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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #670
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "I Tricked Some Fat Kid Today"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by RottenZ
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/31/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Some of you may know this; I'm not sure how extensively the darker
rumors about me have spread. I'll let you in on the secret, though, since
this short tail depends on you knowing. I am a mage. That's right, a real,
living, breathing magic user. My specialty is polymorphing. If you've
never played Warcraft 2, I'll let you know what that is, as well. I can
change shapes to emulate different people or objects. Girls are my
specialty. I really enjoy pretending to be girls. That way, I can trick
poor losers into thinking I'm interested in them, all the while secretly
smiling on the inside, knowing that I myself am not a girl at all, but a
guy.
Anyway, today was great. I pretended to be this girl in jeans and
platform shoes. I walked around campus for awhile, looking for my target.
Trust me, this is U of I, there is no shortage of young nerds just ripe for
the taking. Today I found my mark with little to no trouble.
He was fat, that was the first thing I noticed. Fat, with poofy,
ridiculous hair that almost made me laugh out loud when I first saw it. He
was just sitting on a bench, resting his rolls of obese grandeur, futilely
scanning some dumb book in front of him. Around his massive gourd he'd
somehow managed to fit a pair of headphones, although God knows how he
managed that. He was gently rocking away to whatever rotten crap he was
listening to and reading. Maybe just enjoy the nice day. So I decided to
ruin it for him.
Carefully, I sat down next to him. I knew he saw me; I could feel
him undressing my soft, supple body with his whore eyes. I imagined that
he'd probably never seen an exposed bosom in his life, which made me even
more pleased. Yet he just sat there. Clearly, a girl walking up and
sitting next to a guy, when there are empty seats elsewhere, is a sign that
conversation might not be too bad an option, although I've found that stupid
nerds are too timid to say anything at all, even if they want to, which just
makes things even hotter. And of course, he just sat there, like some big
retard... heck, maybe he even WAS a retard, and didn't say a word, despite
the numerous glances.
Soon, I began to smoke. I could tell he didn't smoke because he
didn't look or smell the part, and, well, he just wasn't COOL enough, just
to see if he'd get me to stop. But he didn't. He simply allowed me to keep
on smoking. It was really quite amusing. I just sat there, staring off
into the distance, and this big dumb pretended to listen to his music and
read, all the while fucking me within his mind. I'm not one to get turned
on by such things, but if I were, I would have been very turned on, despite
the fact that this person was a hideous beast.
It was even funnier when his CD player died. Do you know what he
did when his CD player died? He PRETENDED to listen to music, just so he
didn't have to talk to me! I mean, what if I really weren't a guy? What if
he was missing out on talking to the perfect person for him? (Clearly this
couldn't be the case, for there is no "perfect" person for someone who looks
like THAT) It didn't matter, though. He just sat there, stupidly,
pretending to read.
Soon I got up and walked behind a van, disappearing. But I've often
thought back to that glorious day when I tricked a big, fat, ugly retard
into falling in love with me.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #670 - WRITTEN BY: ROTTENZ - 5/31/99 ]