💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0316.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:26:09.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #316 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "In The Beginning..." !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> AnonGirl !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/9/98 !!
!!========================================================================!!
In the beginning, there were only tools.
Ax, Hammer, Wrench, Screwdriver, Screw, Nut, Bolt, and of
course, Nail. They lived in harmony in the Garden of Wooden.
Ax was the ruler of Wooden. He was fierce, yet noble. He was
reasonable, but very foul-tempered. Everyone obeyed his every command,
rational or not. Hammer was Ax's apprentice.
One day, Nut and Bolt were discussing the theory of evolution
over lunch when Screw walked by with her brother, Nail. Bolt invited
the two to join them for lunch.
"Don't invite that invalid over here!" Nut whispered to Bolt.
"Whatever do you mean, brother?" Bolt asked.
"That Nail is an absolute failure. If he sits with us the
others will mock us for being in the company of an imbecile," Nut
replied. But before Bolt could say anything Nail and Screw were
already sitting with them.
"So what have you been doing with yourself, Nail?" Nut asked
slyly.
"Oh, the usual.." Nail replied uneasily. After some casual
conversation the 4 tools went their own way. Nut went to go help his
fellow nuts secure some bolts, which was where Bolt went. Screw went
home to her husband, Screwdriver, and Nail went to his small, one-room
home. He had been upset lately because he felt very inadequate to his
fellow tools. Everyone had an assigned tasks to perform, except him.
He was a mistake to begin with. While his sister, Screw was being
created, they had some extra steel afterwards, so they tried to make
another screw. Unfortunately they only had enough to make the shape of
a screw, but no grooves. The Creators could not discard him, for they
did not believe in that aborting already-made tools. So they let him
live, calling him Nail, the brother of Screw.
The other screws did not like him, they thought of him as a
mockery of their own shape. Screw loved her brother out of pity,
because she knew he had heart, even if he didn't have a specific
occupation. He tried to screw, bolt, even cut. Nothing worked, which
made him very discouraged. He wasn't accepted by anyone except Screw.
While trying to screw himself into the ground one day, Nail got
stuck and cried for help. Nut and Wrench came running to see what was
the matter.
"I've managed to screw myself, and I'm stuck. Will you help me
out?" Nail pleaded. Nut and Wrench looked at each other and started
chuckling.
"Everyone come see! Nail has managed to screw himself yet
again!" Wrench called out to the other tools. And the other tools
came running to see this display of sillyness. They pointed and
laughed at him. Screw heard all the laughter and went to see what the
commotion was about. She saw her poor brother stuck and immediately
ran to his aid. She managed to pull him out of the ground, causing her
to fall back. He helped her up, thanking his sister.
"Look at you, you pathetic waste of metal. You need to call on
your own sister to help you out of a bind. You're useless!" Wrench
cried.
"I was just trying to be a tool like everyone else," Nail
argued. Hammer got angry at this comment.
"You aren't a tool. You're not even a screw! You're a piece
of junk. You're nothing! You will never be a tool!" Hammer cried.
Everyone cheered at this.
"Please, I know I can do something! If you'd all just give me
a chance, really--" Nail begged. But before he could finish, the other
tools began to push him around.
"We'll put you to good use," Nut cracked, in a cruel voice.
They began to taunt and tease Nail, calling him names and pushing him
around. Screw tried to stop them, but Screwdriver held her back,
telling her not to bother. Hammer told everyone to back off.
"Let me have a go at him. This piece of junk is mine," he said.
And with that, he pushed Nail up against a stack of wooden boards and
hit him with his strongest blow. He didn't cry out or fall down. To
their surprise, he plunged through the wooden boards, only his head
showing. They stared at him for a while, wondering if he was okay.
Screw broke free from her husband's hold and ran to Nail, nudging him
lightly.
"Nail? Are you okay?" she asked nervously.
"I am fine. What's going on?" he asked. They figured he had
a purpose after all. But they still had to get him out, somehow.
They studied Nail's disposition for quite some time. Screw
figured out that Hammer could use his head to help Nail out.
Hammer pulled Nail out of the wall, and discovered he had a use
for the prongs on the back of his head, which at first was a birth
defect.
The other tools, forever in his debt, celebrated Nail's newfound
use by taking him out for drinks that same night.
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #316 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 12/9/98 !!