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| |* *\\ Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present://* *| |
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| |* *\\ "Searching" //* *| |
| |* *\\ || //* By: Abigwar *| |
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|This issue suspended from mid-air!|
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It all started a while back. September of '94 I believe. Yes, That seems
about right. A few weeks into the new school year. Ahh.. Now I know that
is right.. The memories burn firmly. It was a thursday, the date slips my
mind. Somewhere around 15 or 20.
I came home that day, Just like I would any other day. I did my usual
stuff, just like normal. But it was that night. I may never forget that
dreadful, yet, intriguing night. I had fallen asleep. It was about, oh, 2am.
Then, as I lay their, I jerked to awakeness. The time, the clock, the
watch.. It all was illegible.
A red light illuminated my room. It shined on the ceiling where I noticed
it. I got out of bed, put on my boxers, and walked to the window. I had
just figured it to be break light from my neighbor. A late night cigarette
run I imagined.
As I approached the window, the light shut off. I looked down, I looked
left and right, and no car, no light, no people were to be found. Sure
it was dark out, But the street lamp right down the little avenue wasn't
there for nothing. I looked about some more, yet no sign of life. After
what seemed to be minutes, a car passed, way down the hill on the highway.
I felt feeble and weak, so I returned to my makeshift bed of a sleeping
bag.
I attempted to go to sleep. I tossed and turned, and soon, I fell back
into my temporary coma. Then, More sudden than last time, I jerked upright.
Another light, This time, Shown on my wall. I stared at it, and it looked
like letters. Letters that I couldn't read. English, but they didn't
register into my mind. The red light was enough for one night.
I turned to look out the window. Nothing. Darkness. Not even the lamp
that had shown before was lit up now. I knew it was late. My mind couldn't
read the clock. I sat, and sat.. Finally, I laid down.
I stared at my wall, waiting in anticipation. I looked, and looked.
Watched. The wall stayed normal. Then, Just like the last, The mystical
three lines of unreadable shit appeared again. The letters where wavy.
Three lines long. Each line the same length. I can't recall if they all
looked the same. They where about, a foot, no, maybe 2 feet long.
Sparing but a second, I jumped up and looked out the window. A light shown
bright at about 2 o'clock. It shined on me for all over 30 seconds, and then
quickly disappeared. It didn't fade, Just stop showing. I looked. About 40
feet from the where the light was radiating was another reddish-yellowish
block in the trees. I think it was a window, with the light in it on.
Strangely as I stared passed the deep darkness, it looked as though it was
waving. Like a flag on a poll, but instead of left to right, down to up.
It waved and waved. Then, The light. It came back. In fear I looked down
at my chest. It was lit up just as the wall before. I had no idea what to
think.
The words, They where so illegible. They sat there. Not steady, separated
into three lines. It turned off again. I laughed as though it was nothing,
and went back to my bed. I laid there, Wide awake, yet with my eyes clenched
tightly shut. Wishing it all away.
This kind of stuff under any normal circumstances would have intrigued me.
I would have laced up my boots, and went looking for the trouble. But I was
stuck. Stuck to my pillow like a coward. Clenching my eyes, as tight as my
fists. I opened my eyes. The red light was gone. The words, gone. I looked
out the window. Pitch black, except for a street light way past where the
other light was emanating.
I read the time. 4:53am. "Sleep", I thought, "I must sleep!". I turned on
music. Nice, hard, fast, music. And I laid back to rest.
Like a pattern, I woke yet again. I looked for lights. I looked for the
familuar foreign red. I looked for the gloomy words. I looked but I didn't
see. My tape that I was playing was half way done. I figured I had about 23
minutes of sleep, figuring it from the tapes position.
I saw a circle. A small one. Not a circle, a loop. Like the type Sonic
would jump through for bonus points. There was a bigger one behind it. The
small one went through the big ones hole, then it expanded. The big one
shrunk, and went through the newer big one. This continued until I closed
my eyes and opened them again.
Blinking again, and to my surprise a giant mushroom was in front of me.
Now, normally, as you would imagine a 'shroom will not surprise me. But
this, this was a mega-shroom. And not only was it a mega-shroom, It was like
none I have ever seen. It didn't appear to be from the Psylicbe family. It
didn't appear to be the Fly Agric. It just was a colorful shroom.
It was tall, Maybe five feet. Every thing behind it looked fuzzy. I tried
to look to the sides of it, but my eyes wouldn't listen. I tried to blink
but they would not. I looked up. I looked down. My head would not move. My
eyes would not move. I just stared at the shroom. The only way my eyes would
move was up and down, the length of the mushroom. It was grey. It had big
red spots, and a purple tint to the stem.
Eyes where set into the cap, both of the eyes where on red spots. It had
no arms. No mouth. No ears. No legs. Nothing. It spoke, and yet nothing
moved. I heard what it said. I know. I talked back. No fear struck my heart
this time. No feelings at all. I was numb.
"You must find a gorgeous young teenager."
"That's easy"
"No, Wait. There is more."
"Figures"
"She is of female sex. She is 15. A grade of school, 1 less than yourself"
"That can't be it"
"She has shoulder length blonde hair, and wears a black trench coat."
"Really?"
"She goes to your school"
"Hmm, Ok. Is that it? Just find her? You have to be kidding me."
"Ha, No, I jest not. You must touch her trench coat. By sunday. You MUST
have her permission."
"Yeah, Ok Mr. Shroom-dude, Smoke another one."
"Pardon me?"
"Nothing"
Now, At this point, I was mentally smashed. I had no idea what to do.
I asked it,
"Why must I do this?"
"Because she will help you find what you are looking for."
"'SHROOMVILLE!?"
"No."
"A NEW FREEDOM!?"
"No."
"THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE!?"
"No!", it said, getting a little angry.
"The meaning of **MY** existence?"
"No."
"The truth about the transition from reality to my false world of
euphoric, esoteric, anti-existence?"
"WHA..", Catching its temper, "No."
"What then????"
"You will find out. There is so much I would like to tell you, But I
can't"
And with that it faded...
|-=------------------------------------------------------------=-|
| We briefly interrupt this t-file to bring you these words that |
| have no nutritional value, no use, and no electric kool-aid! |
|-=------------------------------------------------------------=-|
....And so I went to back to sleep. I woke up that morning, Not feeling
tired, But rather refreshed. "Today...", I hoped, "..Today I must finish
the mission I started early this morning!" Noticing I was talking to a
mirror, I got dressed and continued thinking.
"If I find her, and touch the jacket today, then I will find out what
this is all about even quicker than expected." I wondered in anticipation
of what lay ahead for this day. I was now dressed. I brushed my teeth and
grabbed my bag. Oh, I took a piss somewhere along between grabbing my bag
and waking up. I just thought that MIGHT be important some how.
All I could think about was what she would help me find. I look back now,
and I can see why I never figured it out. The bus came, And left with me on
it. At school we hackie-sacked in the cafeteria waiting for the cursed bell
to ring. I kept my eyes open and looking for this girl as much as I could.
I even got hit in the head a few times with the hack. But what else is new?
I scanned the big room. Scum, Dirt, Dirt, Sped, Retard, Jock, Dirt, Loser,
Lisa, James, Chris, Kristen, Dirt, scum, Dickhead administer... After a
short time I started getting discouraged.
I looked on. I saw many people, But no blonde with a trench coat. The all-
-so-feared bell rang. Off to first period. Gym to be exact. It was then that
I learned that it might be the day to find her after all. While talking to
some of my friends in gym, I realized that it was Friday. Not JUST Friday,
but the Friday which is only a half-day and the friday that we have a big
school wide picnic/party type think out on the football, baseball and soccer
fields.
Lunch rolled around. A lot of my friends gathered around me as we waited
in line to get our 'Picnic' food. Then two or three people in front of me,
was a striking blonde with shoulder length hair. I pushed one of them out of
my way. She stood about 5'5" or 5'6". She had a trench coat down to her
shins.
I considered going up to her, and explaining the whole deal. Then I re-
considered. Maybe it would be better if she somehow noticed me first, it may
make her less startled. I knew it most defiantly was not the time to act.
My friend Pat hit me to get my attention.
"<Insert Real Name Here>, Abigwar, are you bugging out? You haven't moved
in like 2 minutes. You ok man???"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."
He gave me his typical "I'm so stoked and blitzed that if I smoke another
dooby my head will explode" type of look. That was ok. Every one else just
kept on talking about the usual. You know, Drugs, Beer, Woman, Men, Parties,
fights, skinheads, hate of jocks and the like. The line moved. A shock in
itself. It seemed my eyes were on a warpath, and she was the locked target.
After we practically wrestled an alligator to get to the food, we were
out of line, and ready to head out to the school wide picnic. As my friends
tried going one way, I kind of urged them the other. I think back and
realized they must have known to some extent what I was up to.
I kept my distance from her one of her other friends, yet I stayed in
close pursuit. Out on the fields, there were two games of football.
Sophomores V. Freshmen on the upper field and Juniors V. Seniors on the
lower one. Luckily the two girls chose to go up the upper half, which my
group traditionally inhabits anyway.
I thought of many different ways to 'break the ice' so to speak, Even
considered picking a joke fight with my friend, right in front of her. Now
I knew I had a reputation for being really fucking goofy and doing the
strangest things to attract laughs. I can't help it, and neither can the
other skins there. Its in our blood. So naturally, that would be too
serious.
My brain started to hurt, and I was sick of eating the shit they called
food, and naturally my sheep, err, friends, were too. So we decided to hack.
I was doing real good, (like usual <g>) well, good in comparison to the
wankers who hack in my school, and I decided to try my luck with a jumping
jester. For those of you who are lost right now, its where you jump up and
kick it with the foot behind you. Brad set me up, It was a good throw.
Perfect height, Nice speed, it was just right.
I jumped up. Kicked, CONNECTED! The hack flew back into the circle. As
I was gloriously floating in the air, I noticed that gravity, does infact,
work. I hit the ground, and got hit in the face with a nice thick boot of
my friend Jay who confused my head for a hackysack. I flew backwards, and
landed about two inches from the girl. I looked up in amazement, and she
just sat their smiling. I got up and walked back to the circle (A whopping
2 feet) and pretended as though I never locked my eyes with hers and I
never saw her at all. I figured she wouldn't notice I was staring into her
pretty eyes.
I hit Jay and he stumbled back. He hit me in the arm and I stumbled back.
And like usual, that was the end of it. I stood there, while they hacked
and assessed what I saw. Pale skin.. Blond hair.. Glazed / Bloodshot eyes,
I didn't notice the color. She smelled a little of weed, and a little of
bananas-berry MadDog. She wasn't thin, She wasn't fat. Probably weighed
about 125-135 pounds, But that was good. I never liked really thin or
really fat girls. She looked about 16, but I later found out she really
was 15.
I Couldn't tell much about her personality. I knew she had a sense of
humor, that seemed some what suppressed. It was obvious because of her
small little grin she had when I landed on her feet. She was always real
quiet that day, and every day I saw her afterwards for that matter. I
remember thinking she looked like the shy type.
Later, Oh about, 15 minutes later, We were on the move like Nomads again.
We always moved around, and for our gang to not be moving around like a
jelly fish would be suspicious. So we walked, looking for fun and trouble.
Just the right mix. About 60fun/40trouble is a good ratio. Of course I
watched her as much as I could. Then, We started vegetating down between
the lower and upper fields, where everyone migrating between the two has to
go.
I noticed her on her way down the hill, so I thought as quick as I could.
I figured the direct approach would be the easiest for me, and the funniest
for her. I ran up to her, and asked if I could touch her trench, and of
course she asked "Why" just like I had planned.
I explained about the 'shroom telling me that I had a mission to touch a
trench coat before the cursed weekend. I didn't mention anything about
being guided and all that happy bullocks. After giggling and shit, she said
she didn't care. I stood there. I stared into her eyes. Then slightly
hesitantly I poked her in the arm. She smiled. I stood for millisecond and
Jay tackled me from the side, got up and ran away, with me chasing right
after him.
After beating each other down, a teacher broke our little fight apart.
It seems skins are always fighting with each other just for the fuck of
it. It may add some bruises, but it adds just that much practice that
could mean victory in a fight. Anyway, I looked behind me, The blond and
her friend were no where to be found. Most of the people had now made the
migration back into school, where they would be tortured, abused, and
mentally raped, with out even knowing whats happening.
I saw her in school a few more times that day. I just smiled at her. I
went home that day, Hoping for the 'shroom to come back. I tried to sleep
but it just wouldn't happen. The 'shroom wouldn't come if I was awake, I was
sure of it. Finally I got to sleep. I woke up the next morning, and had a
shock. It was morning, and the 'shroom had never came.
I figured maybe it would come back on Sunday, the deadline for my mission.
I hoped. Every day, I would think about her. I did everything I could to
learn everything I could about her. I learned her name, age, town she lived
in. I learned everything I could.
I watched her, All the time. Not like a pervert. Just when ever she was
around me, I made time to see her. I thought about the 'shroom, and what
it was all about. I thought it may have had been one big dream. I thought
maybe I need to figure this one out on my own. And so I did.
I thought that maybe the trench coat was a hint on how to hit on her. I
considered all kinds of stuff for so long. And then, Recently, at a school
dance I saw her again. She was all by her self, sitting alone with no one
around her. I went up to her and tried to talk, but I was loosing my voice
from all the screaming, Not to mention the load of loud annoying rap.
She looked great, I can't remember most of that night, but I remember
being stunned by how great she looked. After awhile I gave her my number,
and she promised to call me. She called me about a week after the dance.
That was about three weeks ago now.
We didn't talk about to much. When she calls, she is really quiet. Then
once she starts being more talkative she has to go because her mom comes
home, and she's not supposed to be on the phone so late. She is really
nice, and really pretty. She is a little short, and a little over weight.
Not fat, just over weight. And it is great that we are friends. I would
love a relationship, but I don't know what she thinks.
As for the 'shroom.. I still wonder what that was all about. And when
I think I figure it out, my mind always changes. I stop and think maybe
she and him guided me to independence. Some day I may learn what it all
means, but the only thing that burns in my mind is maybe I'm not done
yet... Maybe I will never be done.
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Copyright (c) 1994 HoE Publications and Abigwar. #49 --> 02/04/95
All rights Reserved.