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THE Electronic Fun Zone dedicated to fertilizing Mother Earth
in the finest possible tradition. Serving Mother since the 1950s.
Issue 009, Vol I
September 1988
copyright (c) 1988
caren park
chief bottle washer, owner, publisher, editor, other stuff
all rights reserved, and all that legal rigamarole
============================================================================
A very few words:::
If those among you would kindly send in junk that you have no other
use for, stuff that you read and find humorous, filth that no one else will
take, stories absurd or preposterous, news that isn't fit to line
litterboxes anywhere, if you would send those gems to us here at The Humus
Report, we'd appreciate it. Our address will be given to you near the end
of our report. We will cull from the post office box all death threats and
denunciations, and print what we can of whatever is left. The rest is up to
you...
We would appreciate it if: (1) the sending of copyrighted material
for publication was sent ONLY if you also send along a legal release for us
to use that material; (2) if you should see non-attributed copyrighted
material in our stuff, please let us know ASAP so we can take appropriate
actions; (3) if you like what we do here, please donate whatever you feel
appropriate, so that we can continue to bring you this stuff month after
month...
I also have a program contained within CKP-MSG.ARC from which
virtually everything you will see here can be found, and then some. For a
nominal cost per year, I will provide the latest copy of the ibm/compat
program AND the latest updates of the datafile to you... address inquiries
about this program and/or the datafile to the address near the end of our
report...
We can thank Malcolm Peltcher for educating us about gas grills,
Roger Tang, Mike Santora, and a special thanx to Ronald Reagan and all of
his friends for making it exceptionally easy to find good fertilizings...
So, without further adieu, on with the show...
============================================================================
"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here..."
============================================================================
Edgar Rice Burroughs (1st, 1875), the novelist who created the
creature eventually known through Johnny Weismuller as the kid with the "Ah-
ee-ah-ee-ah!" heard round the world... On the 7th, Queen Liz the First was
the first of the Liz's (1533) to be Liz, leading to Liz Taylor and all of
her husbands in our time... The 7th also produced Grandma Moses (1860) and
James Van Allen (1914), both significant folk in the history of the United
States, and both well worth researching...
Peter Sellers didn't start warning Cato or bothering Chief Inspector
until after his birth on the 8th, 1925... Jesse Owens (12th, 1913) realized
several dreams during his lifetime, not the least of which was spoiling Herr
Hitler's predictions of the dominance of the white man over the black man in
the 1936 track events of the Berlin Olympics...
Many talented ladies dot the September scene, with Margaret Sanger,
feminist extraordinaire (14th, 1883); Dame Agatha Christie (15th, 1890),
mystery writer par excellance; and Lauren "...just put your lips together
and blow..." Bacall (16th, 1924), great whistler, actress, and Bogart foil
in many movies...
Numerous writers need give thanx to Herbert George Wells (21st,
1866) for expanding visions of the future without the help of rose-colored
glasses; Numerous musicians need give thanx to Ray Charles (23rd, 1930) for
his expanding visions of the future through his fingers and mind; Numerous
satirists ... etc... Al Capp (28th, 1909), who found Dogpatch somewhere on
the map of these here United States, and lived to tell us about it and its
inhabitants; and, those that wish to should give thanx that Truman Capote
was born on the 30th in 1924, among our shortest of short-story writers...
Last, but not least, we have Jim Hensen (24th, 1936) creating
characters who live today without strings (like Kermit and Miss Piggy), and
John Chapman (26th, 1774), THE original Johnny Appleseed... apparently he
was not a fig-ment of someone's pie-eyed imagination... :)
Because it occurs all over the first week at one time or another,
we'll just put Labor Day up here, even though we attempt to do no labor
during that day...
Aaron Burr seems to have led a most extraordinary life, and being
acquitted on charges of plotting to set up an empire appears to be yet
another sharp point in his, 1st, 1807... The history of Los Angeles dates
back to the 4th in 1781, founded in a valley appropriately named "the Valley
of Smokes" by the Indians; they noticed that what smoke went up didn't
disperse on the winds easily; they should have nuked the sight then...
The first gasoline pump is delivered to a gasoline dealer on the 5th
in 1885; I often wonder who they would have delivered it to back then if
NOT a gasoline dealer; I can't remember any 7-11s or AM-PM Minimarts being
open, even back then... The Lincoln Highway opened as the first paved
coast-to-coast highway on the 10th in 1913, while the 14th in 1899 is
important because some tourist named Henry Bliss gets his clock punched in
New York, becoming the first person attacked by an automobile on a permanent
basis... While we're here, we might as well point out that the first baby
born on the Golden Gate Bridge took thirty-some years to gain that
notoriety, waiting until the 19th in 1968...
Star Trek first appears on TV, using NBC as their launching pad, on
the 6th in 1966... Swanson proves you CAN fool people some of the time,
selling its first "TV dinner" on the 10th in 1953, leading the way to the
premiere of Gunsmoke on CBS on the 10th in 1955... "The Tonight Show"
debuted on the 24th in 1954; does anyone remember the names of even half of
the >long-term< hosts?...
If you were reading last month's Humus Report, you might have seen
something that said that Voyager II was launched sometime in August of
1977... well, I've also seen a September 5th, 1977, launch date... which
one is right?
Lincoln makes two important speeches during September, the first
about when you CAN fool people (8th, 1858), the second about inalienable
rights (the Emancipation Proclamation, 22nd, 1863)... International
Literacy Day is celebrated on the 8th every year... The New York Times
first goes on sale, at 2 cents per copy, on the 18th in 1851...
The capitol of the United States may have eventually moved to
Washington DC, but most "New Yawkaas" will tell you that NYC is STILL the
capitol (having been crowned on the 13th in 1788)... AP Giannini married
Clorinda Cuneo on the 14th, 1892; we don't know either marriage partner, so
if you do, please send us information about WHY we placed this announcement
here... Oh, yeah... The first tooth extraction to occur under "happy
drugs" occurred in Charlestown, Massachusetts (30th, 1846); I've heard it
claimed that marriage affects the same nerves, so perhaps we should use
happy drugs during the ceremony? Just a thought...
Felt Hat Day is celebrated on the 15th... The start of the Jewish
New Year appears on the 18th... The Autumn Harvest Festival happens in
Wheaton, Illinois on the 22nd... The first day of fall is usually on the
23rd... and, the 28th is the birth anniversary of Confucius...
A patent was granted for the Ice Cream Cone, a most important date
in American history, the 22nd of September 1903...
This one intrigues me, and perhaps it's the reason the Post Office
is in such dire straits all the time: The US Post Office was established on
the 22nd of September in 1789... Congress came along two days later (24
September 1789) and CREATED the Post Office... where's that chicken and egg
again?
My, the things you can learn by reading The Humus Report... Boggles
the mind, don't it? :)...
============================================================================
Revenge: I'll just let the following speak for itself. If you know
of any "practical jokes" or "revenge tactics", please let us know about them
so we can include them in a future issue.
After all, there are oh so many folks out there who deserve just
what is coming to them... :)
-----
You can also use high voltage fields and non-contacting electrodes.
You want a gradiant of a volt/cm or so, if I remember correctly.
Frequencies in the range of 3-5 Hz can cause confusion in the subject; this
leads to an interesting anti-door-to-door salesman/preacher device. Two
metal plates, one on either side of the door, running vertically from about
3 to 7 or 8 feet above the ground. This allows the filling of the space in
front of the door with the ELF field. Connect a high-voltage amp's output
to the plates, and drive it with your sine wave generator.
If, upon answering the door, you find a personage that you do not
wish to speak with, switch on the power. Maybe wiggle the frequency
slightly. If they get sufficiently confused and dazed you might be able to
reverse the intended roles. Do not attempt this if you have a metal
doorframe
- Scott Scidmore, talking about using electronics in doorways
against people you don't like, 14 October 1987 -
-----
FULLY LIMITED WARRANTY: C&S Software (hereinafter explicitly
referred to as CS) warrants this product against defect in material and
workmanship for a period of 1/5 of a second or one (1) disk revolution,
which ever occurs first.
During the warranty period we will replace, repair or ignore (at our
option) any defective item provided it has not been subjected to flagrant
abuse such as: inserting the disk in a disk drive; reading the instruction
manual, etc; or used in accordance with the directions supplied.
No other warranties are expressed including the warranties of
merchantability; fitness for a particular purpose; or delivery of product
ordered. Nothing in this statement shall be construed as a written
statement of warranty or guarantee including, but not limited to, this
sentence.
This statement takes away specific legal rights and you may have
other rights taken away which may vary from state to state
- C & S Software -
-----
In binary language, 00 is none,
Which cannot be said to be new.
Nor is it novel that 01 is one,
But in binary, 10 is two!
If you ponder and strive, perhaps you'll contrive
A matrix from which you will see
That 101 stands for the numeral five,
While the simple 11 equals three.
Computers, of course, speak binary perforce,
Though we mortals the language abhor;
We'd sooner endorse the numerical Morse,
But we're not who the language is 100
- Francis Cartier -
-----
To my darling Husband,
I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so
that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I
thought you should know what has been going at home since your IBM computer
entered out lives two years ago.
The children are doing quite well, Tommy is seven now and is a
bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He
drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but
yours was excellent! The chair and the back of your head are very
realistic. You would be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you
did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still
remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What
a great day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity
was out.
I am also doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was
delighted to discover that it really is more fun! Lars --- I mean, Mr
Swenson, the department head --- has taken an interest in my career and has
become a good friend to us all. I have discovered that the household chores
are much easier after I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed, but
that feather dusting made you sneeze.
The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last
spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut
air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars --- Mr Swenson, I mean
--- is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired
a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep things
in order, fill your cofee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, just the
way you like it.
I hope you and the IBM have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy,
Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are
booting.
Love Mary
============================================================================
During Gemini 2, an unmanned-spacecraft test in the 1960's, a radio
commentator at the scene had his launch copy prepared ahead of time. As the
countdown ended, the reporter began to read, "We have liftoff, and the giant
rocket is rising into the beautiful blue Florida skies, streaking out over
the Atlantic, a thunderous roar filling the area."
When he finally looked up, he realized that he heard no roar, and
saw no rocket rising. The rocket still sat there. He thought fast and
carried on: "And something has gone wrong --- four giant arms have reached
out and pulled the rocket back to the pad!"
- Nicholas C Chriss, "Editor & Publisher" -
-----
Here's a small list of some of the more "unusual" catalogue of
publications out there... I realize that I'm not all inclusive in the
category of strangeness here, so if there's a group or a publication that
you feel should be included in future fertilizings, I'd appreciate hearing
about them... DISCLAIMER: We do NOT advocate anything from any one of
these mail orders, nor are we affiliated with any of them, so if something
goes wrong, we ain't responsible... With that in mind... :)
-----
Schizophrenics International
PoBox 50456
Ft Worth, TX 76105
Definitely lives up to its name. Has that certain "something that
only comes with true psychosis. Ask for a copy of the FREE booklet THE
PSYCHOLOGY OF PURITY AND CHASTITY by Ed Mood. "Even after we become
children of the Creator we are still emotionally carnal and are in need of
conversion to a human vegetable. That is what schizophrenia is all about."
He says that mental illness allowed him to "purify" himself. "Sex is
spiritual dirt and insanity, since it sinks worse to the tree, it is
spiritual manure... The emotionally carnal person eats his dirt and having
eaten, proceeds to manufacture his flesh after the manner of barnyard
animals by using his dirty bottom. The human vegetable converts his dirt
and manure by keeping his face to the light and manufactures his flesh by
using the top half of his body, as a tree, up in the air, where it is clean"
-----
Action Amenities
1093 Broxton Ave, Suite 567
Los Angeles, CA 90024
For only the most daring collectors of hate-psychosis materials.
"Confidential dissemination" of "discreet materials" and "procurement and
disburesement of intolerable viwepoints and expressions," including some
from the horrifying Robert T Calhoun & Associates, a group so noxious they
have had to flee even THIS country. Handbills, posters, reprints of the
most hair-curdling psycho-racist rants, starnge and spiritually obscene
cassettes, various vivid illustrations of psychosis in action. The
"Preacher Tape" ($6) is a recording of a bitter, hateful small-town Jim
Jones-type who got plastered before his radio sermon --- unbelievable. Most
frightening of all the the tape "Plan for Chaos" ($6), perhaps the most
disturbing piece of electronic media on the planet. We certainly do not
condone all of their activities. Send SASE
-----
IN MEDIA'S FECES and KILL FOR PEACE AGAIN
Tuli Kupferberg
160 Sixth Ave
New York, NY 10013
Potent minimalist cartoons by one of the Fugs, a bulldada band that
will live in infamy. $1 each [Note: this is the same man who used to mail
his snot to the power company, doing George Metesky one better]
-----
Loompanics
PO Box 1197
Port Townsend, WA 98368
"The Greatest Book Catalog In The World" --- outlaw publishers who
also sell outlaw books... including some by our military. "No more
secrets, no more excuses, no more limit." A few of their categories:
Underground economy. Fake IDs. Police science. Con games. Self-defense.
Revenge. Guns. Bombs. Guerrilla warfare. Self-sufficiency. Alternate
energy. Life extension. Drugs. Heresy. Forbidden philosophies. Human
pleasure. $2 for huge catalog that is a reading experience UNTO ITSELF!
Opens doors you didn't want to know existed! Highly recommended... will
scare the pants off some people, because it points out aspects of the world
that just won't go away. Don't just buy the catalog --- order the books
before the company gets shut down
-----
Edmund Scientific
101 E Gloucester Pike
Barrington, NJ 08007
The "Spencer's Gifts" of modern science, boon to junior-high science
nerds scince I was a kid, and still going strong. Every conceiveable
geegaw, tool, and kit for amateur science hobbyists. They have Three Mile
Island and CHALLENGER Space Shuttle plastic model kits (for the morbid
child-at-heart)! Remember how you could hold a cheap magnifying glass under
the hot sun and scorch leaves and hapless insects? Well, today's kids can
purchase three-by-four giant Fresnel lenses that will "melt asphalt in
seconds." Also: enormous balloons and UFO kites for scaring the paranoid
old occultist ladies in the neighborhood. Spy-o-scopes and Giant Ears for
snooping on Sis when she's huffing glue with the neighbor's boy. Hologram
pendants with blinking eyes and psychedelic optical illusions. Van DeGraff
generators, 50,000-volt Tesla coils, Jacob's ladders. Unfortuantely, it
looks like they don't carry the home atom-smasher anymore. Someone's Mom
probably complained. But a sharp ten-year-old could probably still assemble
a small nuclear detonator with the junk in this big FREE catalog
-----
Archie McPhee
Box 30852
Seattle, WA 98103
Great selection of kitschy toys and decor --- lawn flamingos, fake
rocks, duck hats, rubber dinosaurs, lobster-claw harmonicas, neat-o toys
from the 50's, Japanese monsters... and good prices. One of the few
remaining stockers of Potato Guns! Huge free catalog... please go to the
trouble of asking for it. A postcard will suffice. When in Seattle, visit
the shop at 3534 Stone Way North... they're in the book
============================================================================
Using A Gas Grill
by Malcolm Peltcher (c)opyright 1987
We got a gas grill.
This is the bigtime, folks, the mainstream. Not one of those wimpy
little charcoal grills which you hang over for hours and re-squirt with some
liquid which they CLAIMED was flammable, only to find the liquid only puts
out what little fire you already had. I'm talking about a GAS grill, just
like all the steak places use.
First, it is important to understand the nature of a gas grill. It
is basically a blast furnace, scaled down to backyard proportions. Set at a
high enough temperature (essentially, anything from "ON" up), it can melt
every metal known to man, with the possible exception of its own housing,
which I suspect is made of tungsten. A gas grill is NOT electric, nor does
it in any way involve electricity, and is therefore rather unpredictable.
And lastly, a gas grill has a phenomenal thermal mass, to the extent that it
can inflict third degree burns for days after being turned off.
Now that you understand the basics of the gas grill, we will go into
a gas grill "how to" tutorial which will prepare you for all aspects of
owning and operating a gas grill.
First, of course, comes assembly of our unit. This should always
begin at the store where you purchase your grill, where you pay the clerk an
extra $30 to have the grill assembled by a dyslexic high school dropout. It
will be completed at home, where you add the parts that weren't included
with your unit.
Parts not included with your unit fall into two categories. One is
parts which were not packed with your unit at the factory. The main members
of this category are the two eight-ounce vegetable cans that go into little
clips under the grill to catch drippings. The other category is parts the
dyslexic high school dropout stole. This includes almost everything else.
A quick trip to the store for replacement of those parts, and you're ready
for your first outdoor gas cooking experience.
So now you are ready to cook, except you never did install those
eight ounce vegetable cans, because you don't have any. In fact, for as
long as you live, you will NEVER have any eight ounce vegetable cans,
because vegetables come in 15-ounce cans, for crying out loud! If
vegetables came in eight ounce cans, don't you think the company who made
the grill would have included a couple? Of course they would! Therefore,
later in this article, we'll show you exactly how to make your own eight-
ounce vegetable cans. For now, don't worry about it.
The first couple times you use the grill no grease should drip out
the bottom anyway, because it's getting absorbed by the lava rock at the
bottom of your grill, building that accumulation of rotten grease and other
putrid food substances so important in giving outdoor grilled food that
special flavor.
That process is known as "seasoning", because if we referred to it
as "rotting," people whould tend to have a lower opinion of the overall gas
grilling picture. So forget the cans for now, and let's get right to the
heart of the matter:
Turn on the grill, light it, then go find a dead animal to put on
it. This could be an essentially whole dead animal, or various chopped parts
of one, but make sure there aren't any fur or feathers or scales or anything
like that.
Now just flop this dead animal right up there on the grill and
commence to flopping it over from time to time. Keep this up until either
1) the dead animal or portion thereof is all the way cooked, or 2) the kids
have started screaming and your spouse has given up and given then peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches and it doesn't look like that dead animal is
ever going to get done anyway until you take it in and put it in the
microwave.
Now you have learned one of the fundamentals of the gas grill: 99%
of the heat it generates goes into its own metal parts, lava rock, and the
general air around it, while only 1% of the heat goes into the food you're
cooking.
Now that you understand the basics of cooking on the gas grill we
will get to the business of those eight-ounce vegetable cans:
HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN EIGHT-OUNCE VEGETABLE CANS
First, you must assemble together the following tools and materials:
2 square feet .090 or .125 guage soft sheet aluminum
self-lubricating, automatic advance band saw
metal lathe
metal forming brake
300-amp heliarc welder
There are probably a couple other things you'll need that I've
missed, so please read this entire article before starting, and I'll mention
those items as we encounter them.
To start, you must cut the can parts from the sheet aluminum. These
consist of a can bottom and a can side for each can. Use the band saw to
cut can sides, and an octagon shape which will become the can bottom. Now
turn the bottom on the lathe until it is round. Note that you don't need to
make can tops, because, while the gas grill manufacturer did not mention
this specifically in the instructions, what you need are OPENED vegetable
cans.
Now that you have cut the basic parts, form the sides into cylinder
shapes on the metal forming brake. Note that the cylinder springs apart
slightly when you release it from the brake. This is ok, we'll show you how
to deal with this problem in the next step.
The next step, of course, is welding your cans together. You will
use the 300-amp heliarc welder for this, and you will need a helper. Find a
friend who is as enthused as you are about do-it-yourself projects, or just
about any offspring old enough to comprehend voice instructions. Now, have
your helper hold the can side closed while you weld the seam...
Asbestos gloves! That was one of the other things you need that I
forgot to mention in the list at the beginning. If you've been reading as
you go rather than reading the whole article first, you have a problem with
your helper right now. Now you'll need to get some asbestos gloves, and
another helper, preferably one who wasn't watching while your first helper
got third degree burns. Or better yet, you could just put the can side in a
vice while you weld it. Don't you wish I had thought of that idea earlier?
I sure do.
With the side seam welded, all that remains is to attach the bottom.
First, turn the side in the vice so one end is up. By the way, put on the
asbestos gloves before doing this. I should have told you to do that first.
I bet you wish I had. With your remaining good hand weld the bottom to the
can. I know it really takes two hands, because there are two rods to hold,
but you can manage. It's sort of like holding chopsticks. Of course,
repeat these two welding steps for the second can, then install them into
your gas grill.
Then find another dead animal
============================================================================
Now I have taken your letter, and I'll show you point by god damn
point in the treaty where you are misinforming the people
- John Wayne, in a 11 November 1977 letter to Ronald Reagan, a copy
of which was sent to President Carter, where he accused Reagan of spreading
untruths about the Panama Canal Treaty in letters to supporters -
-----
The news... such an integral part of our life, and yet we tend to
ignore it so blindly... If it weren't for news, we wouldn't be able to
bring you such well-written items as these you have before you...
Behold...
-----
Senator Edmund S Muskie (D-Maine) had hoped to got out for dinner.
He never made it. Muskie's driver was a Washington staff member who
apparently was not used to driving in New York City. On his first right
turn the car ran directly into a demonstration, and the next street was
blocked by a United States Postal Service truck. The driver tried again,
and made his biggest mistake.
"Not here!" another staff member yelled. "This is the Lincoln
Tunnel. We'll end up in New Jersey."
"New Jersey?" Muskie rumbled. "What's in New Jersey?"
The driver turned back to the Gotham Hotel, and Muskie sent out for
Chinese food
- 1976 New York City UPI -
-----
Strange automobiles are a common sight in John Pierson's driveway.
A constant stream of motorists sputter into his farm asking for oil, gas,
jacks or the telephone. It's been going on for eight years, ever since the
state built a freeway off-ramp that ends at Pierson's driveway.
He tried discouraging people by posting a sign reading: "NO AUTO
SERVICE. NO PHONE. NO TOOLS. GO 2 MILES." But the ploy didn't work.
"One fellow came in here and said he needed some oil," Pierson, 73,
recalls. "After I put four quarts in his car, he told me he'd been up to
Reno gambling and he was broke. He said he'd send me the money, but that's
the last I ever heard of him."
The most memorable day at the Pierson spread, however, was when a
cosmetics salesman with a car full of aerosol cans drove up. The car was on
fire and the cans began exploding. "Some of them went clear over the house.
It made an awful mess. He said he'd be back to help me clean it up, but I
never saw him again"
- September 1976 Vacaville California UPI -
-----
Artist Horst Leissi says he wants to hang a huge cardboard and poly-
vinyl model of a house fly from the top of a city water tower as a monument.
"Any insect that has been swatted and stomped on for so long and is
still around deserves a monument," he says. "The way we are polluting the
world, the only species that is sure to survive is the insect."
The city council is scheduled to take up Leissi's proposal Tuesday.
Leissi says the 12-foot-high fly would hang from the tower for only a few
days, the dates depending on the weather. "I'd like to do it as soon as
possible, because we're going into the rainy season"
- 19 September 1976 Sacramento AP -
-----
Police have filed prowling charges against a 22-year-old man and a
32-year-old woman found in a nude embrace in a residential backyard at one
o'clock in the morning. The two had met at a local bar and apparently ended
up in a yard the man mistakenly thought belonged to a friend
- September 1977 Clearwater Florida -
-----
Toronto has had a team in the American League for less than two
years, but so far as Earl Weaver is concerned, he's already spent a lifetime
in the Canadian city.
The Baltimore manager has been the center of controversy in two wild
affairs involving the Orioles and the Blue Jays. Last September 15th, the
Orioles forfeited a game in Toronto because Weaver objected to the position
of a tarpaulin in the team's bullpen. The next time the Orioles visited
Toronto was Monday night and all Weaver could really object to was the
quality of Baltimore's pitching. The Orioles were shelled 24-10 by the Blue
Jays.
With Baltimore behind 19-6 in the fifth inning, Weaver decided to
give his beleaguered pitching corps some rest by inserting outfielder Larry
Harlow to pitch. Harlow, who pitched two games in the Florida League in
1971, got out the first two men he faced, then surrendered two walks, a wild
pitch, Rico Carty's two-run single, another walk and John Mayberry's three-
run homer, his second of the game, giving him seven RBI's for the night.
"It's tough pitching with seven years between starts," quipped
Harlow, who was told to warm up while Weaver determined if the move was
legal. "I was doing OK getting those first two guys out, but ran into
trouble when (Bob) Baylor walked. Then I had to go into a stretch. My
stretch killed me."
When the next batter walked, Weaver replaced Harlow with player-
coach Elrod Hendricks, normally a catcher. Hendricks, 37, just lobbed the
ball over the plate. He walked his first batter, then got rookie Brian
Milner to fly out and didn't allow a run before being replaced in the
eighth.
"My pitchers weren't doing the job so I had to go somewhere else,"
said Weaver, who probably would have preferred to be someplace else
- 1978 Toronto AP -
-----
Is there a civil servant in the house? Quick, we need a translation
of the notice below, which recently accompanied utility bills sent to users
in Tallahassee:
"A part of the recent electric rate increase represents an increase
in the fuel component in the base rate. Since only the actual fuel costs
are passed on to the customer, this part of the new base rate will not
increase your fuel charges. Instead, sometimes your electric bill will show
a negative fuel oil adjustment, while at other times it may show a positive
fuel adjustment. Your electric bill should include a negative fuel
adjustment except when the City is forced to burn low sulfur fuel in its new
plant, the City loses its present gas supply because of regulation or there
are substantial increases in the present cost of oil"
- September-October 1978 Mother Jones Frontlines -
-----
Kudoes go to the Connecticut Department of Environmental Protection,
which recently issued tough noise-pollution regulations. There are,
however, a few exceptions to the crackdown: the offending noise cannot be
produced by dogs, any motor vehicles, snow blowers, lawn mowers, daytime
blasting, farming equipment, airports, auto races, construction activities,
unamplified human voices, aircraft-propulsion testing or transmission
facilities, to name a few
- September-October 1978 Mother Jones Frontlines -
-----
Ronald Reagan -- who believes in appointing many of his old
Hollywood pals to government positions and commissions -- will probably
never appoint James Garner, star of 'The Rockford Files' and the 'Maverick'
TV series to anything. Not if Reagan or First Lady Nancy should happen to
read the following quotation from the actor on page 374 of 'James Garner', a
biography by Raymond Strait:
"Oh, Ronnie, Ronnie, isn't he wonderful? Listen, I was vice
president of the Screen Actors Guild when he was president, and we used to
tell him what to say. He can talk around a subject better than anyone in
the world. He's never had an original thought that I know of, and we go
back a hell of a lot of years. Do you realize >I< could have been your
president?"
- James Garner 29 Sept 1985 Seattle Times -
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And, last but not least, a few words of wisdom. It's true that
mankind does not live by bread alone, and we've pretty much proved that
axiom with these unusual masterpieces. To quote someone much smarter than
myself (hi, kalen!): "I am non-denominational --- I accept all forms of
currency. So, open your hearts and empty your pockets!"
A wonderful sentiment, don't you think?
If you should find it in your hearts to like what we are doing here,
and would like to help us stay in business AND solvent, please send your
non-tax-deductible donations in whatever amount pleases you to:
caren park
2557 Fourteenth Avenue West
Suite 501
Seattle, Washington 98119
(01 January 1992)
We will acknowledge, in print, those with the warmest thoughts for
our survival...
We leave you now with a few thoughts...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
q: What do Republicans call a black college student with a C-
average who gets into law school?
a: An affirmative action incompetent taking advantage of reverse
discrimination
q: What do Republicans call a WHITE college student with a C-
average who gets into law school?
a: Vice-presidential material
- Roger Tang, 12 September 1988 -
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Nervous, tense, Outwardly calm,
Like A cat walking on, But through
A barbed wire fence Eyes of psychically
Black, with white stripes, Clear
She paces about Glass
In the dark of the night. You could see the
Inner tremble
In the eye of the maelstrom, of nervousness
She prepared Growing inside
for the coming test Him like a
Ahead of her. Monster eating
Him from
Worried now, The
Panic overtook her Inside outward.
As she walked about
with an air Devouring
Of both fear and His calm persona
Anxiety With the talons
About her. Of despair,
Worry,
And anxiety... Anxiousness
- Mike Santora, 12 December 1985 -
...until next month...