💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0668.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:37:49.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #668
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "The Only Time I Got Action"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by XxX_Droo7
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/31/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
For the sake of this story, I shall refer to everyone involved with
pseudo names. Let it also be known that I've never had any physical
contact, other than hugs, with a girl before and after this happened.
It all started one June evening about two years ago. I had just
finished off a college course I had taken that day. I was pumped up and in
a good mood and my good friend Harvey dopped me a line and let me know he
was gonna have a little somethin' somethin' goin' on that night. You know,
a small party type deal.
So I roll up to Harvey's joint in my ghetto cruiser and step out
ready to get down that night. Of course I was the first to arrive. I
usually am. Next Rose, Eric, their friend Kristen and her sister Angelina.
I never met Kristen or Angelina until that night. I gave them the once over
and decided they were cute girls. Normally I would try to get some action
from any cute girl not attatched to anybody. But that night I decided to
keep it real. I was in way too good of a mood to be let down. It wasn't
like I expected good lookin' wimins to be there so I wore punk panties.
Normally I throw on a pair of boxers so if I ever did get freaky with a
girl, I wouldn't look gay in the process.
The story continues! Not long after, my two buddies Keith and Chuck
showed up in the Gold Volvo Wagon Pimp 2000. We all wound up on Harvey's
back patio drinkin'. Well, everyone was drinkin' except me. I abstain from
those activities. So we were all sitting in a circle playing some lame ass
game I could careless about. I was too busy with dirty thoughts in my
mind. Anyhow, I was sitting across from Angelina. It seemed to me that she
was being very flirtatious. I brushed that thought aside, though, because I
always think that and it always turns out to be not true. Maybe about a
half hour later, Harvey throws out his trademark line, "Hey, I got some
lingerie. You girls should model for us!". Perfect timing for Harvey
because everyone was nice and liquored up for the event and lacked the
better judgement to decline such an offer. So we all headed upstairs to the
secret lingerie cache.
At this point, I have Angelina on my hip. I'm just playing the role
because I didn't think anything serious was to come. We walked into the
lingerie room and she says "Pick something out for me." At this point, I'm
totally stumped. There was a suitcase full of sexy clothing, which I know
nothing about, on the floor and some chick that was being big time flirty
with me wanted to pick something out for her. So looked everything over
real quick and saw something blue. I reached down and grabed it. "Try this
one." She takes the garment and gets changed in the bathroom. Turns out it
was a long blue nightgown and it fit her perfectly. I thought "Niiiiiice!".
We all soon wound up in Harvey's bedroom chillin' on his bed.
Angelina was layin' on my lap lookin' up at me with that drunk look of "do
me here, do me now I do allow!" plastered on her face. I couldn't ignore
this. It was obvious she wanted to hook up with me. I couldn't kiss her
there in front of anyone. I had no experience and I would have had to put
up with everyone's reaction. I had to get her alone and away from everyone.
I don't remember how, but everyone began to migrate downstairs into the
kitchen. This was my chance, so I brought her into the living room. No one
was in there and the lights were out. I put her on the couch and dropped
Money Mark into the cd player. I sat beside and busted a move. It was on.
We were makin' out like there was no tomorrow.
We must have been about ten minutes into what we were doin' and I
could here everyone else in the kitchen wonderin' where I went. I heard
Keith peek around the corner and gasp. He ran back into the kitchen and
gave everyone the low down on what was goin' on. Everyone came in and
looked and started sayin' the most embarrassing things that could ever be
said. I wish they could have been cool about it and said the stuff in
another room out of earshot. I totally ignored their existance and went on
with what I was doin'.
Before I continue, I need to let you in on a conversation Keith and I
had a few months prior. He was giving me some tips and tricks on the topic
of muff diving. He said to me, "You need to find out if she's clean down
there first. To do this you need to get your finger inside of her and then
smell it, but you need to play it off." He suggested drawing my fingers
across my face in some sort of a yawn or reach. Ok, back to the story..
The one thing I remember most was the nasty taste of liquor in her
mouth. I started to gag on it. I tried to disguise it as much as possible,
but I was getting ready to throw up. I had to get out of there and take a
break. My friend Chuck sat down next to me and I started talkin' to him.
And man his breath reeked of alcohol! I was about to throw up all over the
place from talkin' to him so I got up and started to run outta the room.
Keith grabs me and wants to know where I was goin'. All I could utter were
the words "I'm gonna throw up." He's still holdin onto me and says, "She
stinks that bad?" I couldn't help but laff at this.
I went to Shoprite to buy some breath mints in the hopes I could get
Angelina to have one and to rid myself of that taste of alcohol. I offered
her the mints several times, but she wouldn't take one. So I had no choice
but to deal with it. So we continued on with our make out sesion.
Somehow we wound up on Harvey's bed. Hours and hours went by. To
tell you the truth, I was getting kind of bored. Chuck made his infamous
appearance when he burst into the room wearing lingerie and screaming that
he was all high on flour and pretzels that he snorted in the kitchen. I
never went much farther than kissing with Angelina. We dry fucked a little
bit. She started to moan a little bit from it so I figured she dug it and
kept up with that sort of thing. I was gonna try to get her off that way,
but I couldn't. It was very abusive on my wang and I eventually went limp.
At that point I said I was done. Which probably wasn't the best choice of
words at the time. But now that I think about it, she probably thought I
came in my pants. Oh well.
I never took any of my clothes off the entire time. Not even my
shoes. I recall her saying that she'd never done anything like this before.
I figure she meant she never hooked up with someone she didn't know. I
screamed with laughter in my head when she said it. Little did she know
what my situation in the whole deal was.
Well, that was the only time I ever got action. The closest I ever
came since then is the Sears circular that comes in the Sunday paper.
Sigh.. Woe is me! Woe is me! =)
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #668 - WRITTEN BY: XXX_DROO7 - 5/31/99 ]