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(*) (*) * (*)~*~(*) HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #898
* 0 0 ~ 0 *
~ 0 0 ~* *~ 0 hOGS ~ "Pumpcon Awards"
( 0*~*~*0 ( ) 0*~*~ oF )
~ 0 0 ~ ~ 0 eNTROPY ~ by Slawz
* 0 0 * * 0 * 11-7-99
(*) (*) ~ (*)~*~(*)
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Well kids, another Pumpcon has come and gone. I am introducing a new
tradition this year, since this is the first year I was somewhat involved
with running it, Pumpcon Awards!@#.
It was as a whole a pretty successful con I guess, if you could call
it that. It'd be better off labelled as a binge drinking and drugging
festival. This year there was a fistfight (if you can call it that, it
looked more like rockem sockem robots.) and a new bartab record, somewhere
along the lines of $9000 for the 48 hours we occupied the bar.
These awards are judged solely by me, and other ghetto.org members.
--slawz
P.S. See the bottom for the Pumpcon Sexchart
[-----]
Top Ten Coolest People
1. case (World record holder for number of times "BITCH MAINTAIN" screamed.)
2. andrea (Great personality)
3. swern ("Take a shower with me!")
4. ophie (JD Chugging Champ)
5. juliet (Vodka Chugging Champ)
6. U4EA
7. sw_r
8. angus
9. Devi0us (absent most of the con, even though he organized it. wtf?)
10. Nirva (Most piercings)
Honorable Mention: miff, xyg, and alpaca. Funny motherfuckers.
Also Joe630.
Top Ten Fags
1. ajax (He got owned and can't take it, "LOOK I HAVE A LEXUS, LOOK AT MY
KEYS")
1. Netkita (NO ONE LIKES YOU, SCRANTON TRASH. GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULL)
2. tersian (mind your own business)
3. l4rry (Way too sweaty)
4. Miff (starting unnecessary fights, totally ruled otherwise)
4. Alpaca (see above. also spitting)
5. Joe630 (only because he's gay)
6. Mindscrew (owes me 50 bucks bitch)
7. sdr (Walking talking chicken mcnugget)
8. z0rch (40 year old gimp who almost got us kicked out of our room for
taking the screens off the windows)
Honorable Mention: Mogel (Pajama Wearing Mute)
Biggest Poop Award: sw_r (4 bottles of beer in mb, 4 bottles of beer!)
Most Vomit Award: Gaunt (BLERGH)
Worst Couple (or coupling u could say): sw_r + kt
Honorable Mention: atreyu + netkita
Drunkest Person: kubiak
Biggest Hangover: sw_r
Best Boy Band: 31337 Degrees (JOEY Z)
Best Coked Up Speech: Angus
Best Assault on a Police Officer: U4EA
Best WWF Move: tersian
Worst Fighting Ability: ajax
Funniest Ajax Fighting Impersonation: Swern + Alpaca (ROCKEM SOCKEM ROBOTS)
Most Mulch Eaten: dk
Gayest Car: ajax
Coolest Car: slawz
Coolest Newcomers: eubern1g, ju1ce
Most Annoying: sdr
Best Ass: ophie
Best Eyes: L0ra
Best Face: andrea
Best Breasts: Joe630
Best Beard: kt
Most Charming: L0ra
Best Hair Color: shinex
Best Personality: andrea
Best Conversationalist: andrea
Best Dressed: ophie
Most Diseases Spread: L0ra
Best Trinket to Pick up Dates: L0ra + her candy necklace
Best Sex Chart Tally: L0ra
Biggest Nerd: Vaxbuster (like 8 years running)
Biggest Toadie: sdr ("What kind of sub do you want U4EA?")
Scariest Dude: Ludi (Like 8 years running)
Biggest Flirt: L0ra
Biggest Mack: Frank
Worst Pickup Line: Joe630 ("Have you ever considered modelling?")
Worst Sales Pitch: Joe630 ("BUY MY MAGAZINES OR EMMANUEL WILL RAPE ME")
Worst Driving: Joe630
Most Obviously Drunk Minor: bellum
Best Fire Alarm Pull: krypt
Gayest Rave: iXOM
Best Line at the Bar: sw_r (I want a shot of your cum)
Best Portrayal of a Mute: angieb
Loudest Person: case (BITCH MAINTAIN)
Funniest Use of Urine: case (want some lemonade??)
Gayest License Plates: Joe630
Gayest Outfit: Mogel
Best No-Show: nac.net faggots
Nice Guy: davd
Bald Faggot: ajax
Official Bar of Pumpcon: B&W Sports Bar, Center City Best Western,
Philadelphia, PA
Official Drink of Pumpcon: Rusty Nails
Official Bottled Beer of Pumpcon: Yeungling Lager
Official Canned Beer of Pumpcon: Guiness
Official Shot of Pumpcon: jaegermeister
Official Cheese Steak of Pumpcon: Jim's Steaks (WIZ WITH!)
Pumpcon Sex Chart
,-------------------,
| |
l0ra--simpleton |
| | |
| | |
Swern-------u4ea----Joe630
/ |
| |
| loki
| |
| |
\ ophie----juliet
\
mb----kt----eubern1g
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( *(c) hOGS oF eNTROPY pRESS* HOE #898 ~ WRITTEN BY: SLAWZ ~ 11/7/99 )