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- ****NUMBERS 181 TO 185***********BY DANIEL BOWEN (tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu)*****
"N-n-n-n-not another Toxic Custard"
______ ___ ______ ___
|| // || || || // // \\ \\ 10/1/94
|| || || || ||___ //| \\___// |\\ Written by
|| || || /\ || || || // \\ || Daniel Bowen
_||_ \\___ \\//\\// || _||_ \\___// _||_
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 14
NEEDLE
An object of evil. It was devised by the evil Count Pierre
deNeedle, one of those French bastards who wore a top hat and was
always tying maidens to railway tracks in deserted black-and-white
valleys, and setting off nuclear bombs on peaceful Pacific islands.
The needle was designed for two purposes:
- To be found in unexpected places by sitting on it, catching
your finger on it, or having some other part of your anatomy
punctured by it, followed by a loud hailing from the vocal
chords, often the phrase "shit!"
- To infuriate any person trying to sew, by waiting until you
are just about to get the thread through the little hole, then
concentrating all its energies and moving two millimetres to
the right.
NEIGHBOUR
One of those people you occasionally smile at when walking down the
street, but rarely develop such a bond with that they are concerned
when your burglar alarm goes off when you're on holiday.
"NEIGHBOURS"
Australia's revenge on Britain for constant royal tours.
NEWT
One of those really small beasties that annoys little kids because
they're too small to step on. I dunno though - if you were flying
along and got caught in the downward air-draught of a descending
foot, it'd do serious damage, wouldn't it?
NIGHT
That time of day when it isn't. Night is generally recognised by an
overall lack of light, and the sudden manifestation of strange
noises which feed paranoia.
NLQ (NEAR LETTER-QUALITY)
Euphemism in the field of computer printers. When the salesman says
"yes sir or madam, this printer here offers Near-Letter-Quality
printing" they actually mean "what, you're too stingy to shell out
on a laser printer? Why not just write it all out by hand? Don't
want to invest in the pencils? You scumbag."
NOBODY, MR
Semi-mythical person whom I was always told would come to clean my
room. But he never did.
NOSE
Outlet located in the middle of the face. Used for smelling,
breathing, and the output of extraneous waste. Beats me why snot
couldn't have exited through the arse like most of the other waste
coming out of the body. Perhaps it was more economically viable to
have a secondary solids outlet. Actually it's just as well that
people don't send their other waste through the nose. Then we'd
need flushing handkerchiefs. And farts would be much more
noticeable.
NOTICEBOARD
A large board placed somewhere in the office, where administrative-
type people place important notices that no-one ever reads. Also the
location of very bad cartoons on the subject of office life, pinned
up by the office wag. [See wanker.] 97% of office workers ignore
these, and instead find their entertainment in the Gary Larson
calendar that at least one person per office has on their desk[*].
This desk will become a focal point for meeting throughout the
year, where from will be heard guffaws aplenty[+], except from the
person who actually sits at that desk, who will wish that everyone
will piss off so they can do some work.
[*] Yes, it's me this year.
[+] Accompanied by cries of "oh isn't he great!" and "how is he
so imaginative!"
NOVEMBER
Oh come on, that was months ago, it's pointless dwelling on it now.
The word November is actually Latin. Nov means nine, indicating the
ninth month, which is due to the guy who made up all the months
having a bit of a problem with adding up. Ember is something to do
with open fireplaces, which are popular in some parts of the
Northern Hemisphere, making the name of this month hemispherist, of
course.
NULL MODEM
Another one of those things which sits around on your desk for
months, but mysteriously vanishes the day before you need it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
CUSTARD BAND-AIDS - THE BEST BAND-AIDS
To prove that Custard band-aids are the best band-aids, we took three
healthy people, and inflicted identical serious cuts in their arms.
[*Arghh!*]
[*Arghh!*]
[*Arghh!*]
We left one cut untreated. The second one, we treated with another
band-aid brand. And the third we treated with new improved Custard
band-aids. Then we left them locked in a room with no food or water
for three days.
The first person died. [*Thump*] His family are suing us.
The second person had to have their arm amputated at the
shoulder [*Nnnnnneeeeeoooooowwwwww* *Argh!*] and is suing us.
The third person survived without any effects whatsoever,
although he's having difficulty in writing, but that should be okay
in a couple of days. With the profits from sales from this promotion,
we paid off the other two court cases.
Custard band-aids. The best.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If pain persists, please see your Toxic Custard
back-issues. Available by ftp - send email to
tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for details
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| My brain spat out the above words. My hands
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| typed them in, and my computer (and one at
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| MIT) sent them around the world. Telecom
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| Australia is responsible for none of these.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"OOOOOOver the top Toxic Custard"
___
/ \
< M A > Medium-level Christian jibes
\___/
Mature Athiests
___ ____ ____
\ / \ \ \ \ January 15th 1994
_\___ ___ \__ \ \___\ __\ Written by Daniel Bowen
\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ (but don't tell his
\__/ \___ \__\__\ \ \ \___\ \___ psychiatrist)
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 15
OBJECT
Another of those words which is very good an being fairly anonymous
in its description of anything, and not actually meaning very much.
Generally most useful when you want to describe something, but are
unaware what the fuck it is.
About as useful as "The definite article", which is not only
stupid enough to be a definition which includes the word it's
trying to define, but also includes the word "article", which means
the same thing as object, yet nobody knows what it is. Which is
pretty vague for something which is supposed to be "definite".
OBJET
The same as "Object", but for the French and/or pretentious.
OCEAN
A large body of water between countries, which is probably the
biggest peace-keeper in the world, preventing more countries from
being permanently at each others' throats.
Readers are advised when crossing oceans to always look both
ways, and never walk on the water unless you are Christ. (Yeah
look, I don't want to gloat or anything, but I did recently get a
subscription request from a jc@heaven.rel)
Once again, I apologise to any Christians reading this. (Of
course, if I really cared, I wouldn't have written the last
paragraph, would I.)
OCTOPUS
Eight-legged sea creature that I just can't bring myself to eat.
Even when I have the advantage over it that it's dead and I'm
alive. And hungry. And sitting in a restaurant being offered food
to eat. (See Order)
ODD
Odd things that you don't want people find in your house include:
- that dead insurance salesman that you lost your rag at and
buried under the stairs
- the New Kids On The Block records that someone bought you as a
joke
- the fungus that is growing all over one side of the shower
- all those Readers Digest metal tokens that you decided to keep
because "they looked nice" when you opened the envelope just
after downing forty-three consecutive stubbies
- the (now dead) cat buried in the sofa that's been missing for
three months, and which gives the livingroom that special
aroma
OPERA
For centuries now, Opera has been the foremost method of
humiliation available to the security forces. It began in the late
1600s, when peasant rebels were made to dress up as ridiculously
fat people and get up on wooden planks in front of hundreds of
their peers and shout the same things over and over and over, to a
musical accompaniment.
By the time the French Revolution came rolling along, it was
the aristocrats who were forced to the stage to sing, gesticulate
wildly and loudly perform plays devised to spread Revolutionary
propaganda.
Nowadays, Opera has been driven underground, but is still
carried out by the perverse, the deviant, and those with very big
tits (both men and women), their audiences made up almost
exclusively of establishment figures.
ORDER
The process of telling the waiter what you would like to eat,
preferably a choice from that on the menu. Following the ordering
process, you will make a note of everything that they forget to
bring you, and finally find the courage to kick up a stink when the
meal's over and everyone's leaving. The procedure then is for the
restaurant to fall over themselves trying to make it up for you, by
offering a free X (insert your forgotten choice here) even though
you're not hungry, you're leaving now, and you didn't order X
anyway, you ordered Y.
ORIGINAL SOFTWARE
Something of a rarity in this universe.
OXYGEN
A thoroughly useful substance to the vast majority of us. Without
oxygen, we would die, and then life wouldn't be worth living. Which
is irrelevant because we would be dead. And yet what would life be
without life itself? A void of nothingness to be pondered by
theologians. And yet without life there would be no theologians to
ponder it... so I guess it wouldn't be quite so bad.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In between watching Countdown repeats and blowing my nose, I've been
getting out and about town a bit. I managed to catch "Much Ado About
Nothing" at the Rivoli Cinema - for discerning cinema goers, or so
they say. The same film was also showing in the city, but that was
obviously the edited, non-discerning version. You could tell the
audience was discerning because apart from us there was no-one below
45. Actually, perhaps that's what discerning means. "The theatre for
people over 45, but the Drug Offensive will still put in one of their
Speed Catches Up With You ads anyway in the hope that you crumblies
will stop taking Speed when you're at dinner parties."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few selected Toxic Custard back-issues are
available by ftp. Email for details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| My See how
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| words far apart Telecom's
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| and <-------they---------> Responsibilities
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu|thoughts are?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"P'd off Toxic Custard"
__ __
- ****** ***** * * ****** | / \ / \
* * * * * * | \__/ _/
* * * * * * **** | / \ \ 24th January 1994
* ***** * * * | \__/ \__/ by Daniel Bowen
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 16
PADLOCK
Security device which anyone can cut through if they have the
determination (and the cutters). Either operated by key, which is
then lost, or by combination, which is cracked by people passing
who have nothing better to do. About as secure as Pyramid / A
Savings And Loan / BCCI (delete according to continent).
PARADIGM
One of those words which is perfectly clear when you look it up in
the dictionary, but which is awfully difficult to work into
everyday conversation, not only because it sounds complex, but
also because of extreme paranoia about mispronouncing it.
PARENTHESES
What people say when they mean brackets, but are trying to sound
smart.
PATRIOT
One who blindly loves their country, no matter what terrible things
it might be getting up to while they aren't looking. "Oh yeah, well
I know they might have been experimenting on peasants in
neighbouring countries, but Christ, isn't this a great country!!"
PAY
Compensation for having to go to work and put up with all the
cretins in your office.
PENECTOMY
I'm pretty sure in thinking that when they first heard of the
Lorena Bobbit trial, most men squirmed a fair bit. This is
instinctive. I also discovered on Friday what happens if you happen
to be playing in an office indoor soccer game and someone, later to
be known as "ballcrusher", accidentally aims a soccer ball in your
direction, which manages to hit what, we shall say, are the most
delicate parts of a man's body.
The human body does not mess about in this situation. Every
nerve is screaming at the brain "Christ, that hit me in the balls!"
The message goes express to Brain Central, which initiates
emergency gasping procedures, and puts into action the disaster
foetal position. And as the other men around you squirm in
sympathy, the brain goes into recovery "act cool" mode, and begins
to think of jokes involving high-pitched voices and doubts about
the possibilities of offspring.
PISS
The are so many and varied uses for the word piss that I have
decided to compile a list, as follows:
on the piss drinking alcohol
piss artist one who messes around (esp when drunk)
pissed intoxicated
pissed (US) annoyed
pissed off annoyed
piss elegant pretentiously elegant
pissing away wasting (esp money)
pissing down raining heavily
piss-up party (esp involving alcohol)
to piss to urinate
to piss off to go away
to piss about to mess around
to piss-fart around to mess around
I've almost certainly missed something, but I think you get the
general idea. Now, I want you all to write a sentence which gets
all of those meanings into less than 25 words.
POETRY - "The Nastiness Of Your Flea-Ridden Scalp"
I think that I shall never see,
Anything as small as a flea,
It hops and hops and bites and bites,
And gets into your hair and shites,
And no matter how you swat,
You'll never get it; that's your lot,
And though the flea is not shaped like a dome,
That's about the end of this poem.
POLYCRATES (c536-522 BC)
Lots of boxes. Invented container lorries.
POND
Small body of water, which, with the right light, a few ducks, and
overhanging trees, you can just about think looks nice and restful,
before a bunch of screaming kids run past, throw a rock in the
water, and spoil the whole atmosphere.
POST OFFICE
A vast system of little vans, sorting rooms and people on bicycles.
Together they ensure that if you need to get something sent from A
to B in a hurry, three weeks after you've mailed it at A, it still
hasn't turned up at B. It's either languishing in a big sack at C,
or has by some complete mystery been detoured via D, which is
generally on a different continent to both A and B.
PUBLIC ADDRESS
Why is it that the most vitally important PA announcements - the
ones you actually want to hear the contents of - are drowned out by
the noise of the crowd?
PUNS
The following puns have no homes to go to-:
Chefs have a license to grill.
Carpenters have a license to drill.
Man's liver takes a turn for the wurst!
Breakfast eater has fatal bran tumour!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few selected Toxic Custard back-issues are
available by ftp. Email for details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Don't hold Telecom responsible
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| for my words. And don't ask me
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| to connect Call Waiting for
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| you. Ring 1800-052-052 instead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Queued Toxic Custard"
T C W F 3 1 9 i n a B
T x c C s a W r hop F es 8 31/1 99 rit n y a i l B n
T x c Custar Wor shop Fi es 18 , 31/1/ 99 . Writ en y Dani l Bo en
Toxic Custard Workshop Files 184, 31/1/1994. Written by Daniel Bowen
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 17
Q
The letter with the least number of amusing words in the alphabet.
(So far). Generally found just before the letter U, entries for
which will appear in several weeks.
QUANTUM SUFFICIT
The type of phrase that makes you wonder if this language would be
any better off if there was someone in charge who had power of veto
over the introduction of new words.
QUEEN
Not much of a career to get into if you can help it. Tends to
involve flying all over the place being famous. But you don't get
to make lots of movies. It must get a bit dull after a while
actually. Everywhere the Queen goes all she gets to do is open
things, do walkabouts, go to the races...
But the really scarey thing about the Queen is that she has
kids. This means that at sometime she and the Duke of Edinburgh...
must have... you know... *done it*. Eugghghgghh. That's pretty
frightening. And think of the possible embarrassment. What if a
servant or a bodyguard walked in. "Oops, sorry your Maj.. hey, how
did you two get into that position? Should I pick these robes up
for you... oh, I should just go? Okay then.. yes, I'll just go.
Just please try not to get any marks on the red carpet. Yes, I'm
averting my eyes.. Oh. Beheaded? Thank you very much your Majesty."
QUEUE
Something that supermarket supervisors obviously have no idea how
to manage. It's tempting when you're waiting to grab a PA
microphone and shout "Yes, shoppers, don't leave yet, 'cos we've
got mega bargains now! All breakfast cereal, meat and dairy produce
bought in the next fifteen minutes is 90% off! Stock up now!" Wait
thirty seconds and all the queues will have disappeared.
I sometimes get quite infuriated in supermarkets. Keep me off
the roads - people are in enough trouble when they get in the way
of my trolley. Some of them leave their shopping trolleys in the
middle of the aisle. Next time that happens I'm gonna move it for
them and then watch as they try to work out where they left it.
I dream that one day they'll turn the whole supermarket into
one big one-way system. "Hey, too bad if you don't want dog food
because you haven't got a dog... too bad! You gotta go via the dog
food anyway! What'dya mean you forgot the eggs... too late now!
You'll just have to go around again! See you in hell, shopper! You
there! Trying to climb over the frozen food section to get back to
the shampoo! Get down here now! Reg - get the shotgun! ... <BANG>
... Your attention shoppers, due to an... incident in the frozen
food section, all shoppers will be detoured via hygiene products.
We apologise for any inconvenience. Do not attempt to enter the
frozen food section. Thank you for shopping at Dangerousway."
QUIBBLE
Recreational sport. Quibbling began as a pastime for bored
consumers. Since then it has spread, and we can soon expect to see
Olympic Quibbling.
"Here come's Anderson, Quibbling for Australia... yes, he's
asking about the discount price... oh, and the special bonus offer.
That shop assistant's on the run now... and I think he's getting
ready to deal his most devastating final blow... yes, he's noticed
the scratch in the upper corner. But oh no! He's just mentioned how
they used to make them in the old days! Anderson has just
bullshitted! Sensational news! Anderson, out of the Quibbling Final
on a bullshit. Tragedy for the young athlete..."
QWERTY
Type of keyboard designed to slow the typist down and confuse
people who are learning to type.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sometimes I wonder what I'm really doing on this planet. Do you? Do
you get up in the morning and think... hell, will I really make a
difference to the world by living? Will the rest of the human race
even know that I exist? And then I look at the figures of history...
like Hitler. Did he wake up one morning and think "I have to do
something with my life... why don't I try genocide"? Was Hitler
planning for the future... perhaps to try and set up a family
business. "A. Hitler and Sons - Dictators and Genocidal Services to
the General Public".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you ever think your life is empty?
Without meaning? Have you considered
the possibilities of Toxic Custard
back-issues? For details, just email
tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu today!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Telecom Australia is not
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| responsible for the above
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| thoughts and words.
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| Honest.
YES, THIS TOXIC CUSTARD IS SHORTER THAN USUAL. SEE IF I CARE. WE
CAN'T ALL BE FUNNY ALL OF THE TIME. IN FACT, SOME OF US HAVE TROUBLE
IN BEING FUNNY EVEN SOME OF THE TIME. I BLAME THE WORLDWIDE JOKE
SHORTAGE. OH SOD IT, WHO CARES. YOU'VE GOT MORE SENSIBLE THINGS TO BE
DOING. SO GO DO THEM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Arrrr.. it's Toxic Custard"
___/ _ \ /\
/ \ / \ \ / / \
\ oxic / ustard \ \ /orkshop /\iles 185 7th February 1994
\ \_/ \/\/ __/ written by Daniel Bowen
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 18
RAFFLE
A way to get you to spend $2 in the mistaken belief that you have a
newt's chance in a grinder of winning a hamper/car/holiday. There's
something just not quite right about the principle of making money
for charities which involves giving away expensive prizes. There's
probably a loop-hole in the raffle laws that allows the raffle
organisers *not* to give away prizes if the proceeds are to
charity.
Most proceeds actually go to rebuilding churches, upgrading
kindergartens, etc. The more dubious ones go to sending brass bands
to Queensland, building athletics clubs, and of course the newly
created Custard Development Fund. The Custard Development Fund is
dedicated to sending the author of Toxic Custard on a Hawaiian
holiday.
RAIN
Another one of those things that is great to watch when you're not
caught in it. Perhaps what we need to do is somehow make
intelligent clouds that rain, but not actually *on* people.
READERS DIGEST
Ever wondered how effective those mailing campaigns are? Toxic
Custard has obtained this internal Readers Digest report.
Summary of mailing campaign:
43,000 sent competition letter
15,000 stupid enough to send back entry form
15,000 sent secondary draw letter with offer of Readers Digest
sample and exclusive small brass token
3,000 request Readers Digest sample
3,000 sent Readers Digest sample with subscription offer
9 subscribe
REAP
Formerly used in descriptions of agriculture, "reap" is now almost
exclusively found in bad retail advertising campaigns, eg "We've
cut prices so you reap the benefits!" shouted by manic announcers
over footage of crazed shoppers smashing in doors.
RECEIPT
Proof of the purchase of goods. There are two distinct types of
receipt:
- the receipt that sits in your wallet for the best part of a
year before you clean it out, and then pops up again regularly
for the rest of your life, in desk drawers, stuck in books as
bookmarks, or attached to the fridge with a magnet
- the receipt that you think you put safely somewhere, but can't
find when the goods that you bought falls apart/breaks down/
causes you to want to return the goods, for whatever reason.
(See Return)
REFERENCE
The academic way of copying what someone else has written. The best
references don't actually exist. Which means they can say precisely
what you want them to say.
RENOVATION, IDEAL FOR
See Demolition, Condemned, Wreck, Pile of bricks.
REPEATS
*Sigh*. Last week I finished watching the Countdown repeats. What a
nostalgia trip. Back to the late-70s. Bit of a nightmare, actually.
The memories came flooding back. I think that now I am ready to
atone for my sins. Yes, it's true. I once had brown cords. I'm not
proud. It's just something I did in the foolish years of my youth.
One of many things, actually. On the other hand, when it comes to
embarrassing fads of the Seventies, I do have several points on my
side. To my knowledge, I never wore flares. I didn't like Kiss. Or
Abba. Sometimes I think I was pretty smart, considering I was just
a kid.
REPRODUCE
The sort of thing that Jeremy Beadle should be banned from. The
Beadles actually have a history of practical jokes, right back to
the days of Christ, when Jeremiah Beadle convinced Joseph that the
only accomodation left in town was a stable.
RETURN
An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want
to return goods to their place of purchase.
- Find the receipt. Okay, so you only bought your product X
yesterday, the shop you bought it from probably only sells an X
once in a blue moon and the shopkeeper in question has known
you personally for a period of decades. But severe paranoia
about the shop's denial of any knowledge of product X means you
must have the receipt with you when you stroll in the door to
have any confidence or strength when you begin with the words
"I bought this yesterday..." (See Receipt).
- Find the bag that your product X came in, which naturally has the
shop's logo plastered all over it. Failing this, you should try
and find another bag, from a different time you went to that
particular shop. No, it doesn't really make sense, just don't
worry about it.
- When you get to the shop, radiate confidence. For some reason,
whenever I'm in this situation I get pangs of guilt going
through my mind... "You don't really need to return it! It
works okay if you hold it at a 30 degree angle! Don't be so
petty! It only singed a bit of the carpet! Only the garden shed
burnt down! It didn't fry the whole family! You've got a nerve,
daring to declare the manufacturers to have failed in their
goal of trying to bring you the perfect product X! They'll
probably shed jobs over this! And you'll be personally
responsible for the decline of dozens of families, and the
eventual joint suicide of the workers at the ruined site of the
bankrupt factory."
- If you're going to even think about mentioning refunds, take
along proof of identity, a shotgun, several lawyers, and all of
the above.
RHETORICAL
Well if you didn't want an answer, why did you bother asking a
question? It's that kind of behaviour that leads to extreme
irritation and eventual violence involving a jack-hammer, three
bananas in various orifices and strangulation with a vacuum
cleaner hose.
ROLLERBLADING
By far the most fashionable way to injure yourself at the moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The clouds disperse. Your eyes open
again. Ah, so that Toxic Custard was
just a dream. That's a relief. Back-
issues are available by ftp; just
email here for details!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Telecom Australia is
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| not responsible for
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| the complete crap that
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| spouts from my brain.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed
without profit provided this notice remains intact.
For subscription information, contact tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu