💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › JOKES › leper.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:37:29.
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Here is some truely tasteless information on lepers for nowhere else, but alt.tasteless.
Q: What do you call a leper in a Hot Tub??
A: STEW!!
Q: Why did they stop the leper hockey game??
A: There was a face off in the corner!
Q: Why did they stop the Poker game??
A: Someone threw in their hand!
Q: What did the leper say to the hooker??
A: Keep the tip!
Q: Why did they kick the leper out of the party??
A: The guests were using the back of his head as Cheese Dip!!
Starting off we have Leper movies:
It's A Wonderful Leper
The Leper of Oz ("I'll get you my Leper", "We're off to see the Leper..." and
of course "If I Only Had A Brain.."to name a few)
The Naked Leper 1/2
Dances With Leper's (Along with his endearing wolf, One Sock)
101 Lepers
Roboleper (Drop it, creep!)
Silence of the Lepers
The Sound of Lepers (The Hills Are...Alive?...)
Sleeping With The Leper
Pretty Leper (walking down the street, Pretty Leper, hey, aren't those -your-
feet?)
The Leper Mermaid (with her charming fish, Floundering..hehe)
Who's That Leper?
And my two personal favorites:
My Left Foot
Lord of the Flies
And you can't forget all the leper-based music available:
Leperfy My Love
Lepers In The Stream (that is what we are, oh, we have no feet, and we have no
arms, rot away with me til we're just some mold, with some flies on eachother
uh-huh...)
Leper's Just Wanna Have Fun (Feet?)
Leperousy (Oh Leperousy, I'm not the man I used to be, now my skin is falling
off of me, Oh I believe in Leperousy)
Like A Leper (limbless for the very first time...)
Leper Girl
For All The Lepers I Loved Before
She's Got Legs (and she knows how to lose 'em)
And in the spirit of the Holiday:
Silent Leper (,Holey Leper?)
Oh Leperousy, Oh Leperousy! (German is "Oh Phaleng Limms...I believe)
The Little Leper Boy (I gave my arm to him, Pa Rapa Pum-Pum...)
Oh Leper Town of Bethlahem
Deck The Halls (With Parts of Lepers Fa La La La La La La La La)
And I would like to plant the seeds of tastelessness, be it so ever slight, now
and a request for words to "The Twelve Days Of Xmas (My Leper Gave To Me..)
So sit back, write some lyrics, enjoy some Leper-Nog or a nice beer (as long as
it has a good head on it) and soak up the Holiday Cheer!
And last but not least, TV Programs (need to get cable):
Fresh Leper of Bel Air
Leave It To Leper
The Leper Bunch (also a wonderful prospect for the amateur song writer)
Lepardy
Jake and the Fat (not for long) Leper
I suppose food stuffs is also appropriate:
Guacaleper Dip
Spare Ribs (get it?)
Shepard's Pie
Kidney Pudding
Lepe-r (There's always room for L-E-P-E-R)
Rump Roast, Leg of Leper (w/ some nice mint jelly), Finger Sandwiches
Fastfood: Big Mack, Soft-Serve Vanilla Leper (with Jimmys('s?) on top)
Salad w/ 1000 Eye-Limbs dressing..mmm good..just like mom used to make for us..
..of us as a matter of fact!
and my favorite Leper Skins, cause they're made with leper's and skin that is
real..by the Keebler Lepers (go try and eat a bag of pork rinds now...taste bet
ter don't they?)
Shake 'n Bake (just imagine)
Favorite Sayings Of Lepers:
"I've got my eye on you!"
"Shake A Leg"
"Got To Get A Head In This World..or...If You Can Keep Your Head While All Othe
rs Are Losing Theirs)
?"Turn The Other Cheek'?
"He's Barely Got A Leg To Stand On"
"Let's Give Him A Hand"
"He Puts His Nose In Everyone Else's Business"
Seriously, though, lepers are useful, too.
Here are a few ideas:
Leper hand ashtray
Leper arm toilet brush
Leper foot door stop
Leper head bowling ball
Leper eyes marbles.....nay, too soft!
Leper ass pencil sharpner
Leper dick golf club
Leper head dip holder (Nah, their head is already bean dip !)
Leper foot door stop
Leper leg baseball bat (Nah, hit the ball and the leg would fall apart !)
Two Leper asses for end tables