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It is us! Mindless Mayhem is released yet again! And this time
with a daily dose of Vitamin K!
Starring Great One
in:
Winter Wonderlands
Mindless Mayhem issue number Twenty-Five!
===============================================================================
Woe is me, I recently discovered that typing in alternating
caps is common and accepted amongst the boards considered to be
cool in the nation. I think soon I will stop calling out all
together! And then NO ONE AT ALL will get access to my board!
Just ME. It would be rather dull, as I can only reply to my
own messages so many times, but at least I wouldn't have to read
the really mutant people's messages...
Recently, my pet Mega-Guppy popped out 30 kids. Then,
not more than a month later, 20 more, and then, not more than
a month later, 15 more. Mega-Guppy has no other guppies in with
her, and I am starting to wonder just how she is getting herself
knocked up. The gold fish can't be doing it. I'm not doing it,
even if I tried the chromozones wouldn't be compatible, and I
have taken all the babies out before they could breed or be eaten
by the monster goldfish that resemble small cars in their size
relation.
Like you all care. Anyway, Here are a few ways to have fun
during the winter. Some of this stuff requires some prior chemical
know-how, some goodies you may have to buy, or just guts.
-----------
Part One: Fun (the rest of the file is also a part one of one)
A long time ago, I decided that small children were worthless and should
be put to sleep. Unfortunately when I ran for congress, that idea did not
carry over well with the voters and I didn't get to make it a law. However,
here are some things you can do to at least have a fun time with them.
1: Go to Toys R Us. They are always there. Navigate your way
to the area where they have the nintendos or whatever set up,
(nintendos are what little kids play you know. Nintendo even
admitted that their games are aimed at the younger audience, even
the games for the super nintendo) and make sure the friends that
you brought are there with you. You can:
o Push them out of the line to play it and make them cry.
o Drop stink bombs as we did and watch them all LEAVE (except for
one little asian boy who HAD to play mario no matter what stench
filled the area)
o Follow them. They all know the Stranger Danger thing. And if
they watch Barney (I cringe at the name) all the better, because
they know to run and scream for help and carry on like idiots.
And, if you were smart, you'd say you are making your way for the
register with the rocket engines you picked up if you are stopped.
Of course, you weren't originally going to PAY for those engines,
were you?
o Tell them that you know how they can get a game for free. Then
make up some story that would sound logical to them. They believe
in santa, so chances are they'll believe you too since there's
something in it for them.
For more fun about little kid toys, get the MM issue #5 about Bigwheel's
O' Fun by Mr. Beeg.
-----
Find a large sewer. There is one near my place of resisdence that looks
like the entrance to the Eye of the Beholder dungeon, and is about as
big, too. Getting into it was REAL bitch. The area around it was all
bumpy because it was frozen mud with sleet covering it, so in otherwords
it was very smooth but bumpy ice, very similar to marbles on a concrete
floor. You can't walk on this without falling. We had a great time just
trying to get INTO the thing (remember, it wasn't a manhole it was an
ENTRANCE!) because we had to climb down a small cement wall as well and
then go onto a 45 degree mound of dirt with the same problems as before,
only it headed into a small stream if you fell...
If you are lucky, some of the water in the sewer will be frozen enough to
slide on. This may sound sort of stupid, but actually it's kind of fun.
The only drawback with this sewer was the large amounts of rusting metal
spikes sticking out of the walls. This made sliding at great speeds
perilous to say the least, so we didnt do that. (On another note, the
next summer we narrowly escaped the police when an old lady that lived in
the nursing home nearby phone the cops when she saw a bunch of people
head into the sewer. So we weren't careful about who saw us! It's only
a sewer, and there were no signs that said no tresspassing...)
Lucky for the cop the pipe bomb we had put in there hadn't gone off.
If it DID, I think we'd still be running.
-------
Fill those nitrous oxide cartridges with gunpowder (after you used the
gas, stupid!)! They make excellent crater makers. And, in the snow, you
can get it to fly in all directions. Just be careful not to actually
watch the snow go, or you may get hit by shrapnel. The careful anarchist
is the alive and well anarchist. Live to be chaotic again another day!
There's no glory in brain damage!
Those are also very nice in pipe launchers. I am currently attempting
to figure out a way of how to make an effective "mortar" launcher.
It would involve blasting the cartridge out of the pipe, and in the
initial blast that would light the wick of the cartridge, which would
eventually detonate somewhere in the sky (unless you aimed it at some
window or something, where it would eventually detonate in the building)
Take care that you aren't CAUGHT with something like that, as chances
are you will be sited for having an illegal firearm, illegal use of a
firearm, no FOID, Ammo discharge, and all that crap. At best, find a big
field and practice. Finding the right amount of powder to use isn't hard
, it's the COMPRESSION that's difficult. It's hard to compress it so that
it pushes the cart out REALLY far and really fast. The best I can get
it to go is twenty feet. Can anyone help me out here?
You also would be wise to have a large supply of improvised gunpowder.
Remember, our instructions for that DO indeed work! I understand that
finding the chemicals for it is difficult at best, but if you find it
make sure you STOCK UP BIG TIME or you may regret it!
You can make snow glow by getting a very large mound and putting thermite
on it (and igniting it) . It's not very creative, but glowing snow is not
something one sees every day.
---------------------
Speaking of useless children, here is something I clipped out of the paper:
Boys accused of making bomb:
BARRINGTON, IL -- a 12-year old boy was arrested (yes!) after he reportedly
placed a homemade bomb of aerosol cans and matches on the front porch of
his home on Hillside Avenue Thursday, police said. The bomb was diffused
by an officer and did not injure anyone (the bomb or the officer?), reports
indicated. The boy was released into his mother's custody.
What a shining example of youth! Doing things out in the open to get
caught! I have to wonder though, what exactly he was making. I only
know how to shoot flame from aerosol cans (and I don't do that because I
don't want to die horribly when the flame gets sucked into the can), and
I don't see how he could make a bomb out of the multiple cans unless he
sat there and heated them up while he waited to die from the soon-to-be
resulting explosion.
---------------------
Why do people suddenly become happy at Christmas time? I wish everyone
was mean like they usually are, as it is difficult to bear all sorts of
smiling happy people. Here is how you can help your community become
more idealistic in their Not Liking Other People traits:
o Find the latest kids toy in the store, and then proceed
to place it somewhere else, you know, barbies with the
transformers, vice versa, etc.
o Remember those stink bombs? Visit the public bathrooms.
o After you do that, find out where the crowd is the thickest
and put them there, too.
o Go to a video selling store and then mix the Playboy videos
up with the Disney showcase. Do the same with heavy metal
videos and classic music.
o Many malls have a food area. Get in line and then read
each menu, and then keep changing your mind when you go to
make an order. Not only will this piss the cashier person
off, the people behind you won't like it either.
o Use stink bombs in the food area. Nothing beats the smell
of pizza and ammoniumdisulfide!
o Offer 'Valet' parking even if you don't work for the valet
service, and either take it or park it somewhere really
far away.
o Bring some friends and just STAND somewhere and let people
try to squirm past. This is usually effective on a staircase.
Ok, so its all juvenile and such. But the worst charge you can get
is disorderly conduct (assuming you don't attempt to valet park),
so it's no real big deal.
---------------------
For fun on your own or with friends, find a nice big ice covered or snow
filled parking lot and go real fast and slam on the emergency brakes.
Don't do this too often, as its not good for any part of the car! Donuts
work well here too (spinning around real fast), as the car can spin
wildly out of control. This is why you want a big parking lot that's
empty! This is usually fun with a big car or a sports car.
If police see you doing this, you won't like the consequences to your
insurance rates.
Pouring water over the gas cap is always a fun and educational thing to
do to other cars. In winter, it gets cold, and therefore water will
freeze. And the gas cap will effectively remain in place.
Flat tires and Ice do not mix well. So flatten anyones' tires that
you see fit to do so.
I think this was in a different text file, but small furry animals in
dryer ducts always smell nice when they die! If you can't do it, then
maybe you can find a dead one to put in.
Sometimes, people have fireplaces where the ashes are emptied out on the
the outside of the fireplace. Insert your favorite exploding device
under a pile of ashes. No one cleans the fireplace after every fire, and
no one pokes through the ashes either. Try to use something relatively
harmless, as you don't want to KILL the people, right? You would probably
be best off getting lots of smoke grenades (smoke in the house is fun!)
or jumping jacks, as they will bounce all around the fireplace and they
won't know what it is.
Buckets of water poured onto the front porch or around the tires of
any car can result in hours of viewing enjoyment!
No one likes to get hit with snowballs, and no one likes to get hit by
ones that have a thin layer of snow surrounding a pound of ice.
That water is really useful when it comes to mailboxes, too (assuming
you haven't blown them up or batted them yet).
Ice and nails don't mix with car tires, and such is an effective way
to make that flat we mentioned earlier.
Put a small furry animal on a patch of ice and watch it run in place!
I guess you can get a hamster wheel for that too, but hey its winter.
The moment the light turns green, make like an italian and press the
horn down as hard as you can to get the people in front of you moving.
Fast acceleration and poor road conditions are fun! Just dont accelerate
right after they do!
---------------
Matt isn't going to jail! I've you've read the past few issues, you'll
know that he's not a well liked person (he's weird!). He pled mental
instability and that he's thought of suicide and instead of going to the
slammer he gets to see a court appointed therapist! I can think
of many swears to use as adjectives for this guy, so I will let you
think of some, too.
---------------
How many people actually read this crap I put out, anyway? No one has
sent me mail for a long time (to the post office box!). So someone
send me that christmas music tape so I can go insane and get a big gun
and shoot people repeatedly. Or something like that. Send anything!
Info on electronic stuff! Info on what you'd like to read! Info
on other text groups and boards! Info on your board so we can compile
a list of text boards! Note: Only send it IF you want to be on a list!
I for example would probably die if my board ended up on a BBS list,
and I have died several times to prove it. Unauthorized advertising
is a big No No!
I want a new intro for the beginning. That circle with the A is sort
of stupid. So, I have decided that THIS picture is far more cool,
but I cannot take credit for it, I don't know who drew it!
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???? ?????? ????? ???????
????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????
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A N A R C H Y F O R E V E R
Well that was nice. I don't plan to use it, but it was neat anyway.
Oh! And for you SysOps that wanted a special message to give to those
leeching zitheads on your board, you can give them a display of either
of the extra included files in this zip. They are simple, but display
a basic message that shows that you really care!
---------------
I haven't much more to say, but I'll follow tradition for once and say
that drinking and driving isn't cool, but either of the two are if not
mixed!
---------------
Call Destiny Knights BBS at 708 307 3768 and say that you got it
from an MM file. Make sure you state which one! I want to know whats
being read out there. There is no new user password. Chances are
you will be deleted, so apply anyway so I can enjoy deleting yet
another person in my quest for mercilessness.
All I can tell you is to keep up on your homework and don't type in
alternating caps.
You can also call the 3 Guys BBS, at 907 428 2530 and also say
you got it from here! They are an offical MM circulation board.
Not too many boards can say that on their opening screen! And and
chances are, he doesn't have it on his. In fact, I don't even
have it on mine!
----------------
Mindless Mayhem is published whenever by Crash Korrigan. Assistant
writers are Hap Hazard and Ming the Merciless.
Ok so I lied. They don't have anything to do with this.
Feel free to write Melvin Woznikki (yes that's the name to use)
at PO Box 958542 Hoffman Estates, IL 60195-8542 to relay
your comments. And no, that's not my real name. My real name
is Jack Enoff, and you can see why I don't tell anyone what it is!
Ok so I lied about my real name, too.
----------------
We are always looking for something to write about. Usually this is
a rather sporadic thing, and we don't like being spores. So help us out!
Any information on anything related to this sorta stuff (sorry we haven't
done much on hacking, but hey, I'm not going to do it in my house!)
including pyros, anarchy, hacking, cracking, virii, whatever.
-----EOF--------
See you on the other side!