💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0196.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:22:13.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
$$$$$$
$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #196
$$$P $$ $$ moo, oink, up your butt.
$$P $$ x$$
$$P $$ xP$$ d$$$$$$.
$$. $$xP $$ $$$' >$$
$$$$$. $$P $$ 4$$$. .$$'
$$'`4$$b. $$ $$ 4$$$$$P'
$$b 4$$b. $$$$$$ 4${body}lt; %%
$$$b 4$$$x $$$$$$ 4$$$$$ %%
>> "Marching Over Me" <<
by -> Leprekon
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was sitting on the train today and I looked up from my page and
suddenly I was falling.. I was torn from the world that I where life was a
thing of true beauty and joy, and when my feet landed, I coughed and winced
the pain.
The life I was leading so enwraped in my book was heavenly.. a
mixture of futuristic hustle & bustle & love of life and others.. How
wonderful.. When the book was put down, I tried to pull back my tears, to no
avail.. the world that surrounded me was one that didn't care, didn't feel
and just plain didn't understand. Face after face looked up, and then
down.. the eyes cold and surrounded by cloaks of social facade. And then I
saw her.. wondering suddenly if she was real or if I was simply
hallucinating from want and need.. burning in my head.. she smiled and then
she saw me.. the smile was gone and she was staring intently.. curious.. her
head cocked.. and the eyes were warm, understanding .. finally I felt it..
the love, and the pain was insignificant.. I didn't feel a thing.
I was in a trance..the world that surrounded me in this speeding
capsule ment nothing as I was sure already that it was meaningless before
hand.. but now.. it simply wasn't there..
five minutes and the train came sliding to a halt at my station and
she got off. I lept to my feet, feeling no urgency to get to my
destination.. not even caring that this was my stop, but mearly trying to
follow her.. stay with her.. forever..
She disapeared and re-appeared in and out of the struggling crowds of
people marching endlessly toward their day-to-day, working slowly to
complete their life as the cloak displayed it. She would re-appear and our
eyes would meet then gone, and again.
We entered a large tunnel.. nearly 600 metres in total.. a stretch
from the station to the main street of the city.. no corners.. no exits, but
for two.. the station.. and the street.
I smiled inside and out.. I knew that this would give me the time I
need for the battle, the fight to keep up, and find her all over again. As I
walked through the tunnel I saw her again and again and for a time I really
appeared to be getting closer to her.. I could almost smell her scent,
comforting me as I paced and darted through streams of zombies that may as
well have been maniquins in my eyes. When, without warning, my surroundings
changed.. all the people once strolling through the tunnel looked up and
straight.. No longer looking down at their feet in some confused daze, or
possibly even the trust in the farmiliarity of it all, they looked now to be
focused on one central goal. I was so happy with the very concept that I
almost lost track of my goal, the girl, the eyes so warm now in my heart..
but fading.. why?
I remembered the train and my heart warmed once more and I searched
the tunnel for those farmilliar eyes.. the look of her, and her smell.. The
footsteps on the cold hard tiles of the tunnel were once very random and
chaotic as people went about their own target. their own goal, but now they
all seemed to fall in line.. uniform motion.. step.. step.. each one
drumming through my mind and echoing into the recesses of my conciousness,
hammering me down further down the spiral that I was in, losing her..
forever.
In the final steps toward the street I searched harder than I have
searched for anything in my life.. with more dedication and pasion .. but
she was gone.. and now there would be no way to get her back. The moment my
mind registered the loss she was gone completely.. I couldn't even remember
her face or those eyes, nor the scent that warmed me in the winter cold of
the tunnel. She was truely gone from my life all together.
In an instant I blinked when the sound of the last marching step
echoed through my head. When I reopened my eyes, the army was gone, its task
completed, my deviance from the social path was averted, and I would once
more conform. I looked around and all I could see were the same chaotic mass
of people that were with me at the station. No army, no steps, no marching,
no eyes, no warmth .. and I fell to the ground in a crouch with my back
against the wall.. silently sobbing, I nodded.. "OK" I sobbed into nothing
at all.. "OK" .. and with that I stood up, wiping the tears from my eyes,
and steped on to the escalator that would take me to the street, and right
outside my college. Another day, all the same, temptation, loss.
Society's army has no co-ordinating force, no government, no written
laws, but many rules. It would seem now that happiness is against the rules,
and when one tries to deviate from the path, the army steps in.. stepping
together and working together, without communication, to force you back onto
the path. This morning I learned the hard way, and tonight, upon my pillow..
I will cry myself to sleep again.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #196 -- written by Leprekon -- 1/26/98 *