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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #362 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Manic Depression" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Phairgirl !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/19/98 !!
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you know-- you've known for a long time-- that you have a clear
perception of reality. nothing matters in this world. you realized
long ago that there's no explanation that could ever convince you that
there is a god... that there is any kind of higher being. you've seen
life. and you know that you control your own destiny.
so this is why you hate yourself.
nothing changes. the world is still full of the same shit that
has always existed. people don't change. you run into the same
assholes everywhere you go. you don't change. you're still the same
worthless nothing floating in a world of worthless everything, and it
all matters, maybe too much.
and the next day, suddenly everything is too slow. you can't
move fast enough. everything is funny. everything YOU DO is funny.
you're unstoppable. you're CONVINCED that the gorgeous long-haired guy
online wants you just as much as you want him. you make a complete ass
out of yourself, but it's a wonderful thing. you are a MINOR GOD!
then you hear him talking to a different girl and not replying as
quickly to your messages. no longer are you perfect; suddenly, all you
do is wrong. you find yourself right back where you began.
you cry over meaningless messages sent by friends in jest. you
agonize over the easiest tasks and torture yourself over your stupidity.
and when the day ends, and you try to create dreams for yourself as you
fall asleep, suddenly the world is a little brighter.
you know what's wrong with you. you know there's medication out
there for people like you, people who can't handle daily life for no
reason at all. but your fucking lame-ass job doesn't have benefits,
and you can't get benefits until you're promoted. but you can't get
promoted if you keep acting this way.
day number three begins, and once again, you can't seem to stop
yourself. you're hot shit, baby. everything you do is cool.
everything you say is cool. everyone else is a wasted, watered-down
pile of nothing. you shout insults at innocent passers-by because they
pissed you off for looking at you cockeyed. they throw their pepsi at
you, and you're back to self-loathing and the neverending feeling of
wanting to die.
welcome to my world. how sexy am i now, fucker?
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #362, WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 12/19/98 !!