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[ Mind Warp - Volume #6, Issue #12, File #92 ]
[ Music Review #9 - by Mustaine ]
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Music Review #9
[Mustaine]
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Mustaine's Music Scale
(revised <YET again> 06/15/96)
0) Sucks!!! 6) Gettin' there...
1) Bites!!! 7) Kewl..sorta
2) Eww!!! 8) Yo! I can dig this stuff!
3) Crap!!! 9) Woo! Play some more...
4) Blah, Blah... 10) Incredibly Spiffy!
5) Not half bad, but crap.. 11) Has to be by Dream Theater?
NR) FUnky!..but no rating possible.
Alrighty then. My second installment in this issue of the zine.
Let's see...incoming Stabbing Westward, Candlebox, and Weird "Al." I lied
about the Dream Theater and Enya. We'll get to them someday...reviewing
like 4 Dream Theater albums would just take too damn long.
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Band #1
Name : Candlebox
Album : Lucy
Info. : When the bomb dropped on Pearl Harbor, this album should have been
visiting. Although the debut album by Candlebox kicked Monkey
Balls, this one sucks them. And I don't mean those silly little
testes baby, I'm talking large, milky, hairy, monkey balls. You
might as well turn the album OFF after the first song...which isin't
even that great. Don't buy it...unless your a cult fan.
1) Simple Lessons (8)
2) Drowned (3)
3) Lucy (3)
4) Best Friend (2)
5) Become (To Tell) (3)
6) Understanding (4)
7) Crooked Halo (3)
8) Bothered (2)
9) Butterfly (5)
10) It's Amazing (2)
11) Vulgar Before Me (3)
12) Butterfly (Reprise) (2)
A reprise??? Who do they think they are? SEAL? Ugh.
Band #2
Name : Stabbing Westward
Album : Wither Blister Burn + Peel
Info. : I do believe they debuted in my little music thang a while ago with
their first album. I do believe that album rocked. WOO. They're
back. <insert twighlight zone here> Ok, so the album isin't as
quite cutting edge as the first...and well..they still are singing
about how women always screw them, and they can never keep them,
and they never, ever get laid. Oh well. They're still cool dammit.
Yeah, the radio plays them now..(Although why they play this album
and not the first is beyond MY comprehension)..so I guess they are
mainstream. Welcome to mainstream boyz...you need to get laid.
1) I Don't Believe (9)
2) Shame (8)
3) What Do I Have To Do? (9)
4) Why (7)
5) Inside You (8)
6) Falls Apart (9)
7) So Wrong (8)
8) Crushing Me (9)
9) Sleep (7)
10) Slipping Away (8)
Band #3
Name : "Weird Al" Yankovic
Album : bad hair day
Info. : Um. Yeah. Well, ok. Twisted, yet funny, yet not bad music.
End of Commentary, you amish loving dweezels.
Sike! He covers songs, only twists them to major funny. That
f*cking lame rap song by Coolio is now "Amish Paradise." Hmm...
doesn't complain about opression and all that crap, and is
mildly entertaining...I'd say about 3 steps up from the original.
U2's Hold me, thrill me song is turned into "Cavity Search."
Very amusing.. "The Alternative polka" will have you jammin to
such greats as Trent Reznor... and "Gump", a parady of that
"President of the USA" band's song...will have you and your
box of chocholates on the floor. It's a definite buy!
1) Amish Paradise (NR)
2) Everything You Know is Wrong (5)
3) Cavity Search (NR)
4) Callin In Sick (7)
5) The Alternative Polka (NR)
6) Since You've Been Gone (7)
7) Gump (NR)
8) I'm So Sick Of You (6)
9) Syndicated Inc. (NR)
10) I Remember Larry (5)
11) Phony Calls (NR)
12) The Night Santa Went Crazy (7)
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