💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0931.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:46:31.

View Raw

More Information

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                ,...
                $$
                $$T""P$$ba,  ,gd&P""T&bg.   ,gd&P""T&bg.              
 ggggggggggg    $$    $$$b d$$    $$b d$$   $$$b   ggggggggggg
 """""""""""    $$    $$$ $$$    $$$ $$$bxxP&$&P   """""""""""
                $$    $$$ T$$    $$P T$$                      
 $$"""""" "    """"    $$$  "T&$bxxd{body}amp;P"   "T&$bxx$$


   " """"""$$
 """                    """"""                                         """
 ggg     "If I Could Have Lunch With Any Famous Person In History"     ggg
 $$                        by -> Ashtray Heart                        $$
 $$                                                                   $$
 $$        [ HOE E-Zine #931 -- 12/05/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ]     .,$$
 `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

	If I could have lunch with any famous person in history, living or
 dead, it would be Jesus Christ.  There are so many things I would like to
 say to him and ask him about.  I would drive him out to the Blue Boar in
 my car, the Crankmobile, and I would ask him, "So, Jesus, are you into
 Can?"  Because I bet Jesus really would get into krautrock.  Like, I'm
 pretty sure Jesus is a big Brian Eno fan, so I'd ask him if he'd heard
 that song on Robert Wyatt's latest album, Shleep, that Eno plays on,
 "Heaps of Sheeps".  "It's pretty cool," I'd say.  And then we'd get into
 talking about Fripp and Eno, and I'd ask if he'd ever read that diary Eno
 kept for Melody Maker back in '78.  He wrote Robert Fripp a letter
 suggesting that they collaborate again, and Robert Fripp wrote back and
 he said "Only if you buy me a dildo.  Here are the exact specifications
 the dildo has to meet."  And then he signed it "Mr. Meany Mouth".  And
 then we'd both crack up, probably, because the thought of Robert Fripp
 demanding that Brian Eno buy him a dildo is just so darned cool.  Then
 he'd probably turn me on to some cool obscure stuff I hadn't heard of
 before, and I'd say, "Dude, I wish I'd brought a CD player so we could
 listen to this shit!"  I would actually say "dude", I would call Jesus
 "dude", because when I get all hyped up and geeked out about really cool
 music, I say stuff like "dude", and "Dude, that is so awesome!"  Then I'd
 say that we'd HAVE to go out to Ear X-tacy later, because it's the
 COOLEST music store.

	So we'd go there and Jesus would probably buy the Captain
 Beefheart box set, and we'd talk about how cool Nick Drake is and how
 he's still cool even though like everybody is finally starting to figure
 out how damn cool he is and he's getting extremely trendy, which is funny
 for him having been dead 25 years.  Which would cause Jesus to make a
 little wry comment to the effect of "You think he had it bad?  I had to
 be dead 300 years before I got cool!"  And then I'd remember that I was
 like talking to JESUS.  And I'd laugh and say maybe "Fuckin' A", but
 probably not because I try not to curse in public.  I don't want to
 offend anybody.

	Eventually Jesus would have to go and I'd say "Well, man, it was
 really great meeting you; I hope you enjoyed the lunch.  Let me know what
 you think of the box set."  And he'd say "Yeah, it was good meeting you, 
 too, talk to you later."  And I'd think to myself, "If I ever get
 married, I'm going to have to invite him to my wedding, probably."

[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!      HOE #901, BY ASHTRAY HEART - 12/05/99 ]