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Hey there are ______ ______ ______________ 1-800-WoM-BaTs!
starving wombats| | | | \ abigwar was | Call now, Before
in Austrila call \ / \ / ____ \ here ______| it's too late.
now and donate 3 | |________| | / \ | |____ Wombats are very
golden dunkets! | ________ | ( {} ) | _____) endangered dammit!
/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / and here | ~~~~~~~~~| |
| | |______| |______| /____too______| | |
| | | |
| | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
| | | |
| | "Poetic Terrorist 2" | |
| | "The Return of our hero in two new action packed stories!" | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | By: Abigwar [BGR] | |
| | 11/20/94 | |
| | | |
\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /mG
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/ _____________________________/\_______________________________ \
| | "Tie-Die Yard, And the Wombat of power!" | |
| |_____________________________/\_______________________________| |
\_______________________________/\_________________________________/
mG
It was a dreary night, the rain that tinkled down, it seemed endless.
A little breeze could be heard whistling through the trees, and close in the
nights dark distance, Xavier heard what sounded to be the cry's of a hurt
dog. It was quite strange, hearing dogs out side the mayor's house...
Especially hurt ones, he thought. Then it hit him. Ever since those two
times the terrorist had struck, the mayor had her security raised. They
must have hired dogs in the past last few days.
Xavier took his gun belt off of the small rack that was designed for
keys that said "A hanging key, is not a lost key!" on it. He straped his
weapon around his waist and reached for his hat which was also hanging on
the suprisingly strong little rack. Opening the guard house door, he stepped
into the drizzle, and locked the door behind him.
After a while of searching through the thick fog and rain
combination with his flashlight (whose batteries were dying to make matters
worse), he managed to find the dog. It was lying in a puddle of mud, but it
was no longer squealing, as though it was dead. Xavier checked to see if the
greasy dog was breathing, and found not only the dog was alive, but there
was a dart sticking out of the German sheperd's side.
Like a true hero, Xavier picked up the slippery, large dog and
carried it to the nearest guard house where a part time veterinarian was
working half shifts as a security guard.
Little did they know that, as the dog was being rescued, they left a
wide open breach in security. Out came a masked man, instantly reconized as
being our hero from the last of this mini-series, the Poetic Terrorist. To
make this story a little easier for the poor, exhausted author (A-BuG-WaR),
to write, We have decided to give the /<h00l dude a name, Tome Jour.
Remember it's French so the J is silent.
Tome carefully and rather quickly scaled the moss covered slippery
wet wall. Once at the top, he twisted in all funny directions to get around
the electric barbed wire fence on top of the old wall.
He darted across the front lawn after jumping off the wall and
landing in the mud. He made it to the front of the house, successfuly
avoiding the paranoid spotlight opereator's beam.
He took a few cans of acrylic paint out of his black duffle bag. He
painted the whole front door with pink paint. Then used a silent blow dryer
operating off a battery pack to dry the paint! (Made specificly for
terrorists you know) Next he painted a burgendy diagnol stripe down the
length of the door. Bright florecent green pokadots finished the
masterpeice.
Next he gathered all the paint cans and ran out to the middle of
the yard. He set up the paint cans in a circle, with a can of bleach in the
middle. Next he took a rather large block of Plastique in the form of a
shaped charge pointed upword and outword in a 45 degree angled radias in
all directions. He rapidly dug a hole with his collapsable army spade from
WWII and placed the bomb level to the ground.
He raranged the circle again, but this time around the bomb, on top
of the centred bomb he placed the bleach can. He opened the lids with a
knife, as fast as he could, and pressed the little red button. A green
light started to flash, but was repressed by the bleach can.
All of a sudden as he started to stand up, the spot light came on
again...the spoltlight operator must have been done changing shifts. The
light moved around the field and then it spotted Tome. Tome ran towards the
wall as dogs came running from his right, followed by two men.
From the left came a poor defenseless wombat which had escaped from
the local zoo. The wombat jumped into Tome's duffle bag which he carelessly
left wide open. He swung the bag over his shoulder, and made a leep at the
wall.
He started to climb, but slipped. He fell to the ground. The wombat
made a squeel as it hit the ground next to Tome! The dogs were getting
closer. Tome reached for a little black remote control to a remote controled
car. He pressed the on switch, and a blue light turned on. He pushed the
lever in the forward direction and covered his head.
A large explosion echoed through the dense, wet air. Paint was
splashed in all directions, forming a tie-dye pattern for about 50 feet in
all directions. See the Gif included if you do not get the idea.
The dogs and the guard that were in persuit became stunned temporily.
The wombat then squaked and handed Tome Jour a red and black pill, that
said "Don't eat me!". Confused, Tome chewed and swollowed the pill.
Suddenly, Tome shrunk to about 6 inches tall, and found a hole that he
could manage to strugle through.
Once on the other side of the wall, the wombat handed him another
pill, and a white sheet, with a picture of a wombat on it, that said "Do
not put me under your tounge, don't save me for later." Tome took the pill
and placed the white sheet in a plastic bag, and put it into his jacket
pocket.
He started the long run home, through the now pouring rain. With his
new pet wombat hanging at his side. The next morning, Tome, sat watching the
12pm News on chanel 59 like usual. A helicopter buzzed around the mansion
showing pictures of the mayors yard.
It looked like This: (see YARD.GiF)
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/ _____________________________/\_______________________________ \
| | "The Wombat's /<-/~ad idea!" | |
| |_____________________________/\_______________________________| |
\_______________________________/\_________________________________/
mG
It was the day after, the police were one step away from catching
the "tye-dye vandalist" as the media has named it. Wheather or not they
really were on to Tome was another story. The wombat suggested that they
were only trying to get him paranoid so he would turn himself in.
"'I don't have a clue how the vandal got in! I was keeping a watch
the whole time. No one ever came through my area last night.'
...Said Xavier, the watchmen who was on guard near where the artwork was.
Well, you saw it here first folks, Channel 59 news... Where everything
is bullshit, and the media tells you lies. Have a nice day..."
There was another flash of lightning, and the thunder rang out.
"...From the Channel 59 weather forcast station, Its a lovely day. Absolutly
NO chance of rain."
Damn media, When will they get something straight. Tome got out the bag
wommy had given him last night. He pulled out the wombat tabs, and ripped
them in half. He gave half to the wombat who stuck them under his tounge.
Tome did the same. After about 45 minutes, Wommie turned to Tome and said,
"Lets go on a TRIP."
After dodging the flying blue elephant, Tome decided that they
should go to Austrailia, and look for wommy's family. Wommie got all
depressed, until a tree fell out side the window, and wommie saw it out of
the cornor of his eye. He jumped to his four feet, and ran to the window as
fast as his little paws would carry him. "Did ya see that!" he asked
excitedly! The trails on the tree said we need to go to Africa.
Tome pulled out his wallet and found 3 french fries. Using
imagination power, he turned them into 1 1/2 airplane tickets. The half was
for a wombat. The airplane company figured that since it is not a human, the
ticket should be half price. But since the ticket is half price, it is only
half a ticket.
As they when past the drug dog, he barked alot. Tome said it was
just because of wommie, and they let him pass.
[To be continued...]
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Skinheads are the best, bollocks to the rest!
Abigwar
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Copyright (c) 1994 HoE Publications and Abigwar. #30 --> 11/27/94
All rights nuked by devil dogs.