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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #677
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Drink the Pepsi, Luke"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Jammer 427
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/9/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Okay, so I find myself just sitting around doing nothing more than
watching TV and screwing around online. I turn and notice the can of Diet
Pepsi sitting next to me and take a drink. While I put down the can I see
a logo on the side of the can:
"For Best Taste Drink by Date on Bottom of Can"
I lift the can and the bottom reports that I should be drinking this
can before "Aug 16 99". Lucky me. Shit tastes like it went bad on "Aug 16
79".
The question of "How do you know when Diet Pepsi has gone bad?"
drifts through my head. Mind you that I am only drinking this six-pack of
turd water because I'm a slave to collecting all of the Star Wars Pepsi cans
this summer. So there are more cans of this phenylketonuricly-enhanced zoo
cage run-off in my future.
I can't wait until I have to endure Pepsi One just so I can see if I
think that Cuba Gooding Jr. and those other idiots on TV are insane enough
to drink anything that they are paid to.
Sadly, I'm the loser here. Not those who are profiting on my
unfortunate choice to buy Pepsi products for pop cans and eating at Tricon
restaurants just to get a lame cup topper that I can stick in the window of
my car. Yes, Darth Maul is happily waving to all of those who are blessed
to drive behind me. That is the way of things. The way of the force behind
marketing.
Granted all of this is just for the summer. Pepsi and Taco Bell will
be seeing less of me this fall and Hasbro will once again start getting all
of my attention when more "classic" action figures come out. You can
*never* own too many Greedos or Darth Vaders. Never.
Don't let me seem like I'm an unwilling participant, I am willing.
I'm just your basic Lucasfilm whore. Is it just reliving my childhood? It
isn't like I'm trying to replace those SW toys from years past. I still
have those to this day along with my Transformers and other stupid things.
It just seems to easy to gain access to Pepsi cans. I don't go a
week without drinking one. That's how I lose. It began to slowly work into
my head that I really could get all of the cans and it wouldn't be a big
deal. I didn't take into account that I would have to drink Diet Pepsi.
I've always hated it. Right back to that day as a kid when I discovered
that just because it says "pepsi" on the bottle, it doesn't mean it's going
to taste nice and sweet.
Oh, well. Time to finish off this can and get ready to buy some more of
this canned sewage later. Only 19 more cans to go.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #677 - WRITTEN BY: JAMMER 427 - 6/9/99 ]