt or something and you'll have a great time.
Hint: Make a 16x16 cm hole in the bottom of the box if you intend
to use it outside. Another hint: DON'T if you plan on having it
inside.
9) ..as a goldfish bowl.
All you have to do here is to cut a 8x8 cm hole in each side of
the box and replace the metal with glass or plexiglass. Fill the
box with water, and put the fish in there. Your fish will Love the
8088 chip, circuits and resistors as decoration, and can easily
find its place in life, as well as get an education in ancient
electronics.
10) ..as a shoe-box for all of the neighborhood kids and yourself.
11) ..as a foot & water-hold for your christmas tree.
12) ..as a hair-dryer. Just plug it in, and you're on your way!
13) ..for those gang wars. Surprise your enemies by hitting them
on their heads with an old XT. They'll be too surprised to
fight back.
14) ..to keep your shrinked heads collection in order. When the
police arrive to search your house for those missing persons,
they'll never look inside your running computer! Great hiding place.
15) ..as an electric chair.
Think of all the fun you'd have, connecting the metal box to
the high voltage outlet, making small hand-cuffs on the edges
and use the monochrome monitor as the back of the chair. The
fella you want to execute sure won't suspect a thing when you
ask him to "sit on your computer". Then turn on the monitor
for starters, to get that extra static electricity runnin',
and then, Pull the power-lever. SZZZZZZZZZZT! (frickle) (giggle)
As a bonus, you fry that boring 8088 too.
16) ..as something to tie to the end of a "just got married" car.
17) ..as luggage! You can pack your condoms, toothbrush and whatever
Your "thing" is into one of these. Perfect for those one-nighters.
18) ..as a skateboard. Just apply the same rules as on No.1 but
disregard the rope-thing.
19) ..for practical jokes.
You can use the XT for about 82 practical jokes. Just think for
a while and you'll be fine. We don't write those here for your
own pleasure/safety. We just let you know that there Are 81 good
practical jokes.
20) ...to write dumb-ass textfiles on how to use one.
So, with 82 practical jokes and 19 other uses, we
have filled out quote of 101 ways. Stay really cool!
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(!) 1991 THE CHIEF & uXu Productions
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