💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › DDE › dde29.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 11:21:54.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
: :::. : ____,
In Memory, : :: : : |_ _; Karl Marx
,~~ : :::'istorted : `|| says:
--)( : :::. :::: : || "Aufheben!"
()= : :: :igital ::. rection : []
HOOKAH! : :::' :::: :
: :
27 April 1994 : Text File #29 Mongoloid Telecom
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The Cult of Sid
---------------
By: Spirit of Entropy/Elminster
This text file may seem rather odd to you at first. As you read it,
however, you'll realize how much it makes sense .. and how it can impact in a
positive way on your life!
I have been involved in learning about the different religions of the world
for several years. I particularly enjoy learning about the pre-xtian pagan
religions of the world. One day, while contemplating the complexities of the
universe ... I had a revelation. It's all so simple! God, the creeator of the
universe, the one and only god... is a monkey! That's right. God is a cute,
brown, small brown monkey named Sid. Sid lives in a celestial plane, its
focal point being a huge bananna tree on which Sid chooses to spend his time.
As I continued to marvel at my discovery, I believe Sid gave me the gift of
knowledge. He told me who he was, what he believed, and most importantly ...
the secret of life!
Sid is a friendly, loving, compassionate being. He doesn't want to hurt
anyone or control them. He doesn't get angry. He doesn't get jealous.
Sometimes, people make him sad by doing mean things. Most of the time though,
he's in a pretty decent mood. Sid created the universe because he wanted other
beings to have fun with. Some of the beings were nice, and had fun playing
with Sid. Other beings were selfish, and were jealous that Sid was so popular
and powerful. One of these beings turned to evil, and became the anti-Sid.
This being and the rest of the resentful beings decided to attack Sid. Well,
it didn't work. He just made them go to another place he created just for
them. The other beings told Sid that they would like other people to play
with. So, Sid created the universe and the earth and all of the other planets.
The primates were his creations, and he played with them. The anti-Sid though,
was looking for trouble. He taught them to make weapons and hurt each other.
Sid gave the primates the ability to reason and make their own decisions .. so
some of them could figure out how stupid they were being.
Anyway, the end result is us. We know how to have fun and be nice to other
people. The anti-Sid is always around trying to stir-up trouble as usual
though.
When a person discovers the secret purpose of life - to enjoy it, to learn,
and to be nice to other people, Sid takes them to Sidland when they die. They
hang with him, and just enjoy the rest of eternity. Sometimes, he gives them
planets to take care of and whatnot. People who are mean, violent, or
otherwise fuck up your life .. well ... they get reincarnated until they can
figure things out.
The holy symbol of Sid is the bananna. Anyone can be a priest of Sid, as
long as you ask nicely. If you mess up, you always get another chance. Eating
banannas can bring a follower special blessing. If someone doesn't believe in
Sid, he doesn't mind. Anyone can receive Sid's blessing, as long as they're
nice people ... no matter what they believe or who they are.
May you be blessed with potassium goodness!
-=* Spirit of Entropy/Elminster ... Prophet of Sid.
`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
Distorted Digital Erection
An AUFHEBEN Production! Support Boards: Tyrant: Number:
"Why, I don't know much of The Necropolis .. DDE WHQ!.. 216.PRI.VATE
anything!" -Eraserhead Radio KAOS ... Moonshadow .. 216.830.4657
The Sewers ... Aligator King 513.229.1965
_Submission Policy_: Distorted Digital Erection LOVES to get subs!
If you write something - anything - send it to us and we'll get it
to press. For contacting DDE, see below.
CHECK for MORE Distorted Digital Erection in the NEAR future!
Want to be a support board for DDE? Download ALL the DDE's,
create a file sig on your board, and let me know. Your BBS will
be listed. TO CONTACT US: Send e-mail to Amphetamine Gobbler
on Radio KAOS, or send Internet mail to aufheben@aol.com
`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
-eof-