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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #830
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Switching Gears"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Oregano
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/20/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I just wanted to let her know. I wanted her to know and I used too
many words and I talked too fast and my thinking is coming too fast, the
words are there too much and it is like I am not telling her what I think
but part of what I feel but even that is all hidden and I can only talk
about music and not what has opened up inside me.
I was sad. That was not long ago. Maybe a week ago I was sad and
now there are too many words and thoughts but it is good, I am thinking a
lot, lots of thoughts all the time, thoughts and feelings are there. I see
how I was not feeling before and now it is all feeling and I like her music.
I did not, I mean I must not have tried before, or maybe I was closed up
like a bathtub stopper. But now the stopper came out of the tub but the tub
flowed from reverse, the water came out of the drain and filled up and now I
am full and, wait, too much, I need to tell Kyra how I feel.
Kyra told me I was too sad and I was and I may still be but I am
really happy and have so much energy but I am also sad and it is not like
Kyra likes me but she'll talk to me and I like to talk to Kyra.
(and I like to stand in air, far from the ground)
But Kyra likes psychedelic music and I guess I do too. Now I do, I
like it a lot, I listen to it a lot. Last week I didn't like it, now I
listened and I love it, I think I really love it and the music is fun, maybe
I was missing the fun before and maybe I am more fun now and I like it when
they sing my name at school.
"Where oh where can my Tommy be?" I get the joke now and it is funny
and I laugh with them and not get upset at them laughing at me and I like
Kyra. She is not laughing at me, she laughs with me.
(the tree is strong, I like trees too, I like them a lot, forever I
will like trees.)
I talked to Kyra and I said, "Mercury Rev. You were right, I didn't
know it before but you were right and it is good music and I didn't know
before. I didn't know. I didn't know."
Kyra smiled.
I love when she smiles and she said she was glad that I liked it and
said I should listen to Captain Beefhart and I'll like that too.
(I like swinging.)
When I was a kid I would go on the swing sets and swing and I loved
it, you are off the ground and wild and in space and out of the world and
still in control. I need to be in control, but it is too much and I am in
control but I am letting myself live now, finally, and I like psychedelic
music and I like Kyra.
Things are moving fast, moving too fast and I cannot slow down my
mind. My mom was talking to my father and though I did not hear clearly I
know they are up to something. They talked in that way that I know they are
planning something and maybe it is about Kyra and maybe it is worse. I wish
I knew, I really wish, wish, wish, wish. There is too much going on, I
don't know what to do. If I told it all to Kyra, if I said every last
word -- look at all these words, too many words, too much I don't
understand -- (why are my parents plotting against me) if I said every
word to Kyra, she could help. Every word. I need to say them all, start
talking now and stop when I am done and then Kyra... Kyra, will she talk to
me? Maybe she hates me now. I can't stop thinking, I cannot stop anything,
why did I start this? I was happier when I was sad. No, I am happy now, I
am happy, I need to listen to music.
(I like the feel of rope on my neck.)
One last little bit, one final word and I'll be silent forever. I
know that my parents are planning something really bad and I cannot stop it
except this way. One final way to make them shut up. Everybody will now
shut up, or at least I won't hear them. I hope Kyra won't be mad.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #830 - WRITTEN BY: OREGANO - 9/20/99 ]