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  -:- girlie17's...            -:-                        -:-           -:-
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gemini - kennedy.gemi.dev




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    `7$b     -:-  `7$mmm$P'   -:- mystery poetry e'zine #1 -:-    `7$mmm$P'
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                                     "for such chaotic misch-masch potpourri,
                                           what are we to expect but poetry?"
                                                               -:- t.s. eliot

                -:- predictability's a bitch - by girlie17
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

	here it is boys and girls, the introductory issue of mystery!  an
e-zine dedicated to the expression and exploitation of all those wonderful
poems we write -:- because face it -:- our world's pretty fucked up.  so
let's talk about it!

	from that annoying boyfriend or girlfriend to the psycho stalker,
you know we've all felt it.  and we'd all go crazy if we didn't try to
figure out exactly why we let these things get to us.  here are a couple
of little poems i've written because no one can tell me they know how i
feel, and it's almost useless to try and explain it. 

     	"unless you can see inside my head, you can't possibly understand." 
                              				-less than jake

	so for all you girls out there tired of holding it all inside, i'm
just here to say that people will listen if you speak loud enough.  you
just have to get their attention :) and that's not hard to do... so before
i turn the music on for my strip tease i'd just like to say that's there's
fun to be had for all... but just as much pain in the end.

	lots of tasty poetry, so eat up!

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                -:- table of contents
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        (1) to forget you...
                        		(2) anticipation
        (3) don't hurt me
                                        (4) tell me
        (5) and i wonder
                                        (6) the only true pain i've felt
                                            and its cause is you
        (7) daily debate
                                        (8) change of heart
        (9) it feels good
                                        (10) uncertainty
        (11) there is no trust
                                        (12) uncertain future
        (13) and then what...
                                        (14) things change

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                -:- to forget you...
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    the world around me
                    crumbled down
                    my thoughts i wish
                    i could erase
                    i want things to be
                    the way they were
                    before i saw your face
                    you were just an illusion
                    the way i wanted you to be
                    but now i see you're no different
                    just pure complexity
                    so try and let me down
                    without too much bother
                    i can't be hurt anymore
                    all i'd wanted was us

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                -:- anticipation
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    forty days and forty nights
                    it seemed i'd waited for you
                    the days were short
                    but the nights grew long
                    because i always wanted more
                    so tell me what you want from me
                    and then i will tell you...
                    are stories are too different
                    to ever follow through

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                -:- don't hurt me
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    my love is starved
                    my lust is crazed
                    i can only say this
                    in so many ways
                    just tell me you need me
                    and then i can wait
                    but if not you'll puch me
                    to my next mistake
                    i'm trying to wait
                    to share it with you
                    but these feelings inside
                    i know they aren't thru
                    i need you to see me
                    take the risk
                    you've told me you want me
                    in so many words
                    but the distance betwee us
                    holds us apart
                    just one thing i have to say
                    whatever happens
                    don't break my heart

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                -:- tell me
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    i sit here and wait
                    for your message to come
                    to know what you think
                    to know what you feel
                    the key to your thoughts
                    i want it so bad
                    i just need the truth
                    to woman from man
                    i try to tell you
                    just what i feel
                    but i won't come out
                    so what's the fuckin' deal

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                -:- and i wonder
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    i hear your voice
                    over the phone
                    and it's hard to tell
                    just what i'm being told
                    i need an answer
                    can't waste anymore time
                    i still wait for you
                    but i don't know why
                    i met you twice
                    you took my soul
                    now i have
                    no place to go
                    empty promises
                    unfullfilled dreams
                    i'm not quite as you
                    think i seem
                    the world seems empty
                    without you by my side
                    i lay in bed and i start to cry
                    i still wait for you
                    but i don't know why
                    you keep up my hopes
                    and seem to try
                    but you just can't say it
                    and i wonder why

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                -:- the only true pain i've felt and its cause is you
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    for once in my life
                    i felt it was right
                        innocence
                    it was different
                    something new
                        truth
                    we didn't lie
                    or try to be fake
                        reality
                    but then i left
                    and went away
                        pain
                    three states away
                    we sit each day
                        lust
                    i wait for him
                    and turn others away
                        why
                    we promise to meet
                    make future plans
                        feelings
                    so my hopes are there
                    but still he's not
                        faith
                    so still i write
                    and he replies
                        love
                    so i need him 
                    can't do without

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                -:- daily debate
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    not long ago
                    i was on top of the world
                    couldn't want more
                    so many places to go
                    but now it's changed
                    so quickly gone
                    i've never felt
                    so all alone
                    in a corner         
                    i curl up
                    and see what's on the shelf
                    who says that all
                    the easy answers are gone
                    i've got a few right here
                    resting in my palm
                    no more ups
                    and no more downs
                    the problems repeat
                    go round and round
                    so i comfort myself
                    it'll all be over soon
                    i drown my sorrows
                    with one last tune
                    my hands are empty
                    my body's numb
                    i start to feel warm
                    and wait for the end to come

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                -:- change of heart
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    for all the times you'd told me
                    you'd never love anyone more
                    for the the things you gave to me
                    you knew i'd never ask for
                    i'd given in to your sweet requests
                    and never thought you sore
                    but i never thought it'd end like this
                    and now i just feel like a whore

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                -:- it feels good
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    for all the times
                    i've thought of you
                    i'd only hoped that
                    you'd think of me too
                    only wishes
                    only dreams
                    but that was just
                    the way it seemed
                    i didn't think 
                    you'd have the time
                    to indulge my wants
                    and hear my rhyme
                    and then you surprised me
                    late one night
                    we shared our thoughts 
                    and it was right
                    but now it's hard
                    for me to say
                    why exactly i feel this way
                    but it doesn't matter
                    i don't care
                    i'm not wearing underwear

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                -:- uncertainty
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    i wait for you
                    and catch your eye
                    but never get
                    a simple hi
                    i used to think
                    that u wanted me
                    but now i feel
                    just too lonely...
                    i call your name
                    you look my way
                    you still smile
                    but i'm afraid to say...
                    so let me know
                    how u feel
                    so i can try
                    and start to heal
                    but maybe we
                    still have a chance
                    but i'm afraid
                    to stop and ask.

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                -:- there is no trust
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                    you seemed happy with me
                    a new adventure to look forward to
                    everything was new
                    so many promises, future plans
                    was this an act?
                    why do you seem so changed?
                    i'm not supposed to be here alone
                    yoi should be with me
                    i sacrificed for you
                    threw away another for you
                    so now who do i find comfort with?
                    you leave me with nothing
                    at a time when we should have been rich
                    i can't get an answer from you
                    or myself
                    i'm still confused about
                    the turns my life has taken
                    no more promises
                    no more dreams
                    it's just easier to rely on myself
                    no more disappointment
                    no more surprises
                    alone i find myself
                    faced with the truth
 
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                -:- uncertain future
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=
    
                    from far away
                    you smile at me
                    share your dreams...
                    and fantasies
                    it's the closest thing
                    i've found to love
                    but it still remains...
                    will you be the same
                    when i see you again
                    will your smile have changed
                    by the time i see you again
                    will you wait for me
                    so far away
                    what do you want from me...
                    so far away
                    i expect so much from you
                    i destroy myself
                    so i give up
                    and turn inward
                    have i found another happiness?
                    or just proved myself a hypocrite
                    so many questions
                    i'll never get to answer
                    maybe if i ignore them,
                    my problems will go away
                    just like you

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                -:- and then what...
                    =:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=

                    unexpected meeting
                    we find each other
                    cheerful greeting
                    we turn away from another...
                    we're pushed together
                    renew our past
                    talk to one another
                    a future? we asked
                    a sudden complication
                    of which i'm not aware
                    i'm afraid to ask the question
                    i'd never even dare
                    my irresponsible ignorance
                    foolish pride and spite
                    keep me from the truth
                    who knows what's right
                    this happened in our past
                    our only other encounter
                    we should have learned
                    from our last mistake
                    i guess neither of us has changed

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                -:- things change
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                    things have changed so quickly
                    but i don't seem to mind
                    i guess i wasn't ready
                    to see what i could find
                    or maybe i just wouldn't wait
                    for the plans i had inside
                    you were an excuse to put things off
                    a reason to brush aside
                    but now i know what i want
                    and it's not you... 
                    so i guess i lied
                    i thought my feelings were real
                    maybe they were -:- i'll never know
                    so until i tell you
                    anything goes...

                               .        :
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                               [[[[, ,[[[[,
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                               888 Y88" 888o
                               MMM  M'  "MMM

                                                          "life is a mystery,
                                                  everyone must stand alone."
                                                                  -:- madonna

            mystery #1 was written by girlie17 and edited by mogel.
            mystery e'zine (c) copyright 1997.  all rights reserved.
            please direct all correspondance & submissions to mogel@dto.net.
                   
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