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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #298 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Suffer the Children" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Zaff !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/19/98 !!
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"I kill children
I like to see them die..."
-- Dead Kennedys, I Kill Children
You can hardly turn on the television anymore without seeing that
some fat ugly sexually frustrated kid just hitting puberty, usually in
Mississippi or one of the other states that just exist to give America
a bad name in the global community, has gone and shot up a few of his
classmates and teachers. Sometimes the kids even lay lethal traps,
displaying more ingenuity than one would expect from such a creature.
Perhaps if the ACT's added a section for paramilitary and militia
tactics, the average score for the state of Arkansas would rise above
the elusive 11 mark.
And when little redneckins aren't shooting themselves and handy
authority figures, some 10 year old ghetto defendant is on trial for
wasting his 11 year old best friend with a semi-automatic weapon for
disrespecting his bitch.
Kids are just growing up so fast anymore.
Many people are alarmed by all this violence, but I think a
simple policy reform will channel all this ill-expressed frustration
into positive action. I don't mean midnight basketball--the last thing
we need to do is encourage still more young boys to become part of what
is essentially a million dollar slave raquet/freak show. And now with
the WNBA women are getting involved too, and why not. Girls are idiots
too and a few of them can jump high.
Nor am I advocating channeling this energy into artistic
pursuits. What the world does not need is one more redneck writing
about his life and times or about the struggles she went through
growing up in the deep south. And as for the urban youth--god please,
no more gangster rap. No more. (Note: The worst part about this
manifestation of the Epichorean Muse is not the music, but the way women
universally sway rhythmically when it is played. One can tune out the
music, but to avoid the dancing one needs to either walk around with
one's eyes closed or, better still, figure out a way to ram one's head
up one's ass until the offending sight goes away.)
No, the policy reform I advocate is a simple one. Arm the kids
with reliable guns and teach them to shoot straight. Think of all the
fun and goodness this would result in.
In the first place, we have a ready pool from which to draw in
the event of a war. Just by virtue of this system, anybdy who lives to
be 18 or so can be assumed to be a damned good soldier. What, with Iraq
being so mean to us, and the Russians getting pissy (and still armed
with enough nukes to blow up the world some absurd # of times), with
fools and madmen controlling the nukes in breakaway republics, China
India and Pakistan all being what Kissinger might term "fuckstains"...
well you get the point. A standing militia *is* necessary, after all,
to the protection and maintenance of our nation.
Secondly, we would finally have a fully armed proletarian. Class
envy is alive and well today, when some kids have expensive clothes,
computers and opportunities, while others have big hunks of poop that
life gives them from which they can make, as the Red Meat comic strip
suggests, poop juice. By the junior year of high school on, kids know
who the privileged fucks are, and who the whiny sons of bitches with
pseudoangst and nice warm homes and families to go back to are. I bet
one or two of the poor and downtrodden and federally armed students will
find interesting things to do with their guns and training. Control the
means of production? Establish a government of the workers? Or just
kill a few blonde haired Abercrombie and Fitch clad SOB's? I don't
think you can go wrong.
Oh, and there is a third benefit. See, if kids are armed,
everybody is going to have to arm themselves well and learn to defend
themselves. And the fat, ugly, misunderstood kids who go on shooting
sprees in Arkansas and wherever else are the ones who are going to take
the most risks. Most of them fancy themselves military minds and bodies
anyway (despite the obvious fact that their girth and poor vision makes
them fit only for permanent latrine duty). These kids are bound to take
military risks and get killed in high numbers, ensuring fewer web pages
overall and preventing any chance, however remote, that they might
reproduce.
So yes, arm the kids. Let them have their fun, boys will be boys
after all. It can lead to nothing but goodness.
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #298 - WRITTEN BY: ZAFF - 11/19/98 !!