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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #522
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "After 5 Beers At The
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Amiga Convention"
888 888 888 888 888 "
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Trilobyte [3/21/99]
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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you gots to beat the streat, not beat your meat, it's about the
folks you meet. i love to eat, it's time to run, people gots to have some
fun! my my my, time goes by, pee and purr and fly up high. yum yum yum,
hear that hum, rum and gum and my old mum. beat your meat. run down the
street. kick with your feet. devour someone's meat. hunt some sheep.
pounce on beef. hate stupid assholes. munch on rummage sales. turn back
the clock, there's not much time left. god says so. he told me the other
day, "there's not much time left," so you'd best believe it, bitches. i'm
not elite enough for you. that's a legitimate adjective when in select
crowds. if you say,
"i was elite once,"
in certain crowds, they will understand, and they will feel the same
way about theirselves. for instance, at a computer show, you could mention
how you used to be elite to someone else who used to be elite, and then
share your times of razor 1911 couriering and TDT couriering and whatnot,
and then they will share their times of running elite amiga warez and HPA
boards. sysoping is elite. especially when 90% of your userbase was
european. that's pretty damn elite.
but bbses don't really have quite the universal power that they used
to. though the amiga was really the ultimate machine to run a bbs on,
well, right around the time the BBS concept died, so fell the amiga.
totally unconnected, be sure. i mean, the bbs market doesn't drive a
computer. the sheer fact that commodore totally didn't know how to manage
and market the wonderful asset they held is the reason that the amiga is
not the #1 computer in existence today. no, really, take my word for it --
this is not speculation, or the spoken word of a freak, this is the
understood opinion of many of the most knowledgable people in the computer
market today. this is truly the truth. truly. truth. true.
god, i love you. you are so awesome! you are cooler than a summer
sand, neater than a woman's tan. i like to see that dark skin. but i
like light skin too! so long as it's not too flabby. sometimes i worry
that i am too flabby. i'm sure that in some parts, i am. and in other
parts i'm not. college has done a good deal to make me sufficiently
flabby. i don't like that. i wish that i wasn't. but it seems to be the
case. aww, too bad. silly me. what am i to do? work out every night?
please don't forget that i am seriously a serious college student! i
don't have time to do anything but homework, duh! people don't say "duh"
much anymore. quite a shame. there are young people, though. if those
young people controlled the world, everything would be ok. we would all
be alive. there wouldn't be lots of fear of bombing or anything.
everything would be cool and everyone would smoke pot all the time and be
accepting of everyone else. that's how the world would work. i say so,
so that's how it is. i am tim, master of the univserse. fuck he-man. he
was just a fucking action figure. i am the real man, and my ears become
grounded when i yawn. eat that, niggers. you can't take the wrath of my
history-book readin' ass. i sit on mouldy chairs and read Hobsbawm. eat
that, dark-skinned afro-headed tall-ass deep-voiced motherfuckers. hey,
you call each other that, so can i. eat it if you don't like it, negro
motherfucker. suck my enormous white cock, african american BITCH. sure,
you're nice. i'm nice too. but, see, sometimes that just doesn't matter.
if i want to pretend like i'm from arkansas, i can do that. so can you.
we can both pretend like we are from arkansas. that is fun. i can run a
fireworks stand next to the road and you can drive by and not patronize me
because i am white. you fucking NIGGER. not buyin' from my store because
i'm WHITE. don't think i won't come and kick your fuckin' ass, mother
fucker.
how long did i stand there and talk next to the pinball machine?
the lights were flashing, i held a beer, i don't know how long i was
standing there. and there were vending machines and i was eating chips
and kinda wobbling a little bit because i had a bottle of beer which i
just brealy paid for. see, i left a susan b. anthony dollar for them.
all the expensive beer that they had certainly cost a lot more than ONE
FUCKING DOLLAR. and i had a good amount of their beer. at least 5 bottles
before i began getting drunk. i had a different type of beer each time.
sometimes a st. paulli girl, once a bass, and other stuff.
you see, the girl that i am currently interested in like Bass. it
is her favorite kind of beer. i went to the bar that she likes to go to
and she was there and my friend had an id that said he was 23 and i had
him get us all a pitcher, and this girl recommended bass. so he went and
bought it. and we had a pitcher of bass.
matt and i both ended up sorta puking that night. i wasn't drunk
at all, but eventually i had this feeling in my esophagus that seemed like
i really had to do something about. so i ... like coughed up some stuff
(foam?) into my mouth and then .. well, swallowed it. i wasn't drunk.
what else was i going to do with that shit? that was the only vomit-type-
-shit involved. it went into my mouth and then went right back down. fuck
it. it doesn't matter. matt went to the bathroom and ended up puking a
bit into his hand on the way there. i think he dropped it on the floor or
something.
see, drinking is a lot of fun. sometimes you get emotionally
affected and can talk to people about your innermost feelings, which is
good, if you feel like sharing, and sometimes you feel like shit and end
up vomitting all over the place and doing bad shit and raping girls and
whatnot. well, see, that's alcohol for you and what's thwy they outlawed
it in the fuckin' 30's or whatever and that's the end. see, the american
government wanted to boost the economomy by TOTALLY OUTLAWING LIQUOR. the
less liquor they sell, the less people will be employed by
liquor-producers, which means less jobs, less money, worse economy, etc.
i've eaten tacos two nights in a row, and i've eaten in a
restaurant in dresden. i don't remember exactly what i had, excpet that i
expected it to be bad and it ended up being good. it was quite a surprise.
and the people i was there with... man, they were coool. my host sister
and her brother and their friend who lived in dresden. she looked pretty
much like a boy, but she was a girl. and she was so fun! we had such a
great time. we were all speaking in english and shit because i only knew
_so much_ deutsch... man, that wa s killer time.
and i met this guy tonight at the amiga party who lieks kraftwerk.
a LOT. he has EVERYUTHING FUCKING BOOTLEGETS AND SHIT> OFRU TNATELY FOR
ME I WAS WEARING MY AMIGA SHIRT.. NO, MY _KRAFWERK_ SHRT, AND SOMEONE
POINTED THAT OUT TO HIM, SO HE CAME AND TALKED TO ME. HE LIVED IN GERMANY
FOR 222 YEARS OR SOMETHIGN, BEING RAISED THERE AND STUFF. AND HE LOVES
KRAFWETKR! we talked about kraftwerk and their spinoff projects and other
80's synthpop bands and stuff. he kicked ass. i got his email address.
and i got the email address of the guy who was elite at one point and was
into c64 and amiga bbsing.
for a while, it was really a natural progression to move from a c64
to an amiga. that's what this guy did. matt, styx, thought that he would
be able to run c64 apps and games and stuff on his amiga 500 that he
bought, but it doesn't work that way, so he returned it and didn't really
get involved with the amiga world. that's too bad, because the amiga
world is still very rewarding. there's this new guy who's now president
of amiga, inc. he's really got a vision, and he really thinks that now is
that time to introduce new computing technology. he believes that the
microsoft windows world is over, and that there is an opening. i believe
that too. it really seems that this is the wonderful window of
opportunity. think about the time when the average consumer had the choice
between a c64, an atari 400/800, and a tandy, and a ti99/4a. they were all
completely different computers (though some of them used the same central
processor), had different software (though some games were written foor the
different computers) and had different followings. but each computer did
what people needed a computer to do. they would word-process, play games,
and... umm manage finances? i dunno. they all did these things, with
special programs, and that's what people needed. well
well, see, if someone now introduces a computer that can web-browse,
play kick-ass games, and still do neat things like word-process and
whatnot, there really is a market for people to buy such a thing.
especially if it is backed by gateway. amiga (owned by gateway) now is
working on such a machine -- it will appeal to enthusiasts and to
consumers. there will be various models of the machine, and one of the
few things they all will have incommon is the operating system. it will be
a very high-performance, multi-media-centric operating system. see, the
amiga did multimedia before PCs did. the amiga was multimedia before the
term "multimedia" even fucking EXISTED> so SUCK YOUR OWN FUCKING COCKS,
PC WORLD. GO BLOW A FUCKING GOAT, BECAUSE THAT'S AS GOOD AS YOURE' GOING
TO GET. YOUR PENISES ARE AS BIG AS BLADES OF GRASS, AND THEY ARE GREEN AS
WELL, AND YOU FUCKIN GSUCK, YOUGOD DAMNED MOTHERFUCKERS. IF ONLY THERE
WEREN'T PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ALWAYS LOOKING TO RUIN EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD.
AND IF DUMB PEOPL ELIKE MOHSIN ALI (DO A WEB SERARRCH) DIDN'T EXIST, THE
WORLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER!#%%#!!#% I AM PISSED OFF
SO LONG AS I CAN USE THE COMPUTER(S) THAT I WANT TO USE, AND I GET
TO LOVE THE GIRL THAT I WANT TO LOVE, I WILL BE HAPPY FOR TH EREST OF MY
LIFE. I REMEMBER USING DUMB APPLE ][ BACK IN THE DAY AND PLAYING SOME
GAMES AND THINGS AND IT MADE ME HAPPY. I WAS IN WONDER. I DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTRHING LIKE THAT. NOW, WELL, AMYBE SOME OTHER KIUD CAN FEEL THAT KIND
OF WONDER LIKE I DID. THER'ES NO WONDER WITH WINDOWS. FUCK IT. THER'S
NO _POWER_ INVOLVED. there's only this dubm user interface .a dn stuff.
there's no power ane there's very little motivating anyone to sit down and
really work with it to create some kind of killer app. same with hardware.
there's nothing making people want to innovate.
well, see this new amiga will make people want to innovate and they
will come up with new ideas, just like the video toaster for the original
amiga basically COMPLETELY FORMED the DESKTOP VIDEO MARKET. before the
video toaster, therew axs sno such things as the DESKTOP VIDEO MARKET. the
video toaster invented that. and without the amiga comptuer, the
videotaoster wouldn't have come into existence. hell, without the amiga,
the video toaster STILL WOULDN'T EXIST.
folks, the video toaster is a device that would take 4 video inputs
and switch between them, and it had two video outputs. but see, there was
a lot more circuitry involve.d it could "genlock", or overlay the amiga's
video onto the video input. so you could, say, have scrolling text going
across a live video feed. there was toasterpaint, which allwed 24bit
painting over a 24bit video-toasterframe-grab. there was lightwave. the
most advanced renderer/ray-tracer in existence. it's what ws used to
render the scenes in titanic, folks. and in seaQuest DSV, and in Robocop:
The TV series, and in Antz, and in Bugs Life, and in Toy Story, and bla
bla bla blb al. Deep Space Nine. Babylon 5. some of these shows / movies
were actually rendered using an amiga running lightwave, other shows came
after the amiga was slower than pcs. see, eventually, amigas became
limited to a processor set that could only reach 50mhz. pcs were going up
to 200 mhz. and although the amiga had a spectacular operating system,
and stuff, that raw processing power just wasn't there anymore. so people
would begin to use lightwave on fast fast pcs and DEC Alpha machines.
those machines didn't have video toasters tough! see, the only machine
capable of running a video toaster is amiga! amigas are really the outlet
for the creative mind. both in the software development field, as well as
in the image and audio creation field. there simply hasn't been another
platform quite like it that has allowed people to create things with as
much ease of use and freedom as the amiga. the way that everything just
"works" allows program to provide users with functions to create, rather
than mess with making things work. things should just work anyway, that's
why we're using computers, right?
anyway, i'm going to stop rambling on, because this isn't amusing,
but rather it is a rant on computers, which not everyone is completely
interested in. this is what is going on in my mind while i am drunk and
have my eyes closed and have a text editor in front of me. that's how it
works. sometimes i say things that amuse people, but i suppose that while
i am at an amiga show, i think about amiga. i'm afraid that you'll have
to live with that, since you suffered through this entire file looking for
some kind of trilobyte-trademark(tm) of funny humor to make you giggle. i
suppose that was at the beginning of the file. and i did talk about a
number of interesting and funny things in this text, before my eyes were
closed.
maybe as my eyes see all the various words on the the screen, my
eyes put them all together and get ideas from that. i don't know, how
could i know? i could ask the supreme being that runs all of our
four-leggeds and say " hey what the fuck" and you know answers would flow
like wine. and yeah but i should get to sleep. but this isn't a phone
conversation so it doesn't matter. i don't know who you are. i can assume
who you are, since i know some people that generally religiously read HOE
files, but this might not even turn into a hoe file for all i know. maybe
mogel will reject it, since it just talks about computers, and computers
are lame. sometimes i type fast and sometimes i don't. sometimes while
my eyes are closed, i type with lots of typos.
so be it.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #522 - WRITTEN BY: TRILOBYTE - 3/21/99 ]