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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #72 |
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- Why Computers are Better than Women -
&
- Some of our Favorite Bumper Stickers -
by Kel'anth & Steven Rosen
Why Computers Are Better Than Women
(an exercise in sophistry, yo)
1. A computer never has a headache.
2. For $20, you can get a computer that blows.
3. Anytime you want to get screwed, you can just buy Microsoft.
4. You can enjoy a computer all month long.
5. Computers don't stain.
6. You don't have to wine and dine a computer.
7. A computer will wait for you while you play ball.
8. When your computer gets old, you toss it and buy a new one.
9. Computers are never late.
10. The worst disease you can get is carpal tunnel syndrome.
11. Computers don't get jealous when you buy another computer.
12. A computer won't get upset if you use computers too much.
13. If you buy a floppy drive, you'll always get good head.
14. You can have more than 1 computer without guilt.
15. Computers go down a lot without being asked.
16. You can share a computer with your friends.
17. A computer doesn't demand equality.
18. A computer doesn't care when you come.
19. A computer doesn't care if you talk to it.
20. Computers like to be used.
21. Computers don't get bad perms.
22. A computer never leaves you for another guy.
23. Computers get faster every year.
24. A computer is ready any time of day.
25. A computer won't demand commitment.
26. You can take a computer with you when you move.
27. A computer will never wonder where you've been.
28. Computers don't think cucumbers are better than men.
29. A computer will do anything if you ask it, even sober.
(this next bit was typed up by Scooter II)
The Denver Post
July 6, 1993
Pg F-1
BUMPER STICKER FAVORITES
Don't look now - your humor's showing
By Steven Rosen, Denver Post Arts Writer
Talk about a driving obsession!
In the June 18 Pulse column in WEEKEND!, we invited you to tell us your
favorite or most interesting bumper stickers. (Good luck Jean Thompson of
Denver trying to sell "God Created a Beautiful World - Don't Make It Ugly.)
With so many responses, trends emerged. The three I spotted were these:
People like bumper stickers that make fun of the cosmic- consciousness nature
of New Age philosophy. A good dozen callers said their favorite sticker
was "Visualize Whirled Peas," which is a parody of those "Visualize World
Peace" stickers you see in hippie outposts where people only drive cars when
not engaged in astral projection.
Others liked a sticker that says "Visualize...Using Your Turn Signal,"
which serves the same general purpose.