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The Lawless Society
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Welcome To The Lawless Society. Issue #7.
Well this is the 7th issue of TLS. Lucky number 7. The following file is an
article ripped from the pages of Playboy. It comes from the June 1992 issue.
This article is a bit humorous but should also be taken seriously. Sex in the
90's can kill you. But other than that, if you're a man, you have a real good
chance of ending up in jail if you're not careful about what you do. I hope
you guys enjoy it, here goes...
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The Stud Muffin Quiz
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Let us assume for the moment that you are a genuine stud muffin. You are
an attractive man and you like women. Sometimes they like you. You date a
lot and there are a number of notches on your dick. For you, sex is not
complicated. Sex is fun and games and you would like to play forever.
But something strange is happening in your world. Mr. Happy is fine, but
the society you live in is growing darker and more angry. There are new
complexities to the dating game. Terms like date rape and acquaintance rape
and he-said-she-said incidents are cramping your style. These days you seem
to be less a stud muffin and more a stud pancake.
"I used to be worried about being rejected by women," you say. "But now I'm
worried about losing my job or going to jail if I make the wrong move. I
don't know what the rules are anymore."
Your worries are legitimate. As we have seen over the past few years, men
are now especially vulnerable to charges of sexual misconduct. From Thomas to
Smith to Tyson, a contentious area of the law is being explored, and men are
confused about the rules and about what women want (and don't want) in social
situations.
But confusion kills, gentlemen, and it can also be used as an excuse for
much misbehavior. So I have prepared a quiz to cut through the debate and
answer some of your questions.
What follows is the Stud Muffin Quiz. It looks like a multiple choice
test, but watch out. There is only one correct response to each of these
examples, and if you flunk this test in real life, you will not pass go and
you might go to jail:
(1) An attractive female colleague at work seems to be friendly, humorous,
even bawdy. Her cubicle is near yours and you enjoy her presence. The two of
you talk and joke; she is single and mentions no significant other. You
eventually ask her if she would like to meet you after work for a drink. She
says, "No, sorry, I can't." At which point you:
A: Grab your crotch and say "Hey, you don't know what you're missing."
B: Hang around her desk all day chanting "Please baby, please baby, please
baby, please."
C: Refuse to take "no" for an answer and ask her out again every day for the
next three months until she accepts.
D: Smile politely, say "I understand" and never again mention meeting
socially unless she brings it up.
(2) In an attempt to appear cultured, you skip a Saturday afternoon with
your bowling league and go to an art exhibit. As you stand in front of a
painting a beautiful redheaded woman says, "Doesn't that use of acrylics turn
you on?" She invites you out for a drink, and as you sit there with her, she
casually puts her hand on your fly and says, "Let's go back to my place."
Just inside her front door, the two of you fall into a passionate embrace, but
she suddenly breaks away and cries, "No, stop, I can't do this. My body may
want you but my head won't allow it." You:
A: Rip off all her clothes and carry her into her bedroom.
B: Fall at her feet and whine "Please baby, please baby, please baby,
please."
C: Say "I never take 'no' for an answer" and pull her down to the floor
with you.
D: Stop what the two of you have been doing, say "I understand" and get the
hell out of there as fast as you can.
(3) You have been dating a woman for several months and you have been a sly
fox about it. You never make the first move, you always stop when she asks
you to stop and your perpetual horniness has been well disguised. The two of
you have had some hot petting sessions, but you have yet to go all the way.
This night by the lake seems to be the moment. She is naked, you are naked;
she holds your erection in her hands as she sits astride you and seems ready
to insert it. But a stricken look crosses her face, and she abruptly slides
off and huddles on a far corner of the blanket. "No," she cries, "It wouldn't
be right." You:
A: Drag her back on top of you.
B: Snuggle behind her and slip it in before she knows it.
C: Grunt once and say "I suppose a blow job is out of the question?"
D: Take a deep breath, say "I understand" and go jump in the lake.
(4) You are doing it. She loves it, you love it; there seem to be no
complications and happiness is a thing called intercourse. All of the forces
in the universe gather in your groin and your orgasm is near; hers have
passed. Suddenly she pushes you away. "This is wrong. This is immoral and I
should never have agreed to it," she says. You:
A: Say "Tell it to the judge" and reenter her.
B: Say nothing and reenter her.
C: Whine, cry, bicker, moan, gasp and yell before you reenter her.
D: Grit your teeth, stop in mid-stroke, pull out, remember that there are
no witnesses at this moment and that it will be your word against hers
in a court of law and leave immediately, if not sooner.
There you have it. A tough quiz for tough times. Item "D" is the only
acceptable answer in each instance. And I am telling you as bluntly as I can
that, as men, we now operate without choice in this area of our lives. Once
she says no, it's over. So here are some new rules:
Always take "no" for an answer.
Always stop when asked to stop.
Never assume "no" means "yes."
If her lips tell you "no" but there's "yes" in her eyes, keep in mind that
her words, not her eyes, will appear in the court transcript.
It's not Kansas anymore, gentlemen. So you'd better live and date
defensively. If it will help, have a chuckle and think of it like this: Even
Toto might bring you up on charges one day if you're not careful.
That's just the way it is pancake.
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Although that "quiz" is a bit humorous, it is 100% correct. Women hold the
entire deck in this card game, and it's their deal, not yours. Be careful
about what you choose to do. Even an innocent kiss as a friend to a friend
can get you in a heap o' shit if it's done in the workplace. Sex might be
great on one special night, but one horrible night later on when you're
fighting can turn that special night into a rape case.
Just remember, sex with a woman is great if you do what you're supposed to
and don't push her to fast. Sex with Bubba in cell block "C" is a living hell
and the chick just ain't worth it!
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Once again...If anyone would care to write for TLS on just about any subject
please leave mail to either myself or Hegz on the boards listed below.
If you would like to join TLSNet you can most likely download the application
file from the board that you got this file from. The file should be named
"TLSNET.APP". If you can't find this file, it can be downloaded free at
either of the boards listed below along with over 50 megs of free text
downloads.
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The Lawless Society
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-Flammable Fuzzball
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The Syndicate BBS (TLS Headquarters) (908)506-6651
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Tanstaafl BBS (TANJ Headquarters) (908)830-TANJ
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