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$ .d""b. .d""b. HOE E'ZINE #1028
[-- $""b. $ $ $ $ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
$ $ $ $ $ss$ "Lucid Dreaming is Hard"
$ $ $ $ $ by, Mr A Jim
$ $ $ $ $ $ 02/27/00
[-- $ $ $ $ $ $ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
$ $ "TssT" "TssT"
MONDAY, APRIL 19: Performance; Blacks and Whites Hate Jews
- A semi-circle of KKK guys in white hoods. Several are tall
black men with glasses, possibly a famous movie star or Louis
Farakhan. We're on the Brookline High School auditorium stage.
The floor is dusty and it's hard to tell at that point if
there's an audience. The curtains are a greenish-blue, rather
than the real red. I'm up stage right, on the floor. It's
proposed by a "friend" that i do a speech on [unclear here, then
it becomes clear eventually that it's] MOTIVATION. I turn them
down. It was really some good old friends that suggested this,
and I would've done it if I had known, but it only becomes clear
later.
- Something about a fish/pet
- Trying to control a person in a dream, "me"? There's a small
black figure at the bottom of the "screen", is it me or am I 3rd
person? Can I actually control this person? Is it a real
person, or some sort of tool bar (e.g. adventure games)?
- Why is it always Rich's room, always?
- I'm on the floor, I can't get up for more than a few seconds
{dream sign}. Is this a manifestation of my physical sensation
of being in bed, or does it mean I have trouble holding up
myself in the metaphorical sense?
TUESDAY, APRIL 20, 6:00am: A Party
- Like something I've seen on one of the many TV shows I've been
watching this week, a sitcom, even the same colors and shapes.
[The PJs, apparently.] The only thing is that this time, my
memories are OF it, not IN it, which makes it all the stranger.
- ?
- Something about Akshay (not the same one from school who wears a
lot of Polartec). He's writing ANOTHER article? Oh, wait, it's
not that exact name, it's just some other guy who is kinda like
him, somehow. Oh, and also, it's a non-school newspaper.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21, 10:00am: A Man With a Brown Ponytail
- I don't know anything more here.
- It's Aphex Twin's 15th album!!! When will it stop?
- "Pam"
- A CD that's all static/noise
- Cellulite [on Pam?]
- A diner (possibly one I went to in NH a few weeks ago, or rather
the one that I didn't go to because of those menacing-looking
women)
- Dreaming I'm writing this about dreaming
THURSDAY, APRIL 22: But I Still Never Make It Home
- Henry runs the Cadence now (instead of the Sagamore), but now
it's an e-zine. He asks me to read over a new issue (and then
it becomes a new proposal, can't tell whether I completely
perceive him as editor or chair). It's an article now. "How To
Write for Us." I dismiss it, saying "Yeah, every 'zine needs an
issue like that" (telling people how to write a good
file/article).
- I walk across cypress field and meet Tom (D.); we're going to my
house to practice (this is during the time I was playing drums
for these two kids' crust punk band), but Jesse (the Korean
skinhead guitarist) is missing. Tom gets caught up at the T
stop (why does he always take the T, when you can walk there so
easily? I guess his house is a bit farther away than mine). I
decide to keep walking without him. I toss something on the
ground, on the grass, near the hill opposite the school, and
hope no one notices. I think a cop has noticed, but it's just a
dog that's now half-chasing me. The hill at the end of the
field has crept up on me and is now very steep. I walk to it,
and it's flat again, and there's a picket fence with a gate at
the end. There's a door as well. It doesn't go to Cypress
Street, but to another scene. I take the door.
- I'm in some urban intersection, nowhere real, but I've been here
before (Downtown Crossing-esque, but shady). I find the bus
stop, but then realize that the T is closer and a B (Boston
College line, my train) is arriving. I dash across the tracks
to reach it, but I am distracted by [unclear here]. I look down
and I am hit by the train "just a little". I'm on the ground
{dream sign} slowly rolling over the tracks (about 4 inches off
the ground) and I just make it off the tracks before another
train comes. It turns out that I didn't need to run to the
train in the first place; the outbound train was on the track
closest to me all along. I get on the train (now close to me
again) and sit on one of the sideways-facing seats, but this one
is between two other seats, instead against a divider. I feel
claustrophobic. A guy in a yarmulke nods at me to say hello.
There is a quick scene change.
- I'm still on the train, but it must have gotten to the end of
the line and the lights are out. I'm alone (this is very
reminiscent of Police Quest 4 when you wake up in the murderer's
apartment). I get up and realize that I somehow have left my
drum hardware and snare drum (in its soft beato case) behind,
since the last time I was on the T a few days ago (not
actually), I had it. I feel that I'm going to be found out for
being on the train by myself after the passengers are supposed
to have gotten off. I make an excuse in my mind, and decide to
construct some kind of alibi using some kind of newspaper or
sign that's sitting next to me. The scene shifts slightly.
There's now a big-screen TV at the end of the car, where the
driver sits, and there's some porn on it. I'm naked now, and I
have a larger-than-usual erection. I can just see the couple's
faces on the screen, vaguely. Their faces are normal, but then
I realize that the faces are powdered. The "woman" has a wig
and fake breasts; it's a man. "I'm sorry you're not _really_ a
woman," the "man" says. I look down at my large erection; it's
clear now that my genitals are not really mine, but someone
else's. I touch myself briefly to examine what's going on, and
then I stop. The scene shifts back again, slightly. I'm
clothed again and the screen is gone. I check my alibi card
again, then I look out the window. It's Brighton, at the
intersection with the fire station. It's cold, gray, and rainy
out. I'm looking at the block of restaurants on the corner
(which is nowhere near a fire station). The scene shifts.
- I'm in some master crime boss's offices. I still need to get
home. I pass a few checkpoints, then get to a waiting area
(sort of like Die Hard for Play Station where you have to go
through each floor, sweeping out bad guys). A few men leave the
boss's office, and I get up to go in, but one other man remains
in the office. The boss gives me a signal with his hand (not
one that says "have him killed", but rather) that means "hold on
a second". I go to sit back down, but there's no proper place
to sit now. I go to a table with a cardboard box marked
ALTERNATE CLOTHES. I take off my [unclear here] and place it in
the box. I hang up my blue shirt on the coat tree, but I'm still
wearing it. I'm carrying my drum hardware now. I put it down.
The scene shifts.
- I'm outside the house late at night, barefoot (I don't look
down, but I can feel the tight grain of the pavement). The
yellow street lights are especially bright. I notice some of my
homemade Indian food lying in the gutter. I realize that a few
hours ago I had to have people help me dump some out because the
pot was too full. I hope the food will decompose soon enough.
- I only have 2 $1 bills in my wallet.
FRIDAY, APRIL 23: Chronic Dysfunction
- I'm slurring my speech really badly as I talk and people are
making fun of me
- The toilet overflows (there's nothing in it but water). I turn
off the water supply and leave.
- Bleach supposedly will clean [unclear here] but it doesn't work;
I keep dipping the object I'm trying to clean into many small
glasses of bleach.
SATURDAY, MAY 8: 7-Eleven
- I'm in the convenience store where I went late last night,
before going to bed. Evil (super-?) villains have held the
store hostage. They don't have any guns. Many outrageous
kung-fu battles ensue between the enforcers, but no one gets
hurt, and no one loses the battles. The enforcers are somewhat
simian. No escape. Plotting. Waiting. Hiding behind rows of
products on shelves/bookshelves (I'm sort of in the library
now). The lights are dim and filtered. One of the villains
throws shriukens and I catch them in mid- air. I eventually
notice that they're dull and don't hurt. Alex is catching them
too now. I'm fighting a large, simian man now, but there's
still no damage being done. I'm woken up.
[date unknown]: *STAR*
- I get hungry. Somewhere, I see an ad/display for two brands of
products in big cans (Contadina?) so I go to Star. They now
have a big music selection [this may have been before they
actually started selling music, or perhaps just a comparison to
their current stock], sandwiched between the self-serve Jelly
Belly bins and the self-serve bakery area. I'm there with my
father. Everything's much bigger, especially the faux-wood
floor of the health food area. The cheese area is now some
prepared food nook, with gray speckled counters (the same gray
speckle as my drums). A black man whom I seem to know is
carrying two copies each of several records (to DJ?) and I
quickly point this out to my father (maybe to convince him to
buy me turntables). The man and my father begin to talk. My
father shows the man what records he picked out. Some of his
selections are ones we already have at home, but our copies got
too scratched up to use anymore (clarinet-something). I'm back
in the health food area and I see Alex and say hello. At point,
I see a second Alex; the original is still dressed in all black,
as he frequently is, but now he has a trench coat. The second
one has shorter hair, faded jeans, and a green jacket. Some
sort of explanation for this phenomenon is made and the scene
shifts.
- I'm still in Star, now playing with one of the Alexes and
running around. There is a bin of crushed ice (like for fish)
with nothing in it in the middle of the health food area. We
run and jump in it, sliding across it. We get caught by a
manager. There is a showdown with the Star staff (evil) in the
dairy area. The manager has his second-in-command (an elderly
woman in a Star cashier outfit) jump on me. She smacks me a few
times. The woman is almost bald, evenly over her head. I rub
her head to piss her off and she jumps back, now wielding a
knife (a Henckels Twinstar Plus paring knife, just like I have
at home) and I have to push her nose up into her brain to defeat
her. The scene shifts.
- I'm at my desk in my room, wanting to go to bed, but I realize
that my bed was right next to that tub of ice at Star and I
can't go back now, after the battle. I realize that the
second-best place to sleep is on the grass in the field behind
Devotion (my elementary school). The scene shifts.
- I'm in my sleeping bag now, on the field. Someone approaches.
He has a lacrosse stick and BHS lacrosse uniform. (Josh
Motenko?) More and more people pass by like this. I realize
practice must've just gotten out. It's a dark summer night. A
gaggle of girls passes by, all in their lacrosse uniforms,
including a girl who lives across the street from the field. I
look up and another crowd of lacrosse players comes by. Pete (a
hardcore vegan and staunch critic of school sports) is one of
them. They go into a huddle, putting their hands in, and then
pulling them out with a shout of "Go Brookline!" I realize that
I have a bed at home, too, and then happily go to sleep.
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[ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu HOE #1028, BY MR A JIM - 02/27/00 ]