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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #629
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "A Point of View"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Anilos
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/9/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I was in my creative writing class minding my own business when the
teacher had the AUDACITY to assign our class something, an assignment?! In
school?!? a class assignment no less?! This horrible travesty really cut
my psyche deep down but I readily obliged, I took an article and rewrote it
in my own twisted way. I decided I might as well type it out for you nice,
caring, sensitive people. The first half is the original article, the last
half is my interpretation and rewritten article...
HBO telecast of "Titanic" sets record (New York Daily News).
The biggest movie of all time is now also the most watched telecast
this season on HBO. Saturday night's telecast of "Titanic" averaged 8.6
million viewers, more than watched any other show on the pay-cabler this TV
year. HBO is wired into 28.7 million homes. Until Saturday, the Trinidad-
Whitaker championship fight was HBO's most watched program of '98-'99,
averaging 7.1 million viewers.
HBO's most watched big screen movie this season was "US Marshals"
with 6.3 million viewers. The initial airing of the much heralded season
finale of "The Sopranos" drew 5.2 million setsiders.`Within HBO homes,
"Titanic" drew a whopping 32 percent of the 18-49 year old viewers. In the
national universe of 99.4 million TV homes, that translates to 13 percent
of the 18-49 crowd, tying NBC's "Pretender" as the most watched TV show of
the night in the advertiser desired viewing group.
Factored into last week's primtime rankings for the broadcast
networks (which reach more than 3 times as many homes as HBO), "Titanic"
would have finished No. 68.
Now, it's my turn...
HBO telecast of "Titanic" sets mass murder record.
The biggest, most redundant, expensive and annoyingly predictable
movie of all time is now the biggest, most redundant, expensive, annoyingly
predictable AND only telecast this season on HBO to incite mass murder /
suicide. Saturday night's telecast of "Titanic" averaged 7 million viewers,
that think that Jack/Rose is real. 1 million suicides, caused by horrible
acting and overwhelming despair, and .6 million acts of homicide, caused
just by knowing that the movie is still prominent in everyone's mind. More
than any other show on cable this TV year... aside from the Monica
Lewinsky / Barbara Walters interview (dear god I just wanted to jump out
of a building seeing that for only 10 seconds). HBO is plugged into the
back of 28.7 million american's heads.
Until Saturday the Trinidad-Whitaker championship farce was HBO's
biggest waste of time for '98-'99 averaging 7.1 million disappointed
viewers. HBO's most watched big screen, poorly written movie this season
was "US Marshals" with 6.3 million viewers, half of which desperately
waited in vain for Wesley Snipes to be killed, hopefully along with his
acting career. The initial airing of the much heralded season finale of
"The Sopranos" drew 5.3 million viewers, most of which were dillusional
teenagers thinking the TV-MA rating it has guarenteed lots of nudity, while
at the same time wondering "What he hell does the title have to do with the
show anyway?"
Within HBO homes "Titanic" drew a relatively lameass 32 percent of
the 18-49 year old viewers. In the national universe of statistical
nonsense it equates to some supposedly staggering figures, somehow. The
statistics did show however that it became tied with the equally ridiculous
show "Pretender" as the most watched show while wishing to be comatose, in
the advertiser-desired viewing group. The advertisers, of course being
medical companies and HMO's.
Factored into last week's primtime rankings for the broadcast
networks (AKA "Destroyers of intelligent though, breeders of
superficiality"). "Titanic" would have finished no. 68 which essentially
means this article was a waste of time because the damn movie didn't even
make the top 50.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #629 - WRITTEN BY: ANILOS - 5/9/99 ]