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????????? ??????? ????????? ??? ??????? [MiLK]
????????? ??????? ????????? ??? ?????? File #32
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Let's Talk About ? S?E?X ?
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By Somebody Who Knows Absolutely Nothing
Whatsoever About the Entire Matter
(e.g. Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III)
The next time somebody asks you what the meaning of life is, there is a
great easy answer. No, it's not a pansy answer like the standard
Christian fundamentalist answer of "we all have the God-given holy
blah blah responsibility blah blah purpose blah blah evangelize the
world blah blah" bullshit. It's not a retarded liberal "we have to
clean the environment" crap, it's not any sissy "fulfilling our divine
purpose" shit or even crazy drugged-out "following the decrees of the
stars" stuff.
Instead, the answer is simple: Human beings exist to reproduce. Boy,
that doesn't sound very exciting, does it? Of course, there are other
compensations like computer games, eating steak, drinking and driving,
reading moronic text files, killing lampreys, etc. etc. but let's face
it, the sole purpose of human existence is to put another generation of
human beans on earth to suffer through the same experience. Of course,
as you have probably learned in fifth grade, or from some dirty
magazine your parents showed you a long time ago, there is always sex.
Now, sex is a weird thing. Everyone thinks sex is great, and everyone
wants to have it, but what's the thing about sex everyone wants? Well,
the orgasm. And so we go through life playing the demented moves of
the dating game, the courtship game, and finally, foreplay and all that
stuff (I hope you know what that entails, unless you are under 10 years
old, in which case, what the heck are you doing reading this text
file?), and all for a few seconds worth of pleasure.
Frederic Pohl had an interesting comparison. In one of his books, a
character relates how difficult it is to explain sex to alien races.
They think it's like sneezing. You don't want to do it all the time,
and you don't talk about that kind of thing in pleasant company, but
sometimes, your body tells you you have to do it, and if you don't do
it you're really uncomfortable, and finally it happens and afterwards
you feel a lot better.
Good comparison, eh? But hey, nobody WANTS to sneeze unless they're
sick. So if sex is like sneezing, does that mean the entire human race
is sick? Can we be cured? Maybe when people get older, they become
less susceptible to the sex sickness. That's my personal theory,
because geez, even thinking about trying to imagine thinking about
coming close to visualizing the thought of the attempt to imagine old
geezers going at it makes me retch. In fact, as I write this smut, I'm
retching onto my keyboard. <retch retch>. Yeech.
I mean hey, try it next time you're stuck with a big group of old
geezers, or even people who are just barely over the hill (e.g. from 25
and up). Good places to do this are at PTA meetings or at church. See
the couples sitting together with their kids, they must have had sex a
few times at least. Can you imagine it, though? Ewwwwww. I bet you
can't. Isn't that disgusting? But I bet they didn't think so at the
time.
Yup, that's right, sex is disgusting and immoral. Tune in next time
for the next issue of PTL weekly, right here, same MiLK-time, same
MiLK-channel. BLa--I mean, MiLK. Oh fuck it, whatever.
? ? [MiLK] Information
? ?
? ? [MiLK] Sites:
? ?
? ? Barney's Pleasure Palace...(708)965-3098 [14,400]
????????????? The Acropolis..............(708)557-2826 [14,400]
????????????? The Lunatic Phringe........(708)232-0565 [12 Nodes]
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????????????? File Number 32 By Yohan Bawk
????????????? This file is Exactly 4960 bytes long