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From rww@demon.siemens.com Sat Sep 15 10:28:03 1990
From: rww@demon.siemens.com (Richard W West)
Subject: Re: Mommy, Mommy!
Summary: Here's what I got.. any others?
Keywords: Mommy, Mommy!
In article <1407@elle.nsc.com> frazer@dtg.nsc.com writes:
>Has anyone compiled all of these M-M jokes into one file? If so,
>could you send it to me?
>
This is all that I have. It appears that some people have a great distaste
for these jokes, but, considering that they are new to me, I think they're
kind of funny. Yes, I do know that these jokes are quite old.. but I'm not.
The Semi-Complete Canatonical List of Mommy, Mommy! Jokes
---------------------------------------------------------
son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sis!
mom: Shut up, and keep eating!
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.
son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?
mom: Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to go to England.
mom: Shut up and keep swimming.
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to see daddy again.
mom: Shut up and keep digging.
son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now!
mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today!
son: Mommy, Mommy, I'd like to play marbles now!
mom: Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glasseye today!
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like the crunchy stuff in my pea
soup!
mom: Keep quiet and eat what is on the table or do you think
I pour Grandpa's vomit through a sieve?
son: Mommy, Mommy, I wanted to lick the bowl this time.
mom: Shaddup and flush.
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play poker.
mom: Shaddup and deal.
son: Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..
mom: Shut up Albert....
son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like this spaghetti!
mom: Shutup or I'll rip the veins outta yer other arm!!!
son: Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.
mom: Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.
son: Mummy, Mummy, what's for dinner?
mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.
son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a big
head?
mom: Don't worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of
potatoes at the store.
son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a long
nose?
mom: You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the
floor.
son: Mommy, Mommy, what's a vampire?
mom: Shut up, kid, and drink your soup before it clots!
son: Mommy, Mommy, what's a werewolf?
mom: Shut up, kid, and go comb your face
son: Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
mom: Shut up and get back in the sack!
son: Mommy, Mommy, Why has daddy got his Knob in the bread
bin?
mom: Ignore him son, He's fucking crackers!
son: Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV and I can't?
mom: Shutup or I'll cut your ears off too!
son: Mommy, mommy, I don't want any more hamburger!
mom: Shut up and stick your arms back into the meat grinder.
son: Mummy, Mummy, I don't like grandma.
mom: Well leave her on the side of your plate then.
son: Mommy, Mommy, Auntie threw up and Sis is getting all of
the BIG pieces!
son: Mommy, Mommy, don't push to the elevator
shAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!
son: Mommy, Mommy, are you sure this is the right way to cook
Beijing Duck?"
mom: Shuddup and close the microvawe oven door behind you!
son: Mommy, mommy, what's a nymphomaniac?
mom: Shut up kid and help me get granny off the doorknob.
son: Mummy, mummy, what's an orgasm?
mom: I don't know dear, ask your father.
daughter: Daddy daddy what is queer?
dad: Shuddap and unhook my bra.
daughter: Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like
Daddy's between my legs?
mom: You will when you're older, dear!
Now, I know that this cannot be all of them, considering how some have grumped
about the age of these jokes. So, if anyone can think of any others, please
post them!
--
-Rich West Internet: rww@demon.siemens.com
Siemens Corporate Research and Development Laboratories in Princeton, NJ
Disclaimer: These opinions are mine. They may be yours; they may be
the company's. Then again, maybe not.