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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #371 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Naked People (Are People, too)" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Paganini !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98 !!
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Okay, so there I was. "Where were you?" Hang on. I'm getting
there.
There I was driving my car down Auburn Street. It was a nice
day. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. I had the windows slightly
rolled down. Children were playing. Birds were singing. People were
waving at each other. (So it was the finger... that does not matter.)
Anyhow, understand that everything was just perfect. I was listening to
my new favorite song on the radio - Karma Police, by Radiohead. All
was right with the world. Can you picture it? Visuals are somewhat
important for this piece.
Then, for some reason I started thinking "You know, something
just isn't right here. Something is missing." Incidentally I thought it
was a little cold for the month of September but we'll touch on that one
later. I looked around me and I couldn't find anything wrong but I knew
something was up. Something just didn't feel right. I looked up only to
find the small rip in the interior of my car that everyone has but has
no idea of its origin. I looked down to the floor of my car only to find
the hey and dirt that somehow makes its way there. I stopped to think
"Where did all that roughage come from?" I let it go though, because
there was something bigger here. There was a higher purpose to serve.
I looked from side to side and there was nothing but the many books and
socks that have taken up their residence on my passenger seat.
Now, at this point I am starting to get a little worried. I
wondered if maybe I was having one of those psychic moments like you see
on Unsolved Mysteries. You know, the ones where people are killed and
across town some woman eats a hero sandwich and has stomach pains
knowing that somewhere in the world a man has died. Yeah, kind of like
that, except... not really. I look down once more only to see... and
this is the kicker... this is what will get you...
I looked down only to see that my shirt was unbuttoned. My
blue, button-down shirt; the one that came from a friends discount at
the all too trendy "Buckle"; the one I wear almost every two days... was
completely unbuttoned. !!! That's just not decent. !!!
Know this. I am not a tart. I am not one of those girls who run
around town in see-through shirts. I have never left the house in just
a towel. I do not wear the color purple. (Just throwing that one in
there.) What gets me about this whole thing is that this is the second
time something like this has happened to me. The first time was a
little worse because I had someone point it out to me at a gas station
in the form of cat calls and phone numbers. Granted, that was a little
better because it was only the top four buttons as opposed to all six.
You know, I feel kind of bad this time though. This is getting to be a
problem. Here I can program my VCR, calculate trigonometric problems,
and cure cancer (okay, maybe not) but I cannot even dress myself. What
does that say about me? What does that mean? What am I going to do?
I am beginning to wonder if maybe I need to start wearing big sweaters
with no buttons or perhaps a nice turtleneck would suffice. Maybe
someone should call me each morning and say "What are you wearing?" No.
I don't think that will do at all.
All this got me thinking about naked people. (Let's keep it
clean folks.) It got me thinking about how every time I go to the local
bike path some woman wearing nothing but a bra and shorts runs past me.
It got me thinking about how men there jog in their underwear. Children
run around half naked. At first my opinion on all this was solid. Wear
clothes. Stay in school. Wear clothes to school. Stay away from
drugs... all that. However, I began to think about it and I will tell
you something. I am glad to live in a country where people can run
around half naked. I am happy to look around me and see people with no
clothing on. (Whoa!) I think it's a good thing when we can recognize
the human body as something beautiful (or not so beautiful as the case
may be) and accept it's presence in society. Now, don't pin me down as
one of those nudists. (One of those crazy nudists.) I simply think
that maybe we should open our minds a little. We should relax a little.
One thing that has always disturbed me a little are those bins of
underwear that can be found in department stores. Ladies, men, you all
know what I am talking about. I am talking about how every time you are
in the hat department or the glove department, or maybe you are just
passing through, you can find a bin full of underwear laying in the
exact middle of the walkway. There is always a sign in the bin too.
It says something to the extent of "Bargain Underwear. Mix and Match."
Well, keep your bargain underwear away from me. I don't want your
bargain underwear. The last place I want to see the word bargain is
with the word underwear. (Or the word meat -- either one.) I don't like
the idea of rejected underwear, and that's what it is, you know. They
throw all of their rejected underwear into a bin and then... his is what
is most heinous of the whole thing. Women come over and they rummage
through the underwear. It's like the turkey bin at Logli's the last day
before Thanksgiving. (There's a whole story there.) They get these
crazed looks in their eyes and they delve deep into the bin... looking
for that one good pair of underwear. I'm sorry but I don't think I can
buy underwear that fifteen women have checked out and then rejected.
First of all, the idea that those women have seen my underwear just
doesn't do it for me. Secondly, the idea that they have seen my
underwear and rejected it; that it wasn't good enough for them... that
doesn't do much for me either.
I'm not sure if this thing has a point. Perhaps it's just
something to think about. Look at yourself next time you leave the
house. You don't need to look great. Just make sure you're wearing
clothing. It's a plus! Chicks dig it! Guys... I'm not sure what the
deal is there. Or you know what? Don't wear clothing at all. That's
the beauty of all of this. Sure, you might be arrested. Sure, you
might go to jail. This is America. This is our country and if we don't
want to wear clothing then, by God, we have the sovereignty and we
should not have to wear clothing. You tell that to your police. You
tell them this crazy girl named Sara Mann told you no, you don't have
to wear a shirt today. That's the beauty of this country. We can show
our ankles and get away without being shot. I love this country! Thank
you and God bless America.
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #371 - WRITTEN BY: PAGANINI - 12/22/98 !!