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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #647
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "dream you."
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by The Jester
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/17/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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it is getting late, early, what is the difference? no change in
the end. futility, futility, futility.
the difference is you. you make my mental health matter, baby. it
isn't fun to be depressed when someone cares. tell me that you care. talk
to me. you make me alive, make me live. make me see the light, i'm still
blind.
prozac can only take me so far... here. i'm here, prozac was there.
i can't let you take over my life. i am determined to be strong, i will be
strong, i must be strong. determination. hahahaha.
nothing is possible when i think of you. i momentarily freeze. i'm
always frozen. when did we last speak? when did i last see you? october.
fuck you october. haha. i have no aggression. i am a pussy. haha.
let us see. october, november, december, january, february, march,
april. 7 months. 7 months since i last had contact with you. 1 month
before that, 2 years before that. rather ironic. i've thought about you
the whole time. i haven't called. i am a pussy. haha.
maybe i am just scarred. i think i love you but i fear the after
affects. i fear the repercussions. i think i want to love you but i don't
think i know (nor want to know) what love (and hate) are. do you know? i
bet you do. i bet you have loved a lot of people. i bet a lot of people
loved you. what is the difference? futility, futility, futility.
i could love you but i don't think it could be likewise, at least
at the same time. what do i know? i don't know you. i don't know me.
do you know me? no one knows me. i am a sheltered little hermit in the
cold. you don't know me. love doesn't know me.
beep. beep. beep. bee.....p.
5:50? it is already bright red 5:50? i just went to bed nine and
one half hours ago. i want to sleep forever. i don't want to face an
uncertain tomorrow. i don't want to face a tomorrow and not see you. you
do not want to face a today with me. you would have told me if you had
wanted a today with me. you are more straight forward than i am. you
aren't a pussy. i am a pussy.
i can't face any days to come with a smile. i can try.
futility, futility, futility.
why am i such a pussy? maybe you do want to talk to me? why can't
i write a letter? give a call? show up at your door? i loved you four
years ago, you loved me four years ago. did we know love four years ago?
do we know love now?
i will wait for love. i am a pussy.
will you?
futility, futility, futility.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #647 - WRITTEN BY: THE JESTER - 5/17/99 ]