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DYNAMIC UNIVERSAL INDUSTRIES
"We make advancements everywhere."
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: Mr. Daniel P. Staid
Board Chairman
Dynamic Universal Industries, Inc.
1234 Headlong Drive
Danbury, Connecticut
From: Benjamin "Ben" Jackson
Sales Trainee
Excelsior Staples
Office Applications Division
Fastening Systems Group
Dynamic Universal Industries,Inc.
Southern Midwest Office
1000 Commerce Circle
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Subject: Office Renovation
Date: October 10,1989
Dear Mr. Staid,
There is a recent condition here that I feel requires your
immediate attention. It seems that there may be a problem
with product compatibility.
Please allow me to preface this letter with a few general
comments.
I have been with the Excelsior Staples division for just
over three months. I feel that it is a fine little
company and I hope to be able to help it someday achieve
and maintain the distinction as Dynamic Universal
Industries' #1 profit maker.
I realize that you have never heard of me due to my short
tenure here. Yet please hear me out. I don't intend to
appear as one who complains but I have taken this up with
five increasingly higher levels of management and have on
every occasion been told, "Why don't you go tell the
Chairman of the Board?"
The issue at hand has to do with the results of a recent
office renovation here at Excelsior, performed from my
third through fifth weeks on the job.
First I must say that the workmen did an excellent job.
The new white ceiling tiles, manufactured by Dynamic
Universal Industries' Styrofoam Reproductions Division,
accent the existing lighting to its best advantage.
The new pine-printed paneling (Dynamic Universal
Industries Wood Simulations Division) on the interior
petitions adds a sense of dignity and is perfectly
accented by the fresh pastel paint (DUI's Interior
Chemicals Division) on the remaining cinder block walls.
This is all given a feeling of cheerful warmth by the
brightly colored Duralast (a new product of our Synthetic
Textiles Division) carpeting.
And the new restroom fittings (Industrial/Domestic Valve
Division), having been made from an advanced new material,
are the most modern and impressive I've seen. I'm certain
that this is now the most impressive sales office in
Oklahoma City, if not the entire Midwest.
I will describe my experiences to the best of my ability.
Please understand, this is not a quality complaint.
Having just completed Dynamic Universal's two-week course
on Statistical Process and Quality Control, Prediction,
and Assurance, I could not possibly doubt that our
quality-related documentation is nothing less than the
best of any in the world.
The new pastel paint that I referred to before seems to
have given off an unusual odor. Actually, many of the
office staff appear to have enjoyed it as they wandered
through the halls, smiling and talking to themselves in
hushed tones.
It wasn't until Mrs. Pennysworth, the Executive Secretary,
lit a cigarette that anyone began to suspect a problem.
She appears to have recovered completely now, thanks to
the wig.
We did our best to overlook this until the plastic veneer
on the new paneling began to bubble and peel off. Our
division being the Staple Supplier to the World, we
quickly fixed this on our own.
But when the ceiling tiles began to shrink and fall down
on us at unpredictable moments, there was nothing we could
do.
Yet the other problem is many times worse. You see, Mr.
Staid, the entire office was carpeted, including the
restrooms. The new carpet, although quite beautiful, has
an extreme tendency to `pick up' static electricity. I
was shocked into realization of this upon my first use of
the new urinal.
On the surface this would seem a small concern, but Mr.
Jack Stevens, our Regional Director of Sales, a fine man
with over thirty years of service, upon his first
experience had to be taken out by ambulance! As a result
of this and their own personal experiences, many of our
seasoned veterans are taking early retirement.
Not only will this hurt our long-term performance but it
has become a major distraction. I must tell you that I
have witnessed on more than one occasion some of our
younger salesmen take a running slide into the Mens' room!
As the nearest public restrooms are located in the Shell
station two blocks away, our secretaries are now absent
more than they are present. Frankly I'm lucky to have
gotten this memo typed at all.
Should you have the slightest doubt concerning any of
this, please honor us with a visit and see for yourself.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Ben Jackson
BJ: bj