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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #623
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Apocalyptica Plays Metallica
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 By Four Cellos"
888 888 888 888 888 "
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Phairgirl [5/9/99]
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Wow.
There's nothing else to be said, really, except for wow.
My days online pass with constant downloading of mp3s from illegal
sites, burning them to CD, trading with other interested parties, and
wondering just how much trouble a person could really get into by doing
this sort of thing. It's a lame sort of thrill, not really a thrill at
all, just the illusion of something sneaky and anarchic. For some, that is
a good enough reason to play the mp3 game. Then, for people like me who
long to hear once more the strained beautiful melodies from bands like
Wumpscut and The Cycle Sluts From Hell, it becomes a little bit more than
that.
All tangents aside, there's nothing more fun than finding a new ftp
site and discovering sometimes hundreds of new sounds, new songs, new
perspectives, new anything. It was upon such an adventure one day that I
began massively leeching from some industrial-type music site when I found
a gem among all the monotonous muck.
There were two songs, "Nothing Else Matters" and "One," both by
Apocalyptica. Obviously, Metallica cover tunes. Okay, well, considering
there seemed to be a great number of Madonna cover tunes on industrial
sites, I figured, why not see what kind of spin they put on such an old
standard. It's not like I had any preconceived notions; anymore, I
download anything that sits on a server alongside something else I even
kind-of like.
A day later, or a couple of days later, whenever I actually got
around to listening to the previous night's conquested mp3s, I stumbled
upon the songs again in my playlist. At first, I was kind of confused by
the complete lack of an 808 or some German man growling rabidly.
I continued to listen, and what I heard was utterly the most amazing
music I had heard since I discovered Dream Theater back in 1992.
I looked again. Yes, this really was Metallica's songs; however,
they were being played completely by string instruments (which I would
later come to narrow down as being cellos). It was kind of an odd shock;
first was the shock that someone was playing "heavy metal" music on a
cello. The second shock was simply how beautiful it was. However, the
third shock was the best of all, where I truly discovered why it all
worked: the songs themselves were beautifully and brilliantly written.
I glanced again at the name.
Apocalyptica.
That night, I found myself at the wonderfully glorious Kennedy Mall
in all of its 30 stores of splendor. I wandered through Musicland, coming
up almost empty-handed trying to find something of value (although I did
manage to pick up an old Morcheeba disc I was looking for, John Petrucci
and Mike Portnoy's side project from Dream Theater, Liquid Tension
Experiment, and the single for that annoying song "(Not the) Greatest
Rapper" which I seem to find cute, but here I am on a tangent again. At
the counter, I asked the cute little girl with the nosering and eyebrow
ring if they could order Apocalyptica.
(Okay, tangent time: That dumb bitch. She SWORE they had it, and
spent 15 minutes of my fucking time looking through the same exact fucking
racks I just finished looking through and didn't find SHIT. I hate stupid
pseudo-cool piercings people who think they are so damn cool and know
everything there is to know about anything when they don't know shit,
especially, how incredibly retarded they look in bright orange tank tops.
But I digress.)
I wandered aimlessly through the mall, heading toward the other
bastian of evil, Sam Goody. Lo and behold, I walk to the letter "A" and
Apocalyptica is somehow out of order and sitting front and center...
smiling at me... drawing me closer... forcing me to ignore the $17.99
corporate music store ripoff price.
I snatched it up, along with its little friend--two happy discs of
Apocalyptica, all for me! All for my happy ears to listen! All for just
$35!
Once I was home later that night, I gave them first spin. I was
planning on only spending a half hour on the computer, as I had to work at
the crack of dawn. Interestingly, there was absolutely nothing of interest
or consequence happening on IRC. I couldn't find any new mp3s to download.
Nobody was online to speak of. Yet somehow, I forced myself to find
something to do for almost 2 hours as I finished listening to both of my
new discs.
The first, Inquisition Symphony, was actually the newer of the two
discs, and contained the two songs I had downloaded. To my extreme joy and
rapture, not only did they cover Metallica, but also Pantera, Sepultura,
and Faith No More. I listened in utter amazement to what they had done to
songs I had heard hundreds of times before while growing up watching
Headbanger's Ball. It was all beyond comprehension.
The second, Apocalyptica Plays Metallica By Four Cellos, was just
that: a disc of Metallica cover tunes, spanning most of Metallica's music
up to and including the black album. It included my favorite Metallica
song also, "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)". Nothing I have ever heard before
or since sounded so utterly amazing.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not one of those obsessive classical music
freaks. In fact, I took Music Appreciation in college and came out hating
everything but Mozart and Beethoven. However, I do hold a special place in
my heart for any one or any thing that will stand up for the music I grew
up with and loved, and Apocalyptica has done it with such amazing clarity
and symphonic beauty that it has become almost impossible to think of
listening to anything else.
Wow.
Kill your local piercings inflicted corporate music store clerk for
a copy today.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #623 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 5/9/99 ]