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>> "2599 Unlimited" <<
by -> 2599
(which basically includes Murmur, Mogel, Jamesy, Vanir,
Tao, and for some unknown reason Graywolf)
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Now it is time to expose the plot.
In 1747, the mystical treasure of the pirate Stanislaususus was lost at sea.
A map was recovered in 1818. It was burned. A small child found the
treasure in 1979. How is unimportant. Indiana is the setting. It is
stolen from the museum in upstate New York. I have it. No, I don't.
Anyway, there is enough destru
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my brakes don't work. I have my mom's car now. It has a neat thing that
unlocks the doors by itself. I almost died on the way home from school
because I couldn't stop. It was neat.
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i used to wonder a long time ago why all the really good video games had
nothing to do with sex. then i figured it out. it's because sex games are
really boring. then i played "type o negative: the fighting edition". And I
wasn't surprised to find out that when you played as Peter Steele, you
always won. And the question of who would win if two Peter Steele's fought
is irrelevant. Nobody would be so stupid as to program a game in which that
question would be answered, because everybody knows there's only room enough
for one Peter Steele. That game's really not about sex.
---
i like to watch the goth people who wander by, all sullen and depressed. and
i like to ask them, "hey, what's your problem, mister?" "are you all dead
inside?" "paper or plastic?" "do you like to eat chicken?" And finally, when
they're at my throat, thirsting for the sight of my blood frothing forth
from my jugular so they can do that blood drinky thing some of them do or
maybe not if they're not that kind of goth, i like to remove their hands
gently from my throat and say, "hey hey now you've got something to live
for". most of them still don't know what the hell i'm talking about.
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little johnny was used to getting his way. ever since he was little, his
mother could never get him to do anything she wanted, and he'd always throw
a temper tantrum, even into his early teens. his mother tried bribing him
with everything she could think of: toys, food, money, and she was even
contemplating drugs because she was a really bad mother and had connections
most mothers don't. but anyway, one day they were at the mall and johnny's
mom wanted him very badly not to hit the little children as they walked by
and he wouldn't and would cry and then draw his arm back powerfully before
delivering a crushing blow to the skull of yet another child, relishing the
"thwap" noise of his fist striking their delicate cranium, and then crying
and whining so his mother would finally shut the fuck up. and then he was
about to do it again, much to the disdain of his mother, who tried again and
again to get him to stop because she was anal, and then they heard the
deepest, most melodious voice either of them had ever heard. and johnny, for
the first time in his life, said "ok mom". and kept on walking. and finally
johnny's mom had found something to bribe johnny with. from then on, when
johnny's mom wanted Johnny to do something, she'd just pop in a type o tape
in this cheesy walkman, and put headphones on johnny. it's a good thing
johnny was too stupid to get a job and buy a walkman and a type o tape he
could use for himself or else his mom would really have been fucked.
---
i still insist that black francis is going to hell. the past year's events
have reassured me, at least, that he won't be lonely.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #160 -- written by 2599 -- 12/17/97 *