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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #594
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "The Night I Killed Eilien"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Oregano
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/24/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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On the night I killed Eilien the car would not start. No gas.
Eilien did not put gas in the car. Fine, I can accept that. I wasn't
angry. I'm never angry, the car wouldn't run and I couldn't go to 7-11
for a burrito, that is fine, we had macaroni and cheese in the fridge.
No need for anger, just reason. I needed only to heat it up and stir out
the clumps. Not all the clumps would have come out. I was not angry at
Eilien for two-day old macaroni and cheese. Though with a running car I
could have a simple burrito from 7-11. I am not mad; I was not mad then.
I found an empty gas can and I started to walk to the Texaco. It
is not that far and I really didn't mind. Eilien offered to go get the
gas herself. She sure did, she could go to the gas station and tell the
attendant she was getting gas for her boyfriend's car, walking alone a
night while he was home eating macaroni and cheese. Sure, I could have let
her do that and let her talk about the next day and all the next week. I
could let her embarass me in front of friends.
But she never told anyone the next day. I got the gas myself. And
she was dead.
I could not believe there could be so many stars. I looked up as I
walked to the Texaco, empty road and me and stars. Not a single car
passed. Three miles walking and not a single car.
There were too many stars, like you are given a certian number of
stars each day and if you don't look up they carry over to the next day and
there are that many more stars. They were all out that night.
I used a brick.
I joked with the Texaco guy. Women are so stupid, har har; look
what my girl did to me, har har. I laughed but I could hear Eilien
laughing. I could hear her tell her mother, "Guess what I did yesterday?
"Yes! He walked three miles there then three miles back. I can make
him do all sorts of things, I just have to dream them up, what do I want
him to do next?
"No, he wasn't even mad."
When I got home I wanted answers to questions I could not form. She
laughed and held my face, "What I put you through." Then she laughed some
more.
I got in the car to drive to the Texaco station to fill up the tank.
As I passed all the places where I just walked, I also passed the all
thoughts I had. The confusion and the defeat and the resignation. Except
now I was going so fast that I could not process them, they all came
together and at hit me at once.
Eilien was in another room when I got home, a room where I should
not have heard her, but I still knew she was laughing, I knew she was on
the phone with her friends.
I walked around and around and then I headed to that room. I had a
brick in my hand but I know I never picked one up.
She didn't scream, she laughed instead. She laughed more as the
brick struck home, hard against her head and her blood laughed as it
sprayed the wall, making patterns of merriment; and the deep-red puddle
laughed as it formed under her head and everything was laughing and then I
noticed that I was laughing too. I finally got the joke.
I found myself outside. I was sitting on the front stairs. There
was no brick. I don't remember any brick. All I know is that I wasn't
laughing. I looked up in the sky. Some sort of storm must have been
coming. I couldn't see any stars.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #594 - WRITTEN BY: OREGANO - 4/24/99 ]