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>> "Being Accepted In Public" <<
by -> Chris Cox
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Now, all of us have had bad times out in public, be it the
occasional fly being down, or tripping on a crack, or what have you. But
some of us really know how to make a complete cock out of ourselves in public
For example, I saw this guy at the mall the other day, he looked to
be about 30 or so, dressed totally like some punk guy, with a chain wallet,
spiked hair, and everything. He looked pretty cool from a distance. But,
as i got up closer to him, i noticed that his shirt said "offspring - smash"
on the front of it. I was like 'boy, that guy sure is a cockhead.' but hey,
that's why i'm here. i will give you tips on how not to look like a dumb fuck
in public...
lesson 1 - don't wear band shirts. and if you do, make sure no one has ever
heard of the band on the shirt
lesson 2 - only wear a chain wallet if you have money or condoms to keep in
it. never wear one for style. and never wear one that is so grossly huge
that it knocks you off-balance
lesson 3 - don't wear No Fear Geer in public. don't wear it in private
either.
lesson 4 - if you're going to be loud, do it in a positive way. because no
one really wants to hear "HEY JIMMY!! YOU ARE A FUCKING DUMB ASS SHIT HEADED
ASSHOLE!!" screamed across the mall...what they'd rather hear is "HOLY SHIT!
FIGHT! FIGHT! BLOOD!"...get the picture?..good..
lesson 5 - never ridicule someone bigger than you just to earn the respect of
your friends. for example, i saw these 12 year old punks at the 7-eleven on
friday night, smoking cigarattes, and just hangin' out, which is perfectly
fine. but then a group of us, ages 16-21 roll up in our hooptee, and get out
to go buy smokes and slurpees and shit. and my friend who's like 6 foot 5
was walkin' in, when one of the kids said to the other 'shit, man, look at
that big tall pussy tryin' to be all that'. so my friend stopped, told us
to come outside, and we beat the crap out of the kid and took his money,
while his friend left him there and ran home like a pussy. so the moral of
the story is : your friends will always ditch you
being accepted in public is not that hard, as long as you don't try
to be something you're not, or try to act all bad. just chill, and go with
the flow, and you'll be ok. and if you don't follow all of these lessons
to the word, you'll be looked at as a total fucking jackass.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #259 -- written by Chris Cox -- 8/16/98 *