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Presents
So You Wanna Be Kewl
This file is dedicated to Nikki. Call her up at 616-962-7438. Ask for
Nikki, and tell her you heard she gives great head.
So you wanna be kewl? Well, there are several kinds of kewl. There is:
1) Stoner cool - This is for all the stoners (No Name, Scourge). First, you
must know what a stoner does. A stoner does not fuk every chick he
sees, and he does NOT sing "We Are the World" and hold hands. To be
a good stoner, you must have a good supply of all the homemade recipes
(available at your local stoner board (29A)), if you don't have them,
you aren't Shit Outta Luck yet, you just gotta wait until I put all t
his stuff in a future issue. Then, he has to do at LEAST all the
medium shit (hash, LSD). He also has to have the Stoner's Guide to the
Galaxy (for only 19.95. Dial 1-616-962-7438, and ask for a good stoner.
2) Preppy Cool - This is for all the preps (Ground Zero). A prep has to be
a total asshole. For some reason, people look up to total assholes.
You also have to play basketball, and a sport every season with
absolutely no break. You also have to walk like a hood, dress like
a wigga, and stick your tongue out and jump real high. These people
are the "ELiTE" cool, the ultimate in Coolness.
You need our guide to being an elite. Order "The Ultimate
Conformist Bastard" today!
1-616-962-7438. (Boy, this guy has EVERYTHING!) Tell them
you want to become an asshole.
3) WaRezZZ KeWLNiZ - THiS iZ F0R aLL THe Pe0PLe WH0 WaNNa HaCK, F0uND oN
PR0DiGy aND oTHeR K-RaD PLaCeZ. (Overkill) THeY aLSo aRe eXpeRTz at
WaCKiNG oFF WiTH HouSeHoLD eQuiPMeNT, aND uSuaLLy aRe BaRNey FaNzzZ.
0rDeR "My LiTTLe Pee-Wee" T0Day!
FR0M ThE MaN wHoZe FaST WiTH THaT HaND, NiKKi!
aT - (6i6)-96TWo-743aTe
4) Larvae cool - So You Wanna Be A Complete And Total Loser? (Robert Gray)
Then this is for you! How to be a complete and total lamer. Cool
sayings range from "No Im not a fed." to "Me? A lamer? Oh yeah?
What's PBX stand for?" They are also notorious for hanging out on
800 Amiga BBSes (Psycho Labs ][) and pissing off sting boards who
are still looking for the LoD. They are ALSO notorious for being
non-cool. The only kind of cool where you really aren't cool, you
are just pretending to be cool so your "ph"riends will think you are
cool and let you on their cool boards which really aren't cool they
are just pretending to be cool and they even do real imaginative
things like reuuning one line off a screen and getting everyone pissed
as hell because they don't have a PgOver key... You want to be cool?
Call 1-616-962-7438 and tell Nick that you want to have access to the
"Hacker's Underground BBS". Be sure to tell him you aren't a fed!!!
Now that you know the kinds of cool, you have to pick which one.
Personally, I'm hoping you'll pick either Stoner or Preppy, cause then
you get the great fucks. Stoners get better fucks, preppies think they
are fucking and end up coming after the 1st 20 seconds... so preppy
girls think they aren't virgins but in reality they haven't even had
their cherries popped. What the fuk do you expect? Preps' dicks are
about 1" long...
WANTED: Good fucks. I live in Butt-fucking Egypt and there aren't any left.
----
You wanna write for PPiC? Get PPiC App from one of these great BBSes-
29A
616-781-1177
!Home Base!
The Crime Scene
516-YoU-WiSH
PPiC Distrib Site
Ministry of Death
516-askmel8rIforget
(C)opright --==? Phose Inc. ?==-- 1994 All Rights reserved.
PHOSE and PHREE are trademarks of PHOSE international and PHOSE incorperated.
Blah blah blah and a bunch of other small print shit.