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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #359 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Jerry Springer Show" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Neko !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/19/98 !!
!!========================================================================!!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOO
Jerry: Hello, thank you all for joining us today!
Crowd: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Jerry: Thank you! And thank you for going to see my movie, Ringmaster!
Crowd: WOOOOO!
Jerry: Thank you, thank you! Let's meet our first guest, Tim.
Hello, Tim!
Tim: Hello, Jerry. It's a dubious honor to be on your show.
Jerry: Heh, well, Tim, let's get to know you a little bit. You've been
going out with <fumbles with notecard> Julia? for ... <fumbles,
pushes up glasses>... 6 months now?
Tim: Six of the happiest months of my life.
Jerry: How did the two of you meet?
Tim: I always hung out at this posh Internet cafe called Octane. Julia
frequented it as well. We hit things off marvelously and things
have gone uphill from there.
Jerry: Do you love her?
Tim: I love her with my entire soul, Jerry! I'd jump in front of a
bullet for her. In fact <digs in pocket>, I have something for
her. <shows ring to camera>
Jerry: Well, it sounds like the two of you are serious. You know you're
here today to hear something from Julia, so let's bring her out.
<Julia walks out, crowd roars>
Jerry: Hello Julia.
Julia: Hi Jerry! It's a pleasure to be here. Did I mention I am a
misunderstood artist?
Jerry: That's great, Julia... Tim know you brought him on the show to
tell him something, so I'll leave the two of you alone.
<folds arms>
Julia: Tim, we've been going out for awhile now...<scoots chair closer
to Tim, holds his hands>
Tim: You're right -- Julia, <pulls ring out of pocket> will you
marry me?
Julia: Umm, actually, ummm, ummm...
Tim: What? Is something wrong, hon?
Julia: You see... you remember when I told you about my old boyfriend,
Jason?
Tim: Yeah, sure, he seemed like a pretty cool guy.
Julia: Well, I started seeing him again.
<Tim's jaw drops, scoots away from Juliam crowd booes initially
at Julia, then cheers Tim>
Tim: You...you...what!?@
Julia: We've been seeing each other the past 2 months. We've been
sleeping together, too.
Tim: Fuck you, bitch. <Gets up and walks off stage>
<cheers from the crowd>
Jerry: Well, Julia. I guess he didn't take that very well.
<laughter>
Julia: I don't know what the problem is Jerry. Jason is a nice guy, I
think he and Tim will get along well. Let's bring out Jason!
<crowd booes>
<Jason comes out, pulls Julia close and starts kissing her>
Jason: Fuck you all, you don't know me! You don't know what it's like!
I'm a film maker! I'm misunderstood! My life is hard!
<boo>
<Tim returns, cheers>
Tim: You're such a stupid bitch. I can't believe I didn't see it
sooner.
Julia: Tiiiiim! Don't say that! I love you!
Tim: But you're fucking this asshole?
<Jason jumps up and runs towards Tim. Tim holds his leg out and
Jason trips. Crowd laughs.>
Jerry: Jason, calm down and behave yourself. Tim, how do you feel
about this?
Tim: Well, Jerry, I'm pretty damned surprised. We've been going out
for awhile, and, well, she's been getting kind of distant and
weird lately, but I didn't see this coming. How could you?
Julia: I....I...I'm so misunderstood. God, how can you not understand
Tim? My college art teacher hated my work! I had to drop out!
How can you be so insensitive to my needs??
Tim: Are you fucking STUPID? You were dating ME and you started
FUCKING some other guy! YOU DUMB BITCH! How could I have been
so stupid?
<Julia cries, Jason looks dumbfounded>
Jerry: Jason, how do you feel about taking Julia away from Tim?
Jason: Jerry, you've got to understand -- Julia and I are both
misunderstood artists. Don't you see the beret I am wearing?
You can't possibly understand what's going on in my head. I
mean, last night I was sucking some guy's dick for 20 bucks!
How low can one sink to be an artist?
Julia: You, you what?
<Tim laughs maliciously>
Jason: I sucked cock to get money to take you out for breakfast.
Jerry, do you know how hard it is to find a vegetarian
restaurant in Chicago?
Tim: Haha, we always had that trouble. She's a fucking picky eater
bitch.
Julia: Tiiiim! Why are you being so mean to me?
Tim: YOU TORE MY HEART OUT ON TELEVISION WITH A FUCKING SPOON YOU
GODDAMNED STUPID BITCH! WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
<Julia sobs>
Tim: So, Jason, have you gotten to the sex part yet?
Jason: Yeah, it's OK.
Tim: For the first couple weeks, but then she starts losing interest.
The only thing that kept me interested were her enormous breasts.
Jason: Yeah, you're right. They are enormous. Other than that I don't
think she has many redeeming qualities. Physically. Obviously
we have an artistic connection you could never understand.
Tim: I thought we had that, too, but in the last fifteen minutes I
realized what a dumb bitch she is.
Julia: <sob> How can you say this? I hate both of you!
Jerry: Let's take some questions from the audience...
Large-breasted-tight-shirt girl-#1: If you're into breasts, check
these out!
<flashes stage>
<Tim and Jason chuckle and clap, audience shouts JERRY JERRY JERRY>
Large black woman #1: Y'all need ta stop what y'all be doin, cuz it
don't lead to nowhere but trouble!
<confused applause>
Dorky looking artfag #1: This is a question for Julia -- so I guess
you're done with both Tim and Jason after the show?
Julia: <sob> Yes <sob>
DLA1: Well, I'm free, see my beret? I think we'd get along fine!
Idiot: Julia, show us your tits!
<chants of Jerry ensue, Julia just sobs>
A Cool dude: Julia, I think you're a fucking bitch! It's obvious Tim
gave his all to you and you just trashed him on TV! Fuck
you, stupid hooker!
<Tim and Jason laugh, audience applauds>
Tim: Hey Jason, fuck this bitch.
Jason: I did.
Tim: Heh, so did I. Forget about that, let's get the hell out of
here.
<walks by Julia>
Tim: Fuck you.
<throws down mic>
Jason: Fuck you.
<follows Tim>
Julia: <sob>
Jerry: And now for my final thought -- When you're dating someone, make
sure they're not a stupid bitch or you might end up on my show!
HAHA! Join us tomorrow for "The Bizarre Fetishes of Ezine
Writers!"
<applause, fade out>
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #359 - WRITTEN BY: NEKO - 12/19/98 !!