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Underground Legion of Terroristic Research Activists
Sinister X --- Agent Cyclone --- Drug Lord
Ultra File #6 March 22, 1991
Become a Quick-Change Artist - written by Drug Lord
----------------------------
Many people are looking for easy ways to make money, and this way seems to
be one of the easiest. All it takes is a little intelligence, some simple
math skills, and the ability to bullshit out of a bad situation.
There are a few different ways to approach this method or ripoff schemes,
so I will explain a few of them and let you choose whichever suits you best.
There is quite a bit of risk involved in this, so how much you prepare for it
depends on how badly you want to get busted.
The best places are grocery stores or other lame stores such as K-Mart or
Wal-Mart. There are a few things that you should test for so that you can get
to know what the store is like and what the employees are like. Do these
things a few days before you ever start trying this. Go through a line and
see if they will give you change for a $5 bill. Just ask for five ones or
something. This way you can see what they have to do to open their drawer.
Some registers require a supervisor's key in order to make change. This way
you will know whether or not a manager will be called when you are making your
move.
Look for new employees. Find ones that are 1-2 weeks old and don't know much
about everything going on. This isn't necessary, it is just a step in your
favor. Now that you know all this, you are ready to bullshit your way into
making some extra dough.
First write a phone number on one side of a $20 bill. It doesn't really matter
which side it is on, but you might want to just put it on the back because
bills are placed face up in a cash register. Buy a few inexpensive items in
the store. Try to get them to total an odd amount such as $3.71 or $4.29 so
that the numbers aren't easily calculated. Now go to a lane with lots of people
and one that moves generally fast (ie: express lane). The people and the speed
of the lane will put the extra pressure on the cashier to hurry up so that they
can continue which helps add to the confusion.
Now for the kill. After the cashier rings your order up, hand him the $20 bill
with the phone number on it. After they give you your change back, get a
dumb expression on your face (this is generally the easy part). Tell him that
there is a phone number on the back of the $20 bill that you need to see.
After he hands you the $20 then give him a $5 bill and ask for 4 singles and
change for a dollar for the Coke machine outside, or the newspaper machine, or
whatever. Now he is worried about giving you the correct change, and isn't
concentrating on the $20 he gave you back. After this it is just general
bullshit. You can ask him what time they close, or where some place is that
you really know is like next door. Apologize for the inconvenience and leave.
Don't seemed rushed to get out the door. The other people in line will be
bitching enough, therefore putting pressure on the cashier to hurry the fuck
up before they complain.
Added notes ---
It would also help if you had an accomplice. It seems pretty stupid to say
this, but here it goes anyway for the dumb asses that might fuck it up. Don't
talk to this accomplice and don't let anyone know you are together. Get about
one order apart so that your accomplice is behind the customer behind you.
While the cashier is fooling around with giving you the correct change, this
person can say something like "Hurry up, I'm late for work!" or other things
that might speed it along.
Added bonus ---
A cheap way of short changing is to have an accomplice in front of you buy
something, give the cashier a $20 bill (phone number on the back) and then
leave as normal. Then, when you go to pay for your order you give them a $5
bill and then when they give you the change you tell them that you gave them
a $20 bill because you can prove it....and then recite the phone number on the
back of the $20 bill for them. This usually works. That way you make an easy
$15.
Be sure you remember the phone number on the back. Also make sure the number
is local to you and would sound logical. And of course, if the fucking manager
gets called, then just bullshit your way out by giving a sob story about that
being the $20 bill that your girlfriend wrote her number on when you all
started going out, and it has sentimental value.
===============================================================================
Just wanted to say "hey" to Sinister X and Agent Cyclone. I told you I would
get to writing the files. Be sure to look for more ULTRA files. Their new,
up-to-date....and ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
--- Drug Lord
U.L.T.R.A.