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Volume One, Issue One.
July 19, 1993 AD
Table Of Contents:
I) The Lamer Crackdown, How to Find And Disrupt a CTSA Meeting.
By Sunstriker
II) Advanced Shoplifting Techniques 101.
By Red Phoenix
III) Enhancing Your Soundblaster's Potential.
By Plague
IV) Phun With Revenge Techniques.
By Sunstriker
V) How to Properly Conduct a Satanic Ritual.
By Studmuffin (VAS 0892)
VI) Ballad Of A Pirate, a Creative Endeavor.
By Tommy The Cat
As This is our First Issue of SPETZNAS, we hope that you will enjoy it to a
great degree. Such Valuable information is Contained Herein. We wanted to
create a Mag that you could sit down with your Mom, Dad, and Family and read
over Breakfast. Hope we Succeeded.
SPETZNAS is Currently Taking Applications for the Following Positions:
Writer, Courier, HEAD COURIER COORDINATOR, Dist Site, And Programmer.
Anyone interested in any of the Following Positions should Call
The Spetznas WHQ (The Bad Board 512-928-2477 9600+) and leave
Mail For Sunstriker regarding the Magazine and what you can do.
YES, an Application Generator is Coming, give us a Break, this
Is the FIRST issue.
==============================================================================
How to Find and Disrupt a CTSA Meeting
( The Lamer Crackdown )
Sunstriker here, with a message to everyone that's sick of
lamers, and wish they would just pack up their bulletin boards
and apogee games and restrict their computing time to the message
bases of Prodigy.
We will be working on just pissing the lamers off, for now. Later
we will move to bigger and better plans, such as REAL names and
if they piss us off then their phone numbers to so you can give
your repetitive annoyance dialer program something to do..
First off, Lamers run rampant in Austin. If you dont live in Austin
then you are one lucky Fuck. Austin Sux Dix. There is NO area Code
in the United States with More Lamers than Austin. Myself, I
personally have anywhere from 10-15 new lamers who somehow get the
number to my bbs call and get deleted by the New User Voting EVERY
day of the week. Why is that you wonder? Well see there is this
Fat Fuck named RETSOF (his Real name is John Foster and I fucked
his daughter)..and see, this RETSOF guy works for some lameo Chip
manufacturing company here locally. Well, he comes home from work
every day about 4:30pm and starts Modemin'. He is a BiModem Finatic
who likes to go around and tell everyone how he Writes and keeps
track single handedly of the Austin BBS list. Did you ever wonder
how any ONE person could manage that by themselves? Well, I did, but
that is before I met the guy. He does NOTHING but BBS. Period. He
has NO idea what the Acronym H/P/A/V/C stands for. He likes to eat
a lot of sweets, but he is a diabetic. He would like to have some
sex every once in a while I'm sure, but someone told me he cant.
That is a perfect example of a lamer. Someone who has never been to
Mardi Gras or 6th Street or a k00l Club. Someone who has never dated
a woman with measurements less than 40x40x40. Sad isnt it?
Now, On to how Lamers get together. CTSA is the Central Texas Sysop's
Association, and they are really pathetic. They are all members of
FidoNot and collect games with Commander Keen and get really excited
when they are the one on the block who gets 0-1 day releases of
DSZ.COM. It is sad to be a CTSA member, but they do make the best
possible people to fuck with on a regular basis.
Disrupting CTSA: everyone who cares can go crash a CTSA meeting.
CTSA meets the second thursday of every month at the Chris Cole
auditorium at the texas school for the blind. that's on the 4800
block of N. Lamar. Here is a map:
Oh yea..Thats in Austin...But as we all know every City has a Lamer
bbs group of some type, so send us a map to your local lamer meeting!
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hope that helps.
Do phun things when you go to a CTSA meeting! Be Sure to wear your
ToNe-LoC t-shirt that you got from Minor Threat at the CTSA meeting.
That is good for starters. Go to the meeting Stoned too, that way
you can laugh at the discussion and maybe they will try to kick you
out. Eat a lot of Taco Bell Bean Burritos (get the ones with GREEN
sauce) at least 1 hour before you go to the meeting. The results, if
you do this in a group of 5 or more, will be splendid.
Be sure to bring your plastic Vomit you bought in the 5th grade. Lamers
usually have never seen things like this and are sure to react with
great deals of hysteria.
Get someone to bring a book of matches to the meeting. Set off the Smoke
alarm. This is good when you have had enuff and are ready to end the
meeting and go back home and fuck your girlfriend.
Dont take a bath for 1 week before the meeting, and go joggin or
something immediately prior to the start. This will also aid in the
rapid digestion and air disbursement caused by the Taco Bell mentioned
earlier!
Make a smoke bomb. All you need is 1/2 Sugar and 1/2 salt pewter melted
together with a fuse.
Light up cloves cigarettes during the meeting. Most of the lamers will
think it is Marijuana, since they have no idea what the shit really
smells like. This is sure to get a reaction.
Call in a bomb threat at the location. Good for some quick amusement.
Fuck man, there are THOUSANDS of things you can do to disrupt a CTSA
meeting. For that matter, you could use MANY of these things at any
lamer meeting there is. Have phun!
Anyway, that just about wraps it up for this segment. Oh, by the
way if you do something special, like crash or destroy a lamer
board tell us so we can publish about it. thanx
===============================================================================
Advanced Shoplifting 101
-=By Red Phoenix=-
Have you ever wanted to shoplift something, but your a total pussy and are
afraid to? If so, get another mag..
Technique 1
This technique is very safe, but not very effective..Find the item you want to
buy, and take it to an isle that noone else is shopping at. Rip off the
sticker that has the price on it. The item you are buying
should be of an uncommon nature... something like a pack of lighters. Now
look for an item that is about 50% the price of what you want. Rip of the
sticker, and put it on the item you want. Then buy it... in the worst case
scenario, they'll scan (or ring-up, as they call it for some reason) the item
and find that the price is wrong. They think they accidentally put the wrong
price on it.. In the best (and most common) case, they just charge you the
sticker value, and you get it at half price. This works especially well at
Eckerds, because for some reason the employees there are dumb as shit..
Don't bother trying this on something that the clerks check out all the time,
like packs of gum. This technique has great potential though. For example:
At a place like Walmart, where they have a computer dept. but no
computer-literate employees, you can take the sticker off a package of a
1x9x70ns simm. Then you stick it on one with 4 simms... Since most people in
the electronics department just buy nintendo games, the people there don't
know shit about computers. If they happen to ring it up, they just think they
mis-priced it.
Technique 2
This is a very simple, yet uncommon technique. Goto a store, and buy a pack
gum or something.. ask for a bag. Walk out. Put some crap in your bag,
so it looks almost full. Then goto another store, find what you want, take it
to some isle where noone is shopping, and take the item out of its package.
Stick it in your bag. Then just walk out. In the worst case scenario, the guy
there wants to search your bag. Fine... he'll just find some shit, none of
which has the stores price tags. He can't do crap. But in most cases, they
won't suspect you.. Some places, especially convenience stores, don't let
your bring in bags from other stores, they make you give them to them while
you're in the store.
Shoplifting pointers:
It's so damn easy. Walk into an isle and just look all around you. If you
can't see anyone, they can't see you. Just grab something and shove it in
your pockets. Period. Walk right out.
Always find a safe place within the store to take something out of the
package. If you are alone, without an accomplice, make sure it's a place
with a good vantage point. Another is to go to the toy section, and plunge
your hands into the bin of toys while you rip of the package. If you have
a friend, this is a null point.
Take your time. Don't look guilty or nervous.
Most super-store type places have cameras.. So just in case, don't go to the
store for at least 2 weeks. I recommend a month. Do a quick scan for cameras
upon entry of the store.. As long as it's not pointing right at you while
you pocket the item, it doesn't really hurt you. Unless you get caught that
is..
===============================================================================
ENHANCING YOUR SOUND CARD'S POTENTIAL
---------------------------------------
One of the greatest things about my pc is the sound that comes from
it. When I bought my audio card I was only thinking abuot the digital sound
effects that I could get from it. I didn't really care about music or
anything else.
In the past few months, my games have been getting boring. I'm tired
of the same old sounds. My MODS are sucky now. I wanted something that
would blow me away. Sure there's good music in my games and MODS...but I
am tired of hearing them. So I decided to make it a little more interesting.
Using my card's audio jack...I hooked up some cables to my bass amp. The
shit is kick ass. I can put it up to full blast and get no static or anything
from my puny Koss speakers. The amp is totally kick ass and I am never tired
of listening to it.
Some soundtracks and MODS are scratchy on computer speakers. That is
either because your speakers SUCK or you need a bass amp. With an amp hooked
up you can exeed your regular speaker's volume limit's by up to 200% And an
amp can take a fucking shitload more pressure than regular speakers. If you
turn them up to full, they sometimes crackle and you risk popping out a part
or some shit. An amp is a BUTLOAD better than that.
Here's how to do it:
-------------------
Requirements -
- audio card with standard audio hookup jack
- bass amp
- regular speakers (must use these if you want to maintain
the treble)
- audio connector (if planning to use regular speakers)
- audio cable with split end on one side (red,white)
First, unplug your regular speakers. Replace the speaker wire with
the audio cable. Run the red end of the cable into the bass amp. Don't
plug in the white end if you plan to hook up the regular speakers. Plug the
white end into the audio connector. Plug the regular speaker into the other
side of the audio connector. (by the way you can get this at any Radio Shack)
Turn the amp on and the regular speaker (If you don't turn on the
regular speakers you won't be able to hear shit). Now go play a MOD or
something. It's KICKASS!!!!!!!
by Plague (1993)
===============================================================================
-=Good Revenge Ideas for Beginners=-
Collected by Sunstriker
This phile is dedicated to all those people you want to get revenge on.
The ideas herein have been gathered from various elite mags over the
years and are here together for you to enjoy all at once.
1] Find out what the person loves, and go after that. If its his car, you can
shoot out the windows with a bb gun, slash his tires, get inside his car
and slice up the interior, pour hydrochloric acid on his paint and on the
inside, strip the interior of his dashboard, pop his hood and start removing
parts at random.
If its his motorcyle, take the whole thing apart into a million pieces,
spread them all over the parking lot, then leave a note on the one piece
you leave saying "Hey lets play the find-my-motorcyle-parts game". Of
course you will be a sport and just throw away a few important pieces so
if he does eventually find it "all" he wont be able to put it back together.
2] Frame him. Here are a few things you can do to get him in serious troubles.
Give yourself a lawnjob, then get his license plate, and tell the cops you
saw a car with this license plate driving away off your lawn. This will
usually get him a vandalism charge if he has no alibi.
Put some roadkill in his backyard, and a bloody baseball bat. Now call the
humane society and say you have seen your neighbor beating down animals
and leaving them there.
Get his license plate, and report him to the highway patrol and say that
you saw him throw a bunch of garbage out his window. A $500 fine if they
find him guilty.
I have heard that enough anonymous tips to the local police can get a drug
raid or at least a careful time-consuming investigation on a person.
Call the cops and report the car as being stolen when you know he is driving
around.
If hes at the mall going out to his car, call mall security and say some guy
is breaking into your car and hotwiring it. They will chase him down and
give him a real hard time.
3] Threaten Him. Hire lots of big Hells Angels or other large people to start
fights with him, or find some psycho people who will stay up all night prank
calling him telling they are going to slash his fucking throat. This is one
of my favorites. The police will be spending a lot of time with him if
he is the paranoid type.
Get a posse' of blacks and tell them he is the local KKK grand wizard.
4] Place classified ads in the paper for him. Of course he wont know anything
about such ads as the following.
In the men seeking men in a local dateline paper:
GWM 21 seeking other male lovers to share in ultimate passion. I enjoy
KY Jelly, Jello Baths, And Soap-on-a-Rope. Call Rob at xxx-xxxx.
In the auto classifieds:
1991 Ferarri Testarossa In perfect condition, Kenwood stereo system,
New Pirelli's.*$1000* or best offer. Must sell fast. Call Joe at xxx-xxxx
(call after 3a.m.).
In the general classifieds:
Wanted: Your grass clippings. I can use them for various projects, I will
pay you $1 per bag, please deliver them to: dan at xxxxx Retard road,
at the corner of Dumbass and Fucknuts ave. Stop by between 3am and 9am.
5] Magazine subscriptions. You have all seen those damn post-card type things
that fall out of magazines? Simple go to the library , get as MANY as you
can, then mail them all in for him with his adress saying "bill me later".
The sap will wonder why he has all these great magazines for free until
he gets like ten thousand dollars worth of magazine bills.
6] Order some pizzas for him. Make sure to get ones that NOBODY eats and also
that you call at LEAST 5 different pizza places. This ensures that adequate
portions are delivered, and that your victim will KNOW it is not a mistake.
7] Call the funeral home. Tell them you are [insert victim name] and that your
mother just passed away. Tell them you want a hearse sent over to pick her
Body up ASAP. They will arrive within an hour at most times.
8] Have 7-8 wreckers sent to his house on a reported dead battery.
9] Send him dead roses.
10] Call the Jehovas Witnesses and tell them you are [insert victim name] and
you would like it if a group of their ministers would come to your house.
They will arrive within 24 hours. Always.
11] Go buy a pound of Shrimp at the st0re. Sneak to his car at night and
place the shrimp in his hubcaps. This one works best in mid July or August
when the heat permeates to a high degree. The odors created by this act
are just lovely.
12] Call news papers, and adverise an arctile similar to this: "You too can
call free through MCI, ITT, and other long distance services just by
making a local call. For more information, send a self-adressed
stamped envlope to:(fill in name and adress with zip code)" After this
has appeared in the papers, inform your local FBI agent or police
officer of his ad.
13] You can also advertise an ad like this: "Apple //e,
128k, 2 disk drives, Amdek Color 3 Monitor, Hayes Smartmodem 1200, and
much more. $750 or best offer. (phone number)".
14] Call every damn lamer PD board you can find and post his Fone number
as the number of a NEW adult BBS with 1.6 gigs of porno shit and no
ratios. His number will be changed within 3 days most likely after you
do this one.
15] Call answering machines,(just look up any number in the book) and
give the persons number and tell them to call right away. Also during
the day you can look up people in the phone that have a "Mr. and Mrs."
there, and the wife will probably be home, but not the husband, so tell
the wife to tell the husband to call your victim as soon as possible
and give number.
16] Call Taxi's, Exterminators, Pizza deliverys, Catorers,
Garages, Plumers, Dog Funeral Homes, Flower and Ballon deliverys,
Moving Services, Singing and Striptease telegrams, Junkyards to remove
garbage, report robberies and fires at his/her house, Locksmiths, order
oil from several companies (heating oil), order family portraits taken
at their home, sign him/her up for the army, call realtors to put house
for sale, Septic cleaners, house remodelers, call Bell + tell you are
having with phone, call cable company, and call phone sex lines that
call back and give his number to call back. Order plane tickets, send
brochures of all shit like colleges, beauty schools, and all other
things that send info. On their place, and adress it to:"DICK" and his
last name.
17] Get a library card out his name, and take out books and don't return.
18] Take weed killer, and pour it on his flower garden and yard or put
our initials on his front yard with it so it will show up with dead
grass.
19] And if all else fails... Give his Fone Number to Kawasaki Ninja Dude.
===============================================================================
-=How to Properly Conduct a Satanic Mass, By Studmuffin=-
( V.A.S. 08/1992 )
NOTES WHICH ARE TO BE OBSERVED BEFORE BEGINNING RITUAL:
1. Person performing ritual stands facing the altar and symbol of
Baphomet throughout ritual, except when other positions are
specifically indicated.
2. If posible, altar should be against the west wall.
3. In rituals performed one person the role of priest is not
required. When more than one person is involved in the
ceremony, one of them must act as priest. In a private ritual the
sole performer follows the instructions of the priest.
4. Whenever the words "Shemhamforash!" and "Hail Satan!" are spoken by
the person acting as priest, the other participants will repeat
the words after him. The gong is struck following the other
participants' response to "Hail Satan".
5. Conversing (except within the context of the cerimony) and smoking
are prohibited after the bell is rung at the beginning, until
after it is again rung at the end of the ritual.
6. The book of Belial contains the principles of Satanic magic and
ritual. BEFORE attempting the rituals in The Book of Leviathan,
it is impeprative that you read and understand the complete Book
of Belial. Until you have done so, no degree of success can be
expected from the thirteen steps which follow.
THE THIRTEEN STEPS
1. Dress for ritual.
2. Assemble devices for ritual; light candles and shut out all
outside light sources; place parchments to right and left of
altar as indicated.
3. If a woman is used as the altar she now takes her position - head
pointing south, feet pointing north.
4. Purification of the air by ringing of the bell.
5. "Invocation to Satan" and "Infernal Names" which follow are now
read aloud by priest. Participants will repeat each infernal name
after it has been said by priest.
6. Drink from chalice.
7. Turning counter-clockwise, the priest points with the sword to
each cardinal point of the compass and calls forth the respective
Princes of Hell: Satan from the south, Lucifer from the east,
Belial from the north and Leviathan from the west.
8. Perform benediction with the phallus (if one is used).
9. Priest reads aloud appropriate invocation for respective cerimony:
Lust, Compassion, or Destruction.
10. In the case of a personalized ritual this step is extremely
important. Solitude is compatible with the expressing of the most
secret desires, and no attempt to "hold back" should be made in
the acting out, verbalizing, or casting of images pertaining to
your desires. It is at this step that your "blueprint" is drawn,
wrappeed, and sent off to the recipient of your working.
(A) To Summon One For Lustful Purposes Or Establsh A Sexually
Gratifying Situation.
Leave the area of the altar and remove yourself to that place,
either in the same room or without, that will be msot conductive to
the working of the respective ritual. Then, fashion whatever imagery
you possibly can that will parallel in as exact a way as possible the
situation towards which you strive. Remeber, you have five senses to
utilize, so do not feel you must limit your imagery to one. Here are
devices that may be employed (either alone, or in any combination):
a. graphic imagery such as drawings, paintings, etc.
b. written imagery such as stories, plays, descriptions
of desires and eventual outcome of same.
c. acting out the desire in tableu or playlet, either as
yourself or portraying the role of the object of your
desire, using any devices necessary to intensify imagery.
d. any odors relative to the desired person or situation.
e. any sounds or background noises conductive to a strong
image.
Intense sexual feeling should accompany this step of the
ritual, and after sufficient imagery is obtained, as strong an
orgasm as is possible should serve as a climax to this step. This
climax should be attained using any masturbatory or auto-erotic means
neccessary. After orgasm is obtained, return to the location of the
altar and proceed with step #11.
(B) To Insure Help Or Success For One Who Has Sympathy Or Compassion
(Including Yourself).
Remain in close proximity of the altar and with as vivid a
mental image as possible of the person you wish to help (or intense
self-pity), state your desire in your own terms. Should your emotions
be genuine enough, they will be accompanied by the shedding of tears,
which should be allowed to flow without restraint. After this exercise
in sentiment is completed, proceed to step #11.
(C) To Cause The Destruction Of An Enemy.
Remain in the area of the altar unless imagery is more easily
obtained in another spot, such as in the vicinity of the victim.
Producing the image of the victim, proceed to inflict the destruction
upon the effigy in the manner of your choice. This can be done in
the following ways:
a. the sticking of pins or nails into a doll representing
your victim; the doll may be cloth, wax, wood, etc.
b. the creation of graphic imagery depicting the method of
your victim's destruction; drawings, paintings, etc.
c. the creation of a vivid literary description of your
victim's ultimate end.
d. a detailed soliloquy directed at the intended victim,
describing his torments and annihilation.
e. mutilation, injury, infliction of pain or illness by proxy
using any other means or devices desired.
Intense, calculated hatred and disdain should accompany this
step of the cerimony, and no attempt should be made to stop this
step until the expended energy results in a state of relative
exhaustion on the part of the magician. When this exhaustion ensues,
proceed to step #11.
11(a). If requests are written, they are now read aloud by the priest
and then burned in the flames of the appropriate candle.
"Shemhamforash!" and "Hail Satan!" is said after each request.
11(b). If requests are given verbally, participants (one at a time)
now tell them to the priest. He then repeats in his own words
(those which are most emotionally stimulating to him) the
request. "Shemhamforash!" and "Hail Satan!" is said after
each request.
12. Appropriate Enochian Key is now read by the priest (See the VaS
SaTaN series) as evidence of the participant's allegiance to the
Powers of Darkness.
13. Ringing of the bell as pollutionary, and then the words "So It Is
Done" are spoken by the priest.
===============================================================================
=- Ballad of a Pirate -=
By Tommy The Cat
a shiny new modem, with cables and docs
a shiny new modem, not games or a watch
a brand new 2400, for my 12th birthday
a brand new 2400, not a 1200, no way!
i will call a BBS, and trade games with my friends
i joined some BBS's, oh the fun never ends
then i was everything, with my apogee games
commander keen had saved earth, and I was insane...
with joy and happiness, BBS'ing was so cool
i downloaded a new comm program, and some file management tools
then one day, i get slipped a cool .zip
it contained a commercial program, boy was it hip
the file contained some phone numbers, and some new user
passwords
i'll call up these BBS's, and ditch all the PD bastards
now i'm a pirate, aND i TyPe LiKe THiS
i've got 0-day warez, and i run an elite BBS
now i'm at 14,400, and trading all the cool games
until something happened, on a poor unfortunate day
my BBS got busted, along with all my users
my BBS had been busted, with warez of countless numbers
the feds, they had found me, i had broken the law
they took my computer, and all the floppies they saw
no i owe 1,000 dollars, and 100 hours community service
i was from then on a fellon, and that's even worse
Now it's too late, a lessen i have learned
pirating is no fun, you'll always get burned
Well that about does it for The First issue of SpetzNas. Hope you and your
family enjoyed it. Give us a call at the SpetzNas WHQ via your favorite
Long distance company (g). The Bad Board 512-928-2477 9600+ only!