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___ ___ ___
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #171
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "The Hanson Scourge" <<
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / by -> DeusVitae
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t oink you, sucker.
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y
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A theory has come to light concerning the growth of Hanson and the
secret plan to undermine the nation using their music.
First, Hanson is a modern alternative band comprising of three
"old-boy" brothers that have extremely high voices and look like women.
This fits well with the government's latest plan.
The Government has decided that there are too few people in insane
asylums and that those institutions are no longer profitable. So, they have
bought out Hanson to serve their evil purposes.
Their plan is to add high frequency waves to the Hanson songs in
order to drive Americans mad. This is not difficult to do, ans Hanson
already sings at a gender-questioning pitch. The only problem was that
their songs needed air time...
The Government, cruel as it is, devised a successful scheme to get
their songs air time. Reliable sources have proven that the food consumed
by middle school students all over the nation has been tainted with
radioactive estrogen, therefore driving all the middle schools who fall prey
to it into Hanson-loving fits, and so they ask to hear it on the radio.
And, since the only songs people easily memorize are those they hate,
everyone knows and sings Hanson.
Their plan has been successful. The number of people being
institutionalized has risen 200% over the past few months. Don't let this
happen to you: I advise you all to immediately submit yourselves to
anti-Hanson brainwashing and quarantines, so that the wicked Government does
not defeat us.
- Sources to remain confidential. Have a good day.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #171 -- written by DeusVitae -- 12/30/97 *