💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › JOKES › non-tech.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:39:25.

View Raw

More Information

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICALLY INCLINED (Jack Clarey)
 ************************************************************

 I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into
 itself and for the life of them could not understand why their
 computer would not turn on.


 1st Person:  "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
 2nd Person:  "A little.  What's wrong?"
 1st Person:  "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say
 all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page.  I tried it again,
 and the same thing happened."
 2nd Person:  "How did you load the sheet?"
 1st Person:  "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone
 else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would
 open it and read it."


 I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  "Do
 you need some help?" I asked.  She replied, "I knew I should have
 replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker.  Now I can't get
 into my car.  Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience
 store) would have batteries for this?"  "Hmmm, I dunno.  Do you have
 an alarm, too?" I asked.  "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
 handing it and the car keys to me.  As I took the key and manually
 unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
 about the batteries . . . it's a long walk."


 Tech Support:  "What does the screen say now?"
 Person:        "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
 Tech Support:  "Well?"
 Person:        "How do I know when it's ready?"


 My friend called his insurance company to tell them to change his
 address from Texas to Vermont.  The woman who took the call asked
 where Vermont was.  As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said,
 "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"


 Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift.  One day
 he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
 typing paper.  What do I do?"  "Just use copier machine paper," she
 told him.  With that, the intern took the last remaining blank piece of
 paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank
 copies.


 This person had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard.
Unfortunately,
 the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it impossible to move
 the lamp while the cord was attached.  He decided to cut the cord,
 since the lamp was unusable anyway.  He didn't remember to unplug
 it first.  I found him in the hallway rolling back and forth.


 I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was
 towed into the garage.  The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
 repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra from the
 movie "Twister."  I asked the manager what had happened.  He told
 me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to
 make a sandwich.


 I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.  The person who
 answered said, "Bob is on vacation.  Would you like to hold?"


 I rented a movie from Blockbuster.  Before the movie begins a message
 comes on the screen saying, "This movie has been altered to fit
 your television screen."  Comment from person:  "How do they know
 what size screen I have?"