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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #660
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "God Spake"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Kreid
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/22/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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"Hey, what's up, you've reached Billy's house, I'm not here so leave
a message and I'll get back to you later, man. See-ya."
"-beep-"
"Hey, what's up, Billy this is God. I've been worried about you
lately but I guess it's good that you're not home alone right now because
what I wanted to tell you was that your entire life is going to climax at
this moment, coming up... right now. I hope you're some place getting
drunk or laid, because it's all pretty much downhill from this point.
Well, that's about it. I'll get in touch with you again if something
important happens. Otherwise, see-ya later I guess."
"-beep-"
The room fell silent and it remained that way for a few minutes.
Silence was definitely the natural state of Billy's apartment. Comfortable
silence, mind you, not the other kind. It was the way Billy had gone
through pretty much all of his life so far.
"FLUSH."
Billy walked out of the bathroom with an enormous smile on his
face.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... yeah. There's really nothing quite like a
good shit, is there, old buddy?" Billy was speaking to the television. It
wasn't on. It rarely was.
Billy didn't feel like hanging out that night. Everything had gone
well enough for him. He could go to sleep and not feel guilty about it.
He talked to his apartment:
"God, what a GREAT shit."
Billy sat in his chair in front of the blank television screen.
Five minutes later, he was asleep.
Billy lived one of the happiest lives any man had ever lived. Then
he went to hell because he was a sinner and he never answered when God
called.
In hell, Billy lives pretty much the same life, except he has a
roommate. And if you're ever in Denville, New Jersey, put your ear to the
ground, because you'll hear it. Screams from below, wailing, "NOOOO!!!!!!"
There is a lesson to be learned through all of this...
For God's sake, never share with a room with a black man. Under any
circumstances. They shit ten times a day and their shit smells horrible
and they fuck loudly and shamelessly. Without sheets.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #660 - WRITTEN BY: KREID - 5/22/99 ]