💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › BADSECTOR › bs0594t.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 10:25:56.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
c:\186to586.exe
Bad Sector(s) on disk C:\
Sector(s) Not found
(A)bort (R)etry (G)et a real computer.
Datawaste Productions
Is
Proud to Present:
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????BAD SECTOR?????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????IN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE!?????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????ISSUE IV VOLUME I SERIES I?????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
A feeble attempt at humor vaguely related to anything
dealing with the online community.
STAFF
Editor in chief and
Man in the Angry Chair: Vince Lortho, Elric,
Vocus Sadri, Lord of Vabul
White Oppressor, Selectively
perceptive mental explorer.
Submitting Writers:
Carl Sagan
Anne Rice
Wesley Crusher
Shakespeare
My Mom.
Volume 0 May 1994 Number 0D
1 Blah, Blah
2 BAD SECTOR Successful.
3 Are you a GIF Freak?
4 Chat logs of a madman.
5 Day in the life...
6 top 10
7 taglines
8 credits
BAD SECTOR successful.
BAD SECTOR has been out for two months now and the success of
the mag is more than this author expected. Despite the two week delay
in the first issue for no apparent reason everything is going well.
This writer had to write or find all the articles because no one has
submitted anything.
A person known as Don Karnage (02/94; McDonald) submitted a story.
Don is also serving twelve years for flogging his parents to death
with two sticks of Beef jerky. This author had to write the other
articles with pseudonyms as to make it appear that all kinds of
authors and writers are submitting.
The first issue was slightly humorous. Having vowed to make each issue
funnier and funnier, this historian feels the second issue is quite
humorous.
The one problem that may face this magazine is possible copyright
infringement. Once and awhile a text file will come across my computer
that must be shown to the world. Having no legal knowledge or expertise
this writer feels that it's OK. If anyone read the second issue, one
will see a scoring article about the FBI and computer crime. There was
no copyright notice on the news article and believe that since the
numbers were so far off from reality that it may be considered fantasy
or fiction (see 03/94) or possibly written on another planet in a
galaxy
far, far away.
This Male Lesbian is going to make some changes around here. A
new reader format for instance and all sorts of little neatism's. A
flesch-reading ease score for every article and a Gunnings Fog index.
The grade level of each article will be displayed after each article
in the bottom left-foot corner.
A friend of this astronomer will be posting this magazine on
internet. Having no experience with internet or care this journalist
hopes that it increases the popualrity of the magazine.
This mag is a big hit in Belgium and a small villiage in Hungry. They
even translate it and put it in the paper. Two days later, however,
the villiage was hit by a freak typhoon. The people in belgium finally
figured out it was in english.
Note: The repeated references by this writer to himself as a third
person is to eliminate using "I" and because this researcher is insane.
Flesch Reading Ease: 72
Flesch-Kincaid Grade: 7
Gunnings Fog Index: 9
Are you a GIF Freak?
by Vince Lortho
Answer this questionnaire and determine if you are a GIF freak. If you are
viewing an X-rated GIF now then go to the end with a perfect score of 100.
Note: The use of GIF is symbolic of all images, Dead or Alive.
1. (10 Points) Do you have a special Hidden Directory for your GIF's?
A. Yes, I have a directory for each Letter in the alphabet. (10 Pts)
B. Yea, I have a hidden directory, Don't tell my mom! (7Pts)
C. I have a few GIFs but they are on floppy's. (5pts)
D. What's a directory? (0 pts- 0 IQ: go home and pet the dog.)
2. (15 points) When you D/L GIF's do you constantly run out of time?
A. No way. I payed 2000$ for an ISDN 65000 Blaster Modem and
An agreement with the sysop for constant 12 hour D/L. (15pts)
B. Nah, I bought a Cd-rom and have it on constant slide mode (10pts)
C. Yea, I type *.* at the D/l prompt and it hung up. (8 pts)
D. What's A GIF. I like it with Bread and tarts! (Get the gun)
3. (15 points) How many Megs of storage do you have for your GIF's?
A. I have a Tandy Color Computer. What's a MEG? (0 pts)
B. I have all my unlabeled floppies full and some of my HD full.(8pts)
C. I bought another HD for them. I luv dem pretty girles.(10 pts)
D. Hell, I bought a Bernoulli 1 Gig optical drive and
a Crey computer system with a direct power line to a nuclear
reactor. (15pts)
4. (20 points) What type of GIF's do you d/l?
A. I like GIF! It tastes good! (see Question 2 answer d)
B. Only ones with the word Must See! in it. (10pts)
C. I d/l a complete series. 00000001.GIF - 99999999.GIF. (15pts)
D. *.* (20 pts)
5. (20 pts) Do you have a life?
A. Yes, I'm a successful Business man with a Jaguar XLT (1pt)
B. Nah, I had a girlfriend once but I found out she was a
Barbee with no head. (10pts)
C. I stopped breathing in 1973 (15pts)
D. My name is PeeWee. (20pts)
6. (Bonus!) Check as many of these that apply! (5pts each)
1. I call LD to get those GIF's. I love them things.
2. I went into debt paying for adult access on the BBS's
3. I have GIF's and print them on my dot-matrix printer
and mail them as Christmas cards to my GIF support group.
4. I bought a bigger monitor so I could see it all at once.
5. I have every GIF ever made.
6. I like to take pictures of my Butt.(10 pts)
Summary of scores.
0: The minimum score is 0. If you don't have any then your exempt.
1-30: You are slightly disturbed. There may be hope yet. Delete them
all and go confess. You're not a pervert but a lonely person that
needs to get out more often. You have your Dads playboys under
your mattress.
31-50: You may be a pervert. There may be a history of GIF's in your
family. You have special times when you view them and even
have
a secret drive for them. You also have adult access on the
local Bible board.
51-115: You are beyond help. Keep on D/l'ing. Nothing can stop you.
You probably have a CD-ROM and sit real close to the monitor
and pretend your in there. Your Idea of a good time is a night
with the New "Big Booties" CD-rom.
Remember Choosey Perverts Chose GIF!
F.R.E.: 82
F.K.G.L.: 4
G.F.I.: 6
Chat Logs Of a Madman with a defective pager.
by Mark Spigman
CHAT LOG OPENED 031694 23:12
The Sysop is here
UH..DO YA HAVE THE FILE DASMEASD.ZIP and FAKSMDF1.gif and
SPHABSD2.ZIP
What? Did you them it on here?
UH, I DIDN'T SEE IT. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHERE IT WAS.
Its in the section called Hidden files.
UH, OK. I"LL LOOK AGAIN.
bye
/q
CHAT LOG CLOSED 031694 23:14
<<Pager off>>
CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 02:42
The Sysop is here.
Hi! I just wanted to tell you that I want adult access or higher access.
<<Four Minutes go by>>
Wgat tiem is it/
What? Are you ok?
fffffffffffffffddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddasdddd
ddddddddddddddddadsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssss....
NO CARRIER
CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 02:47
CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 04:23
The Sysop is here.
yea. I was checkin if you were there.
hello. is anyone over there. I see you. Come on. Hello!
You are a bad sysop. This place sucks. I hate your Board. You are lame. I
am calling the feds and telling them you have kiddie porn. Where are you.
Your mom said hi. I'm going to kick you ass if you don't answer.
djasfhkjdsadsjkfhasdjkfhdsajklfhadsjkfsdjkfdsajklfgd
I'm going to wait until you answer.
/page
/s
/exit
/x
Hey how do I get out of here?
/quit
quit
bye
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Fine i'll wait until you answer!
You are GAY! I'm Talking to the feds now. I have a capture of Your board
and you had SIMcity on here. I got a capture. Hold on I'm talking to Bruce
Williams of THE FBI. Your Busted.
fdsl;gkdl;fkgs'dgkds;'gk;'gkd;flgk;dslfgk'kgk'g;kg'kkgklfdgdsfgdsfg
gsdfg;kdjfglkdfjgfd;jglkfjdgskl;djfglkjdfl;gkjfdlgjlkgjsdlkfjglkdfjg
dfso;eirhuogfajgl;fhdsgj;dfhgjklshfdlslfdkgkldfjglkdsfjglkdjfgkldjf.
Hey man What are you doing?
You are a loser fag!
<<Time exceeded>> Logging off.
CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 05:53
CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 12:31
The Sysop is here.
YEA i JUST GOT MY COMPUTER AND MODER AND I DPNT KNOW
HOW TO USE THE COMPUTER AND MODER. HOW DO I USE IT.
Well, Do you have a book on computers. I really can't teach you computers
over the phone.
OH, OK. WHAT BOOK SHOULD I READ?
Any book on computer basics. I don't know any offhand but look at the
library or book store.
OK. WHAT DOES TERMINAL MEAN.
uh.. Terminal is what the program is called that you are using to connect
with me. Whats the name of your terminal?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS.
Ok. What does it say at the bottom of the screen. The words that don't
move.
UH. HOLD ON. OK HERE THEY ARE.
TERMINATE CONNECT 2400 YOUR BBS NAME 12:37PM
Ok. your using terminate. What you want to do is look around. I have to go
and check my mail. Leave me mail if you have anymore questions.
UH, OK. I'LL LOOK AROUND ON YOUR BBS. hOW MUCH TIME DO
I HAVE?
It says 42 minutes.
I NEED SOME HELP WITH DOWNLOADING.
Ok. Hold on.
<<Please hold>>
<<I'm Back>>
Ok. You have 4 hours today. go ahead and look around. I have a special
section for downloading. just type f at the prompt and it'll take you there.
OK THANKS. I CANT STAY TOO LONG. I'M CALLING LONG
DISTANCE AND I CAN'T STAY LONG.
Ok bye
/q
CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 12:48
CHAT LOG OPENED 031894 16:52
The Sysop is here.
Yea, My friend was on here earlier and he said you were messing with him.
Who are you and what are you talking about?
I'm Guardian. My friend is Slasher and he said you were ignoring him and
saying stuff to piss him off.
I don't know what your talking about.
Well He said he was going to call the feds and I'm going to help him. He
saw a copy of Simcity on Your BBS last week and he says that's illegal.
ANd Hes going to bust you. We captured it. You're busted.
Look, I have no idea who you are. I don't have simcity anymore. It was u/l
by someone who is no longer on this board and was deleted.
It doesn;t matter. Your busted. we have it captured. You're going down.
Ok, Send the feds in. I got some donuts. What was your freinds handle?
Slasher.
Ok hold on.
<<Please Hold>>
<<I'm Back>>
Slasher's not on this board. and neither are you.
/bye
+++ATH0
CHAT LOG CLOSED 031894 17:03
CHAT LOG OPENED 031894 20:28
The Sysop is here.
Yea, I would like adult access.
How old are you?
28 years old.
<<Hold On>>
<<I'm Back>>
According to your user info your 12.
no way I was born in 62'
That makes you 32.
Sorry I mean 1966.
Well I don't believe you one bit. You'll need to wait 6 years little boy.
You SUCK. I know someone who has millions of virus's and he'll u/l them
all.
Who?
He's a freind of mine. He'll get you good. The Bibles Den BBS gave me
adult access!
Whats your handle on there?
Its the same and I'll blacklist your BBS in our secret CIA net.
I can bust in the Credit Bureau and ruin your Credit cards and make you
life real bad. I can get into the FBI and make you a Madman. You are dead
man! No one messes with Immortal. I'll send you a floppy and you'll run
it and it'll blow up your monitor. I'll Kick You but!
I'm already a Madman. I'm a Sysop.
/bye
NO CARRIER
CHAT LOG CLOSED 031894 20:34
<<pager off>>
There is no Grammar scores or spell checking because, well, Grammatik
had a CPU attack and had to be difloppulated back to life.
A day in the life of a Government agent.
By Vince Lortho
6:30 am -Wake up. Find out wife and kids have moved out again.
6:45 am -Get out of shower. Dry off gun. Get dressed in standard black
suit. Check death threats on the Answer machine. Turn off
all 6 six alarms (Infrared, Sonic, Heat, laser, magnetic,
The club.
7:15 am -Disarm bomb in the refrigerator. Receive call from nut down
the street that thinks you killed JFK.
8:00 am -Find suitcase, Cellular phone, and three concealed guns, head to
work.
8:15 am -Get pulled over by anxious cop for going 90 in a 45. Pull out
badge, threaten cops job.
9:00 am -Arrive at work. Go through standard Retina Scans, Voice scan,
DNA scan, Aura scan, Decoder ring.
9:30 am -Call UFO group- tell them that UFO's are going to attack planet
tomorrow and throw in a couple Fake Project names.
10:00am -Meet with Boss who you call Mr. Black. Get todays
workload.
10:30am -Call local pirate BBS. Download new Games.
10:45am -Take photographs of some rich guy playing golf.
11:30am -Have interview with Counterspy Magazine. Tell them that you
and Proforce team MAJIC12 killed JFK and MLK.
12:00pm -Have lunch with the guys who did kill JFK and MLK.
1:00 pm -Install wire taps in high rise apartment building.
Spend three hours listening to three way sex call.
4:00 pm -Find some normal inter-office memos and stamp
TOP SECRET on them. Black out all lines except the date
and "Project Privacy invasion" and leave in cab.
5:00 pm -Get home. Find out wife is back and taking all the furniture.
Disarm bombs left by your kids and listen to death threats on
the machine.
6:00 pm -Call nut down the street. Say some random date and hang up.
7:00 pm -Go on "Americas Most wanted" Pretend to take calls for an hour.
Pick up $500 check. Go home.
8:00 pm -Shoot Russian Assassin in closet. Write some disinformation
and go to sleep.
F.R.E. 70
G.F.I. 7
F.K.G.L. 5
Top 10 Most Frequently Recalled Fisher Price Toys
10. My First Machete
9. Fragile Glass Vial of Mercury
8. "Dad's Little Bartender"
7. Balsawood 2000: Bargain Pogo Stick
6. The Yugo
5. Grab the Cop's Gun: A Game of Skill
4. "My Tummy's a Pincushion" Kit
3. G.I. Joe Garagiola
2. "Now It's Too Hot!!" - The Hot Plate Game
1. The Hairiest Ken Doll Ever
Limit Congress to two terms: 1 on office and 1 in jail.
Scotty. hurry. beam me" uragg^*??M-^\ NO CARRIER.
A)bort R)etry G)et a gun and kill it.
All great truths began as blasphemies.
Animals -- the renewable resource
Beware of geeks bearing GIFs!
Choosy perverts choose GIF.
Democratic rule: "Confusion creates jobs."
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
ERROR 407: Program too idiotic.
Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you.
Gun Control is being able to hit your target.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
How many sex-restricted jobs require a penis or a vagina?
How do I set my laser printer to stun?
I'm from the government. I'm here to help you.
If it works; always tear it apart and find out why.
Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their SCUDS.
IRS: How much did you make last year? Please remit same.
LOTTERY: Just a tax on people who are bad at math.
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload on the move.
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex
REALITY.SYS corrupted -- Reboot UNIVERSE [Y,n]?
Save the plankton - eat a whale.
Tagline Lotto: ??????????<- Scratch here to reveal prize.
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
Windows: An answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
Our Official distribution sites:
Places I can be reached:
-=United States=-
INTERNET
Anonymous FTP site : ftp.erinet.com
/pub/badsectr/Bad_Sector : Bad Sector Magazines
/pub/badsectr/Patriot : OHIO Patriot Archives
Email and submissions:
(badsectr@erinet.com)
Anonymous:(an124909@anon.penet.fi)
--Ohio--
Scotts Place BBS
(513)236-9771 v.32bis 19.2 Acct: Vince Lortho
(513)237-9776 v.32bis 14.4 Note: Great BBS
(513)236-9786 v.32bis 19.2 4 CD's + 1.3 gigs
Sysop: Scott Brown
Fido: 1:110/615
------------------------------------------------------------------
Wolverines lair
(513)422-9652 USR HST DS 16.8 Acct: Bad Sector
Sysop: Peter Mengel Note: Renegade
Fido: 1:110/525 alpha site.
------------------------------------------------------------------
CCS
(513)424-2495 Boca 14.4 Acct: BAD SECTOR
Sysop: Paul Sink Note: My first BBS
Fido: <<No Fido>>
------------------------------------------------------------------
J&J's BBS
(513)233-0917 (5 lines) Acct: Bad Sector
Sysop: Joseph Caplinger & Joe Jr. Note: Great BBS
Fido: <<No Fido>> First Distro site!
2.3 gigs Total
------------------------------------------------------------------
Personal Payphone (513)743-9324 Ask for Piss Boy
If you give over $100.00 donations I will write a two page
Add-on how much of a great person you are and give you a floppy disk
Chock full o' Bad Sectors.
If Your BBS wants to be a distribution Site (I don't know why?) then
Email me on these fine BBS's above or try to hunt down my Phone #.
If you can get it I'll listen to ya. I only allow two BBS's in one area.
I may allow one more Dayton BBS but only if they give me Leech status on
their BBS. This magazine may be going onto the Internet. I not sure yet.
Also I may have a couple of Groupies in Penn. and Belgium. I really don't
expect this Mag to go this far. I have heard rumors that Aliens abducted
someone while reading this Mag and they have decided to invade. I contacted
Zeta Reticuli II and they told me that it was a hoax and relations with
the Democratic party are still intact.
Disclaimer:
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to
real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where
prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank
number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment.
Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not
use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be
paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to
sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for
some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For
recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age.
If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable
parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to
change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage
necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes
acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size
fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substaintial amount of
non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the
forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use
only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox.
Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will
not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing.
Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not
responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages
resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At
participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use.
See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do
not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
Your cancelled check is your recipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid
contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is
properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher
west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not
eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some
questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure
prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for
this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped
in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only
in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with
same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here
if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not
include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children.
Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No
solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise
specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before
digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned
in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record
additional transactions on back of previous stub.
This supersedes all previous notices.