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>> "What's Your New Year's Resolution? Huh?" <<
by -> FyFy
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Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 01:54:56
From: thuhuong@usa.net
To: mogel@dto.net
Subject: Submission
Here is a short one that I quickly whipped up after exploring your
great site. Hopefully in the future I may submit more if my mind comes to
it. Anyway enjoy!!!
---
What's your New Year's resolution? Huh?
I want to be someone. I don't want to be the person sitting in the dark and
talking to myself and wondering where everyone is going and what they're
doing next. I want to be in the "in" crowd. I want to be the talk among the
people. I'll be different. I promise. I'll change. I'll do whatever it
takes. I want...I want...
Yeah sure that's what you said last year and it never happened. You fuckin'
screwed up. You're not strong enough to push yourself. You're one worthless
piece of junk. Remember what happened last year when you went to that party
where all the guys were checking you out. You totally freaked and started
talking nonsense bullshit. You scared them away. You're crap!
Don't call me crap! I'm not crap! I can change this time I promise. This
year I'll be different I swear to God! I'll make it work. You'll see and
you'll know I'm telling the truth. I want to change this time. I'm not dumb
you'll see. Besides it takes time and everyone changes don't they? I mean
I'm not a freak. They're are others who are way worse than I am. I'm just
unique.
Unique? You call sitting in a dark room and talking to yourself unique?!
I'll tell you what unique is. It's being able to touch people with what you
are and show them the type of person you are. What you're showing to people
is someone who needs help. You're so pathetic can't you see no one wants to
be around you?
What do you mean? Help? I'm just fine the way I am. I talk to myself because
most of time you're up there asking me a whole lotta questions. The incident
with the boys at that party was mostly your fault too. I didn't admit it at
first but now that I realize it, it was all your fault. You kept saying,
"Go for it! Go for it!" That's why I started yelling. Then again I should
blame you for making me the way I am today. You're the one who made me turn
this way. Can't you see it's you who's running me.
Me?! Ha! You can't even walk right without me telling you how to. I taught
you everything you know. Without me you're nothing. If you wanna change,
girl you gotta work with me. Not without me. Without me you'll be nothing.
You'll screw up and be like shit. You think you know everything there is to
know huh? Well think again. Who was there talking to you and comforting you
when you cried, who was there to tell you that there is danger approaching,
who was the one who patiently walked you through your problems and guide you
out? Huh? Huh? Me! Me!
I hate you! All you do is judge me! You never cared for me! You were always
trying to be this goody-two shoe. You make me look like a fool in front of
people. You want to take over me. You want me to become you. You know I
don't want that. I want to be myself. I can learn to walk right without you.
I can have others to teach me how. I don't need you. I can call someone
else. Besides...I like being alone. You're the one always wanting to be
around people. You know people scare me. But this year I'm gonna change.
Promise. I'll get to know people better. People will see me. I won't yell
and shout anymore and drive anyone away. I won't have you telling me what
to do. Because...you'll be gone.
-=Thu Huong Nguyen=-
/ \
/ aka \
/ \
/ -=FyFy=- \
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #177 -- written by FyFy -- 1/4/98 *