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- --* Qmodem Session Capture File *--*
- --* Qmodem Capture File 12/09/88 15:21:36 *--*
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From: Leslie Simmons
To: All Msg #2, 04-Dec-88 00:36cst
Subject: poem
a man is not a man, until he makes one,and even then he's NOT
---
* Origin: Enterprise {Where No Man Has Woc'd Before} (Opus 1:150/401)
From: Londini
To: Sean Reifschneider Msg #3, 04-Dec-88 14:27cst
Subject: Re: Today's Smile
but all the fun is in offending and ethnic so a joke would be wasted if you
made fun of ethnics.
-
A rope walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. the bartender
said ,"are you a rope?" the rope answered yes and the bartender told him that
he would have to leave since they don't serve ropes in this bar. The rope
left and stood on the street outside. A second rope came up and started to go
in the bar. the first rope said don't go in!, they don't serve ropes in
there. the second rope said , "don't be ridiculous"! so he went in and
ordered a beer. the bartender askedif he was a rope. the rope answered yes
and the bartender said that he would have to leave cause they didn"t serve
ropes. the first rope said ,"see?". they were both standing there when a
third rope came along. the two ropes said,"You can't go in there!". "why
not?" asked the third rope. "Because they don't serve ropes in there." Watch
this said the third rope. he tied him self up in a knot and messed up the top
of himself and went in and ordered a beer. The bartender said, "Are you a
rope?" The rope answered, "Nope, I'm afraid not."
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: MIDI THRU BBS 301-384-0351. (1:109/755)
- ** There is a reply. See #126.
From: Londini
To: Julie Rhodes Msg #4, 04-Dec-88 14:47cst
Subject: Re: Unloading...
how many dead babies fit in a telephone booth?
.
.
.
.
1000, how do you get them out?
.
.
.
..
with a straw.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: MIDI THRU BBS 301-384-0351. (1:109/755)
From: Gregg Stanley
To: Gene Schoepp Msg #5, 04-Dec-88 19:08cst
Subject: Health
What is the difference between anal and oral thermometers?
The taste.
---
* Origin: Orac of CS/b (Opus 1:117/302)
From: Robert Ezell
To: Ron Sasson Msg #6, 04-Dec-88 22:11cst
Subject: Re: JOKE
Thats supposed to be "Eat at the 'Y'"...
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** There is a reply. See #39.
From: Robert Ezell
To: All Msg #7, 04-Dec-88 22:13cst
Subject: Oj
Q. Whats the nicest 4 letter word???
A. "OOOH"!!!!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** There is a reply. See #13.
From: Eben Holiday
To: Sean Reifschneider Msg #8, 04-Dec-88 03:32cst
Subject: Re: Jesus
Hey buddy, are you saved, or what?
Don't you know that if you make fun
of Jesus, and reject his gift of eternal life, you're gonna burn?
Follow the Way, man, and give your life to the one who died for you.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: The Asylum - Your Home For Insanity & Fun! 918-832-1462 (1:170/222)
- ** There is a reply. See #20.
From: John Tod
To: Leonard Levin Msg #9, 04-Dec-88 13:57cst
Subject: Re: Boot camp
The Station Warrant Officer calls the Staff Sergeant in and informs him that
Private Smith's mother has just died and to tell him the sad news. The
Sergeant gets all the men lined up outside and says:
"Just a short announcement. Private Smith, your mother is dead."
Of course the man was overcome with grief and collapsed on the parade square.
The SWO heard the news and instantly called the Sergeant to the office. He
told the Sergeant to use a little more tact when telling someone bad news. He
told him that Private Jone's father had just passed away and to tell him. The
Sergeant lined all the troops up again and asked:
"Everyone whose father is living, take one step forward!! Where are
you going Jones!!"
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
- ** There is a reply. See #128.
From: John Tod
To: Dave Hague Msg #10, 04-Dec-88 14:03cst
Subject: Re: Polish to go
There was a salesman who was trying to sell a house to this young couple. As
he was walking them through the house, he would open a window every so often
and yell "Green side up!!". This kept on for quite a while until the couple
asked him why he was yelling out the window "Green side up". I got a bunch of
Pollocks out there laying sod, the salesman said!!!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Fran Mchugh Msg #11, 04-Dec-88 14:12cst
Subject: Re: RE: A Riddle
What is orange and sleeps six??
A city maintainance truck!!! (at least they are orange in this city)
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Bill Sullivan Msg #12, 04-Dec-88 14:14cst
Subject: Re: Frog
> Whats green and smells like pork?
> KERMITS Middle finger.
>
>
Whats brown and smells like ginger???
Fred Estaires face!!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Jason Ornstein Msg #13, 04-Dec-88 14:15cst
Subject: Re: oj
Why do elephants have red eyes??
To hide in cherry trees!! Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?? Good hiders,
heh??
What do you find between an elephants toes??
Slow natives!!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: John Tod
To: Mike Kuhn Msg #14, 04-Dec-88 14:30cst
Subject: Re: Ugg...
How do you know if you had a good time at the party last night??
You wake up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth
and a smiling women in the bed with you!!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
- ** There is a reply. See #106.
From: John Tod
To: Michael Kortsen Msg #15, 04-Dec-88 14:33cst
Subject: Newfie woodstove
Did you here about the Newfoundland woodstove?? Its gauranteed to burn for 20
minutes.
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
- ** There is a reply. See #42.
From: John Tod
To: Troy Terew Msg #16, 04-Dec-88 14:37cst
Subject: Re: rabbits
>
>
> You've heard that people who masturbate tend to go blind
> and their hands fall off...
A little boy was caught masturbating by his father. His father told him he
would go blind if he kept doing that. The little boy asked if he could keep
doing it only until he needed glasses!!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
- ** There is a reply. See #129.
From: John Tod
To: Ron Bates Msg #17, 04-Dec-88 14:39cst
Subject: Re: Travel News..
I never fly. I think someone is nuts to trust their life to a machine that is
made of 100,000 parts all supplied by the lowest bidder!!
hahahaha
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: Areef Ishani
To: All Msg #18, 04-Dec-88 15:19cst
Subject: fun things
Question : How are soya bean burgers and dildos alike?Question: What
Answer: They're both meat substitutes.
--- ConfMail V4.00
* Origin: =The Aviation BBS= "AIRMAIL" Toronto, Ont 416-444-2028 (1:229/3)
From: Jeff Maziarz
To: The Penguin Msg #19, 04-Dec-88 19:15cst
Subject: Re: hahahahahahaha
A zen master is a master in Zen (as if you couldn't have guessed).
Basically, in Zen, you clear your mind of everyting, so that when you look
at things you asign no interpretation to it what-so-ever. When you have
acheved this, you can gain an intant, intuitive insight in to things. For
exemple, If you ask a Zen master what Zen is, he might say "It is the cloud
in the sky and the bird in the bush!" Anyone want to expand or comment?
O.J.
Mommy mommy, I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up and eat it, you only get it once a month!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: MY HOUSE BBS - Salem, NH (603)898-2349 {300-9600 HST Baud }
(1:132/12
- ** There is a reply. See #34.
From: A Wiser One
To: Craig Pfeifer Msg #20, 04-Dec-88 21:04cst
Subject: Re: Jesus
You have no idea what you're talking about Dip-----! First of all, it's
Jehovah. Take the time to look it up in the Dictionary, if you have one. And,
they don't have temples in which they worship or pray. Or should that be, prey
? The fact is that they will not participate in a prayer led by anyone that
believes differently then they do. And by inviting them in, they may stay.
---
* Origin: PC Solutions Sac CA 310MB HST (916)726-4272 485-2874 (Opus
1:203/66)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Eric Larson
To: Bryan Ackermann Msg #21, 04-Dec-88 20:33cst
Subject: Far Side Replacements
BA=> Now that Berke Breathed is on a two-year vacation from Far Side, my
BA=> local college paper has replaced the strip with a second-rate, Far
BA=> Side imitation. I know some papers are running Far Side reruns.
Only one problem with this, Berke Breathed is the author of Bloom County.
Gary Larson pens The Far Side.....
Too bad it's not a closer relation...
--- msged 1.943S ZTC
* Origin: Shockwave Rider, *Mac Support*, 315-673-4894 HST (1:260/330)
- ** There is a reply. See #31.
From: Patty Pickett
To: All Msg #22, 04-Dec-88 15:00cst
Subject: Chicken.....
Anyone know why the chicken REALLY crossed the road?
Answer: To prove to the armadillo that it could be done!
---
* Origin: Dawn Patrol "Net 380 Host/Echo Coordinator at 9600 HST" (Opus
1:380/4)
From: Sean Reifschneider
To: Kevin Murphy Msg #23, 04-Dec-88 05:43cst
Subject: Re: Steven Wright
I named my dog "Stay". So when I call him I say "Come here, Stay. Come Here,
Stay". He used to get all confused. Now he just ignores me and keeps on
typing.
I trried to open my house with my car key, and it started up. So I took it
for a ride around the block. I got pulled over, and the cop asked me where I
lived. I said "Right here."
I have a scale map of the world. Whenever somone askes me where I live, I
tell them "E-5".
Sean
---
* Origin: Forbidden Planet II,WOC'n RiverCity Austin TX! (Opus 1:382/10)
From: Ha Ha
To: Tony Criswell Msg #24, 04-Dec-88 17:20cst
Subject: Re: Golf jokes
That was a good one!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: C.S.C. Is Humorous Now. Har Har Har Net/Node (1:116/31)
- ** There is a reply. See #85.
From: Robert Ezell
To: All Msg #25, 05-Dec-88 15:52cst
Subject: OJ
Q. When do you know the relationship has leveled off???
A. When you start thinking about food!!!!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Robert Ezell
To: All Msg #26, 05-Dec-88 15:53cst
Subject: OJ
Q. Whats 24 women in a box???
A. A case of Schlizt!!!!
/s
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Max Hempel
To: All Msg #27, 05-Dec-88 20:32cst
Subject: jokes
Whats short and red and crawls up on a womans leg?
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A home sick abortion! hahahahah!!
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: <*> M A X 'S 304 <*> (817)924-5458 (1:130/35.1110)
- ** There is a reply. See #28.
From: Max Hempel
To: All Msg #28, 05-Dec-88 20:35cst
Subject: jokes
These two guys have a case of diarea, one of them asks the other one if he
wants to go get a couple of girls to go out on a date.
The other says "Well, I have a case of diarea." and the other one
says "well, bring it along, well drink it!" hahaha
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: <*> M A X 'S 304 <*> (817)924-5458 (1:130/35.1110)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Astoroth Of 141/222
To: John Tod Msg #29, 05-Dec-88 02:34cst
Subject: Italian tires
I bet dago uphill, dago downhill, and when dago flat dago "wop" "wop" "wop".
By the way, have you heard of the new Jewish tires? They're called
Firestiens, they not only stop on a dime.. They pick it up!
\
--- AIBBS v2.25
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: Excelsior AIBBS - Monroe CT 203-268-1222 [300/1200/2400]
(1:141/222)
From: Bob Rakov
To: Gene R. Lowry @ 902/1 Msg #30, 04-Dec-88 21:24cst
Subject: Lucas
> I have a buddy that drives a British auto, he has problems with the
> electrical system. He blames Lucas (the Prince of darkness).
As the former owner of a Triumph Bonneville motorcycle,MABOS
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`? C } AZPHO Phoenix, Arizona 11-13-8808:068N2 E CAGLE Glendale, California 10-15-8822:148N2 B CALAN Los Angeles, California 11-04-8818:148N2 : CAOAK Oakland, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CAPAL Palo Alto, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CARIV Riverside, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASAD San Diego, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASAN Santa Anna, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASFA San Francisco, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CASJO San Jose, California 00-00-0000:008N2 CODEN # Denver, Colorado 00-00-0000:008N2 CODEN Denver, Colorado 00-00-0000:008N2 CTHAR Hartford, Connecticut 08-27-8819:118N2 DCWAS # Washington, D.C. 09-24-8800:008N2. X d DCWAS Washington, D.C. 08-30-8821:168N2 FLMIA Miami, Florida 08-27-8820:428N2 FLTAM Tampa, Florida 00-00-0000:008N2 GAATL # Atlanta, Georgia 01-01-8019:268N2 ILCHI Chicago, Illinois 00-00-0000:008N2 MABOS Bos Mass 09-30-8822:597E2
MABOS # Boston , Mass. 12-04-8821:058N2] r " ] MIDET # Detroit, Michigan 10-09-8800:148N2 " MNMIN Minneapolis, Minnesota 00-00-0000:008N2 MOKCI Kansas City, Missouri 00-00-0000:008N2 MOSLO St. Louis, Missouri 00-00-0000:008N2 NCRTP Research Triangle Park, N.C. 00-00-0000:008N2 NJNEW # Newark, New Jersey 11-04-8818:478N2 NJNEW New Jersey 08-21-8820:117E2 NYNYO # New York , New York 11-25-8820:478N2 ? OHCLV Cleveland, Ohio 08-18-8820:408N2 ORPOR Portland, Oregon 00-00-0000:008N2 PAPHI # Philedelphia, Penn. 08-19-8819:538N2 PURSUIT * The Net Exchange 08-17-8819:578N2 . . . TXDAL Dallas, Texas 08-25-8820:468N2 ? TXDAL # Dallas, Texas 11-19-8821:227E2 ? TXHOU # Houston, Texas 10-07-8821:078N2 ? UTSLC Salt Lake City, Utah 00-00-0000:008N2 WASEA # Seattle, Washington 00-00-0000:008N2 WIMIL Milwuakee, Wisconsin 00-00-0000:008N2 10-07-8821:078N2 ? UTSLC Salt Lake City, Utah 00-00-0000:008N2 WASEA ous Expense Not a Tax Category
11/27/88 Tom Thumb Page 73.60 1646 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -73.60 Groceries Expense Not a Tax Category
11/28/88 Sears 60.00 1630 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -60.00 Clothing Expense Not a Tax Category
11/28/88 Macy's South 54.00 1631 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -54.00 Clothing Expense Not a Tax Category
11/28/88 GEICO Finanical Services 245.85 1632 Bedford N.B. 191-015-9 -245.85 Loan - G.E.F.C.I. Expense Not a Tax Category
11/28/88 Albertson's 11. I can surely
identify with that.
OJ
Why is Alabama such a good place to hunt elephants?
.
.
.
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.
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.
.
Because the that's where the Tuscaloosa.
--- QM v0.17
* Origin: The Second Opinion - Pgh, PA *HST* (412) 826-0822 (1:129/31.0)
From: Tom Etheridge
To: Bryan Ackermann Msg #31, 04-Dec-88 16:26cst
Subject: Re: Far Side Replacements
-> Now that Berke Breathed is on a two-year vacation from Far
-> Side, my local college paper has replaced the strip with a
-> second-rate, Far Side imitation. I know some papers are
-> running Far Side reruns.
Berke Breathed is Bloom County, Gary Larson is the Far Side. The second
best single panel comic is Guindon. The humor is dry, much of it is about
Michigan and its great!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: The Cook County Board, Chicago, IL <312-743-4532> (1:115/743)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Kristin Burns
To: All Msg #32, 06-Dec-88 04:07cst
Subject: Boston
There once was a man from Boston
Who bought himself an Austin
He had room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: ROBOCODER BBS (1:147/42)
From: Will Sutter
To: All Msg #33, 06-Dec-88 11:39cst
Subject: football again
OSU football team went on strike after returning from Japan. Reason is they
heard that the OU team got steroids-OSU players just got Sony Walkmens.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Recovery I, Okc, Ok *_Wildcat!_R_Us!_ * 405-691-3437 * (1:147/37)
From: Lynne Miller
To: Jeff Maziarz Msg #34, 05-Dec-88 13:50cst
Subject: Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
every now and zen someone's karma runs over a dogma.
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: Alert Data Multiline TBBS, QNX is Quick, Fast, Multi-task (151/5)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Tom Brown
To: Dave Mitchell Msg #35, 05-Dec-88 21:26cst
Subject: How about
writing several jokes on one message so we don't have to read all the paths on
every joke.
What's 12" long and white?
Does French Bread count as white?
--- ConfMail V4.00
* Origin: Morningstar BBS - Rene's Bawdy House - Silver Spring, Md
(301)946-3431 (1:109/752)
From: Bill Evans
To: Patrick Townson,othur Bright Msg #36, 05-Dec-88 18:22cst
Subject: reply to your reply to ...
If I might adress you two. . . guys, this is a humor conference. If you wish
to debate religion, please do so in an appropriate forum (I'd even like to
participate, because I believe strongly in this book which you have labelled
as "largely x-rated" and feel that you are distorting the record to make your
point --- I sometimes exercise in hyperbole myself.) Be that as it may, I
feel that true bigotry, be it anti-gay, anti-atheist, anti-christian, or
anti-anything that is based on ill-informed prejudice is wrong. That is not,
as I see it, what this conference is about. People make fun of others,
sometimes in an offensive way here. But I would not participate if I really
felt that the folks who tell "fat" jokes had a personal vendetta against my
rotundity. And so it goes. Just in case, I have seen on a couple of bbs's a
file called "ettiquet.txt" which basically gives guidelines on how to behave
in a conference. Please read it and take it to heart. It makes this a
funnier place for everyone involved. Lighten up!
.
.
.
o.j. : Man is playing golf and having a terrible day. He comes to a long par
3 over water, and says to himself, " I better get out an old ball, because I
hate to lose this new one." He reaches into the bag, gets the old ball, and
places it on the tee. In the middle of his backswing, a booming voice from
heaven says, "HIT THE NEW BALL!" The guy shrugs, tees up the new ball, and
starts to swing. The voice booms, "TAKE A PRACTICE SWING!" So, the guy
obliges. He addresses the ball, starts to swing, and again, right in the
middle of the backswing, the voice booms out. . .
.
.
.
"HIT THE OLD BALL!!!!!!!!" :)
"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you haven't
checked your answering service." (B.J. Honecutt, MASH)
Later, all.
p.s. thanks for the golf jokes, everyone. keep'em coming!
---
* Origin: Cross-Fire BBS -- Columbus, Ohio (614) 294-5216 (Opus 1:226/170)
- ** There is a reply. See #66.
From: Ed Skibinski
To: Mike Copeland Msg #37, 04-Dec-88 21:58cst
Subject: Re: GASMS
All right, I'll bite. How about..............
Mother Theresa has multiple poor-gasms
Pavoracci has tenor-gasms
Lee Ioccoca has foor door -gasms
Pro golfers have fore-gasms
Any more would ruin my reputation, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Nirvana 'Absolute Felicity' - (416)336-0075 (1:148/252)
From: Ed Skibinski
To: Dave Mitchell Msg #38, 04-Dec-88 22:11cst
Subject: Re: As if you hadn't enough jokes?
Another derogatory female joke...........................................Why
did God create women? Because sheep can't type.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Nirvana 'Absolute Felicity' - (416)336-0075 (1:148/252)
From: Dave Smith
To: All Msg #39, 04-Dec-88 09:48cst
Subject: Joke
Three old friends diecided to have a reunion.. They had not seen each other
for almost 20 years. Twoo of the guys were waiting at the appointed location
when a womann came up and introduced herself as Roberta, fformerly their old
friend Bob. She told them all about how she had alwways felt more like a
women, but never told them because she valued their friendship too much to
risk it,and that she had gone ahead and had the operation a few years before.
The two guys were shocked but sympathetic. Onne said "It must have been very
painful" "Yes it was" she replied. "what was the worst part?" the guy
asked.."I'll bet the worst part was when they cut your testicles off"
"No, that wasn't thee worst part"
"I'll bet the worst part was when they cut your penis off"the guy said.
" No, that wasn't it" she replied "I think what really hurt the most was going
back to the same job for half the money"
---
* Origin: The Packet Inn BBS (Opus 1:148/368)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Greg Martin
To: Major Havoc Msg #40, 04-Dec-88 10:30cst
Subject: Re: Jokes
Miami!! Wow.. this is the first time i have ever used echo before... I have a
joke .. What does a cub have to do before he can become a boyscott.
A: He has to eat his first brownie!
TTYL
-*-Greg-*-
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Zeus II - WC!/Bink/QBBS - Fonthill, Ont., CANADA (1:148/364)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Kevin Murphy
To: All Msg #41, 04-Dec-88 00:10cst
Subject: Wh'dappend?
Hmmmmm.... All the messages are gone..
OJ
Why did the kinky pimp cross the road?
Because his dick was caught in the chicken!!
]
ha hah hah.. ha ..... ahem.. oh
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Beaker's Beacon (1:115/212)
From: Jeff Maziarz
To: John Tod Msg #42, 05-Dec-88 23:43cst
Subject: Re: Newfie woodstove
Did you hear about the new German microwave?
It seats four.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: MY HOUSE BBS - Salem, NH (603)898-2349 {300-9600 HST Baud }
(1:132/12
- ** This is a reply to #15.
From: Nick Cleveland
To: All Msg #43, 05-Dec-88 21:18cst
Subject: light bulb!
How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10! (1 to screw it in and 9 to share the expierence)
heheh
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: ####### NORTHWAY * (508) 393-5346 ####### (1:322/540)
From: Mike Bowen
To: Eben Holiday Msg #44, 05-Dec-88 22:59cst
Subject: Re: Jesus
> Hey buddy, are you saved, or what?
> Don't you know that if you make fun
> of Jesus, and reject his gift of eternal life, you're gonna
> burn?
Jesus Saves -- but I don't. The interest is just too low to make it
worthwhile.
---
* Origin: EQUAL:Computers & the Disabled--Raleigh-NC (919) 851-6806 (Opus
1:151/101)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: James Garrett
To: Long Dang Msg #45, 04-Dec-88 12:01cst
Subject: Re: JOKE
THAT'S MY JOKE!! I WAS THE FIRST TO POST IT. Be original!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: James Garrett
To: Linda Timmons Msg #46, 04-Dec-88 12:09cst
Subject: Re: Medical Terminology
Computer termonology:
IBM:
Imence Bullshit Maker.
COCO:
I'm talking about computers.
AMIGA:
Amazingly Massive Imence Garbadge Acumulator.
APPLE:
A Plastic Pile of Loapord Embulims
I know that sucked, but hey!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
- ** There is a reply. See #84.
From: James Garrett
To: Dan Schor Msg #47, 04-Dec-88 12:11cst
Subject: Re: ?
I quite agree. That was one of the best thought out messages that I have ever
seen. It was a very precise message also. Got right to the point.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
- ** There is a reply. See #82.
From: James Garrett
To: Vivarto Veet Msg #48, 04-Dec-88 12:33cst
Subject: Fags
That's my joke. Can't you people be original?
OJ.
There was this German, Polock, and a Niger on an air plane. Theywere flying
along and the captain called them all up to the front. He told them that one
of the planes engins had quit. The plain was lossing altitude, and he said
that one of them would have to jump to save the rest of the plain. He said "Do
I have any Volinteres
All of the guys said NO WAY!! (By the way. There are no parachutes). So the
piolot said,"So you guys thing that you are pretty smart don't ya?" Thay all
said ya. He said, "Well, I'm gonna ask you alll a question. If you answer it
correctly, you don't have to jump". They all agreed. So this piolot, who is
kinda prejudice anyway, looked at the German and said, "What was the worst
water disaster ever in American history?" The German starts shakin and
sweatin'. He finally says, "The sinking of the Titanic." The piolot says
"right". He looks at the Polok and says,"Now, how many people were on the ship
when it sank?" The polok starts Sweatin' and shiverin' and after about five
min. of calculating he finally says,"2846". The piolot is astounded. He
says"that's right. Amazing." Then he looks at the Black man and says,
"Alright. Name 'em Niger!"
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
From: Chance Hester
To: The Hood Msg #49, 04-Dec-88 16:25cst
Subject: MERP
How many FRG'ers did it take to screw in a light bulb?
none, light bulbs were not around then....
have you ever played Chivelry and Sorcery? by far one of the best...
(I like MERP too)
C Chance
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
From: James Garrett
To: All Msg #50, 04-Dec-88 20:05cst
Subject: oxygen
Here's one I JUST heard!! On the radio that is!!
Why is air alot like sex?
Cause it's no big deal unless your not getting any!!
I thought that it was pretty funny my self!
Would someone please reply to this message!! I'm gettin' tired of login' on
and not finding any new messages addressed to me!!!!!!!!!!!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
- ** There is a reply. See #99.
From: James Garrett
To: BAB Msg #51, 04-Dec-88 20:25cst
Subject: Re: WHAT A NEWFIE
||||
||||
||||
/ || /
/ || /
//
EAT ME RAW!!!!!!
//
/ || /
/ || /
||||
||||
||||
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
From: James Garrett
To: Max Bedroom Msg #52, 04-Dec-88 20:32cst
Subject: Re: Joke
To hell with the mountains, let me see your bush!!!!!!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: LANStar <HST> Humor "WOC-a WOC-a WOC-a" 417-673-BAUD (1:286/703)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Eric Kornberg
To: All Users Msg #53, 04-Dec-88 11:57cst
Subject: Jyokyes
A blind man and his dog go into the supermarket and then the blind man takes
his dog by the collar and starts to swing him around over his head, knocking
things off the shelves. The manager comes up to the blind man and asks "excuse
me sir, can I help you?" the blind man answers "no thanks, I'm just looking
around".
#2
Did you hear about the house the lesbians built?
(no)
They didn't use any nails!
(really?)
Yeah, it was all tounge in groove!
#3
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. But the lightbulb has to WANT to change!
That's all folks!
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: The Omega Quadrant - WOCing with Binkley - 503-659-7977 (1:105/209)
From: Hans Lotzkat
To: Robert Ezell Msg #54, 04-Dec-88 23:34cst
Subject: Re: OJ
Did you see the new Vietnamise cookbook?
100 ways to wok your dog.
---
* Origin: XEROX Service Centre, Sask. (306) 652-8088 (Opus 1:140/33)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Patrick Cody
To: Anybody Msg #55, 04-Dec-88 17:25cst
Subject: Crude, Rude and Socially Unacceptable
A quick in-and-out:
There was a young hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
"I know it's a sin,"
He said with a grin,
"But think of the money I save!"
Wegone
---
* Origin: Awakening BBS 206-582-5579 *HST (Opus 1:138/102)
From: Tim Evans
To: all Msg #56, 04-Dec-88 16:11cst
Subject: Dan Quayle
Dan Quayle is soooo dumb, that he thinks:
that the B1 bomber is a multivitamin
that glasnost is a window cleaner
that the F-14 is one of his grades in law school
that Roe vs Wade is a crew regatta.
What would the best thing if Dan Quayle was president?
He couldn't pick himself for vice-president!
--- Sirius 0.50
* Origin: Get the Point? Tacoma, Wa (1:138/102.1)
From: Tim Evans
To: Dave Mitchell Msg #57, 04-Dec-88 22:22cst
Subject: Re: Nantucket
> Let me know if you wanna hear about the guy from Peru.
Just don't tell us about Cas :-)
--- Sirius 0.50
* Origin: Get the Point? Tacoma, Wa (1:138/102.1)
- ** There is a reply. See #115.
From: tim evans
To: Joe Cinocca Msg #58, 04-Dec-88 22:34cst
Subject: Re: jokes
Whats the difference between Joe Cinocca & a bucket of shit?
The bucket!
--- Sirius 0.50
* Origin: Get the Point? Tacoma, Wa (1:138/102.1)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Jan Travis
To: All Msg #59, 04-Dec-88 11:21cst
Subject: Dear Baby Jesus
There was this good little Italian boy who had always been taught that if you
were good and prayed to Baby Jesus he would answer your prayers. Well he had
been wanting a 10 speed bike for a long time so he sat down at a desk and
started his letter to Baby Jesus.
Dear Baby Jesus,
I would really like to have a ten speed bike and if you bring me a ten speed
bike I'll be really good for a month
He stopped and thought, "you know a month is really a long time, so he threw
the letter away and started again
Dear Baby Jesus,
I would really like to have a ten speed bike and if you bring me a ten speed
bike I'll be really good for a week.....
He once again stopped and thought....Johnny birthday party was in a couple
days and he didn't think he could be good that long. As he sat and scratched
his head, he looked up and saw the statues of Baby Jesus and Mary and had a
great idea. He reached up and took the statue of Mary and stuck in the desk
draw and began his letter again....
Dear Baby Jesus,
If you ever want to see your mother again..................
---
* Origin: ==> Dits & Bits <-HST-> (719)-637-1375 <===> (Opus 1:128/35)
From: Tony Criswell
To: Julie Rhodes Msg #60, 04-Dec-88 14:55cst
Subject: OK
=> Alright, I know how Superman (you should have said "Boy that Clark
=> Kent", by the way, it's more interesting) did it, but how did the Jewish
=> guy do it????
=>
Hint: Remember a Jewish guy named Jesus...supposed to be good a miracles.
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: LSO QuickBBS, Everett WA, 206/334-3088 (1:344/117.7)
From: Ron Bemis
To: All Msg #61, 07-Dec-88 07:32cst
Subject: Pearl Harbor Day
A PEARL HARBOR CAROL
'Twas the eve before Pearl Harbor
and all through the earth
Not a creature was stirring
not even a rat.
The A-bombs were hung
by the chimney with care!
In hopes that MacArthur
soon would be there.
The bombers were huddled
all snug in their hangers
With visions of destruction
put in by their planners.
While the earth in her torture
and God in his sorrow
Had just settled down
for a look at tomorrow.
The sight they beheld
was gruesome indeed
For all they had nurtured
was gone just for greed.
Each man wanted more
than was given to him
And stopped at nothing
to answer this whim.
They swept over the land
taking all they could get
And though they had much
they were not happy yet
So they turned from the land
and onto each other
Each man for himself
to hell with your brother!
Then the nations let loose
all their "needed protection"
Till all that was left
was just total destruction.
The earth had been bled
to the point beyond all
And so from existence
this plannet did fall.
God sat all alone now
His works were all gone
And so now was He
for He lived in each dawn.
Just what really happened
to the last signs of man
Might be best said in saying
that they went with the land.
Yes, 'twas the eve before Pearl Harbor
and all through the earth
Not a creature was living
not even a rat.
-Ron
--- Msg V3.2
* Origin: Nibbles & Bytes - Dallas, Texas - 214-231-3841 (1:124/113)
From: Ron Lauzon
To: Dana Quinn Msg #62, 06-Dec-88 17:32cst
Subject: Re: Christmas cookies
I heard a simular one:
A kid was playing with his BB gun without permission. When he saw
his dad comming the kid put the gun back but still had a handfull of
BBs left. The kid, panicking, put the BBs into a pot of backed beans
on the stove.
Later that day, his mom served the beans to her bridge club. About
two hours later the mom got a call from one of her friends. "I don't
know what you put into those beans," she said. "But when I got home
I farted and shot the cat."
--- Via OpXpress V1.03?
* Origin: Southern Crossroads PEP and HST (1:124/4115.0)
From: Richard Warwick
To: All Msg #63, 03-Dec-88 18:18cst
Subject: generic ethnic joke
did you hear the one about the 3 ethnics pushing the house down the street?
... they were trying to start the furnace.
---
* Origin: National Emporium - St Charles, MO (314-926-8310) (Opus 1:100/611)
From: Alex Hsu
To: All Msg #64, 06-Dec-88 15:41cst
Subject: jewish joke
What do you call a Jewish stud?
Shepherd.
---
* Origin: Mover Mouse (Opus/Bink/Hst of Marin,CA) 415-883-1644 (Opus 1:161/7)
From: Jim Kramer
To: Sean Votier Msg #65, 05-Dec-88 10:21cst
Subject: JOKE
THAT was funny!
SICK!
But funny!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: THE ARCHIVES BBS (407)894-3821 Orlando, Fla. (1:363/504)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Dwain Pattillo
To: Bill Evans Msg #66, 08-Dec-88 00:53cst
Subject: Re: reply to your reply to ...
A golfer was about to hit his shot from the rough when a booming voice said
"DON"T HIT THAT BALL"..... He stood there dazzed and said "Who said that",
looking around to see if he could find them. "This is Mother Nature" the
voice said, "that ball is laying in my butter-cups, and if you hit the ball
it will kill them". The golfer said "I'm sorry but I have to play the ball
where it is!". Mother Nature said "well if you just kick it away from my
butter-cups, I will give you all the butter you want".
The golfer thought for a second and then hit this ball, saying
"Where were you when I was in the Pussy-Willows"
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Electric Dreams, Okc, Ok * Wildcat * 405-769-5226 * (1:147/50)
- ** This is a reply to #36.
From: Paul Csomo
To: Fraser Anderson Msg #67, 04-Dec-88 10:07cst
Subject: Re: Wright......
Go out and buy a Steven Wright tape at your nearest recore store, and you'll
definitely see just who he is!
Another Steven Wright quote:
'My birth certificate has an expiration date on it.'
'I live on a median. It's a nice grassy area. The only problem with it is I
have to be going 65 mph when I get out of my driveway.'
'I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone.'
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Trail-T * Naples FL 813-262-2755 (1:378/9)
- ** There is a reply. See #98.
From: John Grove
To: All Msg #68, 06-Dec-88 16:02cst
Subject: Bumpersnicker
Tired of "Lifes a bitch" ? Try this one:
.
CAUTION - I drive like you do!
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: The Beach Board (Ft Myers Bch FL) HST QBBS DBridge (1:371/1)
From: PREJUDICE PIG
To: K9 Of 141/222 Msg #69, 05-Dec-88 17:10cst
Subject: Re: SHUT UP!!
How the Fu*k do you pronounce that? HSU?
PREJUDCE PIG
---
* Origin: TeleTalk: Farmington, Ct, USA *HST*(203)674-1802(142/0) (Opus
1:142/328)
From: Tom Brown
To: Robert Green Msg #70, 06-Dec-88 13:14cst
Subject: Re: Knock Knock
boo hoo?
--- ConfMail V4.00
* Origin: Morningstar BBS - Rene's Bawdy House - Silver Spring, Md
(301)946-3431 (1:109/752)
From: Tom Brown
To: Jeff Ledger Msg #71, 07-Dec-88 00:07cst
Subject: Re: jokes
i thut de right spelling iz
BIGGEST
--- ConfMail V4.00
* Origin: Morningstar BBS - Rene's Bawdy House - Silver Spring, Md
(301)946-3431 (1:109/752)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Matt Hartley
To: Craig Pfeifer Msg #72, 05-Dec-88 15:28cst
Subject: Re: JOHNNY JOHNNY JOKES...
Oh my Gawd..........(blam blam blam head meets wooden table)
A norwegian is driving through the Sahara desert... suddenly he sees a young
arab lying in the sand, naked, arms and legs tied up.
the arab explains that he met a band of bandits that tokk all his possessions,
raped him from behind one by one, and left him here to die.
" Sorry ", the norwegian says and unzips his fly, " it's not your day
today..."
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: FINAL FRONTIER - 5 LINES, 230 meg ON-LINE (301) 947-4404
(261/1007)
From: Matt Hartley
To: Matt Roberts Msg #73, 05-Dec-88 15:30cst
Subject: Re: THIS BBS
That wasn't funny........
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: FINAL FRONTIER - 5 LINES, 230 meg ON-LINE (301) 947-4404
(261/1007)
From: Steve M
To: Dave Hague Msg #74, 05-Dec-88 22:52cst
Subject: Re: POLLOCKS
I liked them Dave...keep it up...
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: FINAL FRONTIER - 5 LINES, 230 meg ON-LINE (301) 947-4404
(261/1007)
From: Murray Salinas
To: Sean Reifschneider Msg #75, 05-Dec-88 17:42cst
Subject: n
The electric company cut my electricity off, so I had to walk around my
house with a camera, clicking the flash. I was hungry, so I went into the
kitchen, and took 500 pictures of my hands making a sandwich. My neighbors
called the police. They thought there was lightning in the house.
---
* Origin: Dawn Patrol "Net 380 Host/Echo Coordinator at 9600 HST" (Opus
1:380/4)
From: Casey
To: All Msg #76, 05-Dec-88 17:40cst
Subject: jokes
An Aggie was going home for the holidays. His relatives lived in Huston. The
Aggie started on his way. When he got to the end of a road, he saw a
---
* Origin: MBS (MultiByte Systems 817-634-3647 2400bps) (Opus 1:382/16)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Casey
To: All Msg #77, 05-Dec-88 17:50cst
Subject: Opps!!!!!!!!!!!!
To all who read the message before this one I'm sorry I goofed.
The joke actually is;
An Aggie wanted to go to Huston for the holidays for the holidays. The
Aggie started on his way. He got to a road sign that said " Huston left"
, so the Aggie turned around and went home.
---
* Origin: MBS (MultiByte Systems 817-634-3647 2400bps) (Opus 1:382/16)
From: Bob Sheldon
To: All Msg #78, 05-Dec-88 17:41cst
Subject: JOKE
DELTA stands for Doesn't Even Leave The Airport.
---
* Origin: Forbidden Planet II,WOC'n RiverCity Austin TX! (Opus 1:382/10)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Sean Reifschneider
To: Joe Cinocca Msg #79, 06-Dec-88 10:34cst
Subject: Re: jokes
VerrRryy Fuunnyyyy. <frown> I wonder how funny your sysop thinks it is.
By the way, you forgot your OJ (unless it was YOU).
OJ: Sex is not the Answer. Sex is the Question. Yes is the answer.
Sean
---
* Origin: Forbidden Planet II,WOC'n RiverCity Austin TX! (Opus 1:382/10)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Jeff Wood
To: David Howell Msg #80, 06-Dec-88 14:11cst
Subject: love
How come I don't have a message from you? I thought maybe I would get a
message after you asked me about them today. Oh well, I will give you a
message that you can try and figure out, love is like good music, and a good
women is like a high class violin.
---
* Origin: PLUCE BBS (Opus 1:138/109)
From: Crash
To: All Msg #81, 04-Dec-88 23:12cst
Subject: lepers
Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?
There was a face off in the corner.
Why did the leper bridge game end?
They all threw their hands in.
.
A leper walks into a fine restaraunt. A waiter shows him to a seat and gives
him a menu. A few minutes later, another patron runs gagging to the bathroom.
The leper thinks "Hey, I'm grossing these people out, I should leave" and
rises to leave. But the waiter convinces him to stay.
Not yet a minute has gone by, and another person stands up, covers their mouth
and runs to the john. This time the leper is sure that he should leave, but
the waiter reassures him that its not his fault.
Then two more patrons retch and run out of the room. This time the leper is
adamant about leaving. "No, sir, its not you" says the waiter. "You see, the
person behind you is using your back as a dip!"
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Look all along the road cause at the end it is all over!
(1:104/311)
From: ?
To: ? Msg #82, 06-Dec-88 04:24cst
Subject: ?
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Look all along the road cause at the end it is all over!
(1:104/311)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Damien Hayes
To: All Waiters(straight Or Gay) Msg #83, 02-Nov-88 18:17cst
Subject: HAVE YOU NOTICED?
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CANOE AND A LESBIAN?
THE CANOE
TIPS!!!!!
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: MICRO-DATE * Denver's Premier Matchmaking BBS * (303)-455-4793
(104/64)
From: Paul Faeder Of 952/1 @ 952/1
To: James Garrett Msg #84, 06-Dec-88 12:28cst
Subject: Re: Medical Terminology
JG> IBM:
JG> Imence Bullshit Maker.
No, don't you know what IBM stands for?
Intercourse is Better than Masturbation!!
--- ConfMail V4.00
# Origin: Pocono Mountain BBS * (717)-588-7549 * Ne-Pa Net * (8:952/1)
* Origin: Network Gateway to RBBS-NET (RBBS-PC 1:103/710)
- ** This is a reply to #46.
From: Richard Polunsky
To: Bill Evans Msg #85, 05-Dec-88 07:57cst
Subject: GOLF JOKES
Jesus and Saint Peter are playing golf and both having a reasonably good round
until about the seventh hole. It's a dog leg left with a wicked stand of
trees to one side and a water hazard to the other. Jesus tees off first and
gets a good drive, straight and true, landing about 60 yards from the green.
Saint Peter takes a large swing and shanks the drive, sending it into the
stand of trees, where it hits a large oak and caroms into the air. A crow
flying over the course catches the ball in its jaws and flys over the green
before dropping it, where it rolls in for a hole in one.
And Jesus says, "Come on Pete, did we come out here to play golf or just screw
around?"
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: Southern Comfort TBBS, CA (714-796-4731) (911/108)
- ** This is a reply to #24.
From: Scott Estrin
To: All Msg #86, 05-Dec-88 16:19cst
Subject: Phones
How many of you actually read the instructions on a pay phone before dialing?
---
* Origin: Network XXIII (201)-972-0460 Archive (1/15) - (Opus 1:107/351)
From: Neil Judell
To: Steve Cowan Msg #87, 05-Dec-88 09:01cst
Subject: Re: QUADRAPALEGIC JOKES...
What do you call a quad. under a pile of leaves? Russell
What do you call a quad. in front of your door? Matt
What do you call a girl who has one leg longer than the other? Eileen
--- TBBS v2.0
* Origin: MFTBBS MultiLine TBBS Beta 2.1 - 201-494-3649 Metuchen NJ
(107/331)
From: Allen Cole
To: All Msg #88, 05-Dec-88 22:42cst
Subject: Coincidence or Conspiracy?
There are 7 letters in Kennedy
There are 7 letters in Presley
There are 7 letters in Lucifer
There are 5 letters in John F
There are 5 letters in Elvis
There are 5 letters in Satan
Kennedy fell in Dallas to an Assasins bullet
Presley fell in the bathtub to an awsome buzz
Kennedy died 3 years after a republican administration
Presley died 3 years before a republican administration
Satan sez: shuffle the letters in 'Elvis'
ELVIS
LIVES
EVILS=======COINCIDENCE OR CONSPIRACY?
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: We are the people our parents warned us about * (1:264/50)
From: Running Man
To: The Zen Master Msg #89, 05-Dec-88 18:58cst
Subject: ahah
As Fritz pushed his mother over a cliff he said "Look Hans, no ma."
the Running Man
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: PREJUDICE PIG Msg #90, 05-Dec-88 21:58cst
Subject: Re: 'GOT A JOKE TO TELL
There were three guys stranded on a deserted island. An Englishman, a Scotsman
and a Newfoundlander. One day the Englishman found a lamp on the beach that
had been washed up on shore. He ran back to the camp excited to show the other
two guys. They all looked at it and the Englishman gave it a rub to clean it
and all of a sudden a Genie appeared and granted each one of them one wish.
The Englishman wished he could go back home to his wife and family and poof!
he was gone. The Scotsman wished the same thing and poof! he was gone. The
Newfoundlander said
"Gee its lonely here, I wish those two other guys were back here."
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: All Msg #91, 05-Dec-88 22:12cst
Subject: dildos
A girl went to see her Gynocologist and shyly told him that she had jammed a
vibrator up her pussy and it was stuck tight. The good doctor checked it out
and informed her it was indeed stuck tight and that he would have to book her
into a hospital to remove it by surgury. She asked when that would be and was
told it would be 2-3 days. So she asked him to put fresh batteries in!!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Tom Cotter Msg #92, 05-Dec-88 22:22cst
Subject: Re: Bumper sticker
> I saw this on a bumper sticker the other day:
>
> "Your father should have pulled out early"
>
OR
"The best part of you ran down your mothers leg".
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)22Program Move;
uses
dos , crt ;
var
OFv , DFv : file;
f : text;
copydir , currentdir , subdir, filename , dest , dest1 : string;
dirinfo : searchrec ;
current_dir :string;
dummy, recsread , x , ct : integer;
buffer : array[1..maxint] of byte;
iocode : integer ;
file_copied , tr : boolean;
disk_free : longint ;
check : boolean ;
procedure beep_hi ;
begin
sound(1500);
delay(100);
nosound;
end;
procedure upper(var strng: string);
var
C: integer;
begin
for c:=1 to length(strng) do
strng[c] := upcase(strng[C]);
end;
Procedure Check_paths;
begin
if (subdir = '\') or
(subdir = 'A:\') or
(subdir = 'a:\') or
(subdir = 'B:\') or
(subdir = 'b:\') or
(subdir = 'C:\') or
(subdir = 'c:\') or
(subdir = 'D:\') or
(subdir = 'd:\') or
(subdir = 'E:\') or
(subdir = 'e:\') THEN dest :=subdir+filename
ELSE
dest := subdir+'\'+filename;
end;
Procedure Erase_file;
begin
chdir(copydir);
erase(ofv);
{ upper(filename);
upper(subdir);}
writeln('done.');
close(OFv);
close(DFv);
end;
Procedure Check_Disk_size ;
begin
case subdir[1] of
'A' , 'a' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(1) ;
end;
'B' , 'b' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(2) ;
end;
'C' , 'c' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(3) ;
end;
'D' , 'd' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(4) ;
end;
'E' , 'e' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(5) ;
end;
'F' , 'f' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(6) ;
end;
'G' , 'g' : case subdir[2] of
':' : disk_free := diskfree(7) ;
end;
'\' : disk_free := diskfree(0) ;
end;
iocode := ioresult ;
if disk_free = 0 then
begin
beep_hi;
Writeln('Drive not ready.');
halt;
end;
{ WRiteln('FileSize');
writeln(filesize(ofv));
writeln('diskfree');
writeln(disk_free);}
if (filesize(ofv)) > (disk_free) then
begin
Beep_hi;
writeln('Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.');
halt;
end;
end;
Procedure Display_help ;
begin
writeln;
writeln('???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????');
writeln('? MOVE --------- File Relocation Utility --------- v1.0 ------ 11-26-88 ?');
writeln('???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????');
writeln('(c) Copyright 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.');
writeln;
writeln('Description: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. ');
writeln;
writeln('Usage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] ');
writeln;
writeln(' If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or ');
writeln(' donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: ');
writeln(' ');
writeln(' Connect 2400! BBS ');
writeln(' (817) 485-9201 ');
writeln(' QBBS 2.03 ');
writeln(' ');
writeln(' or through your lo5-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Top Gun Msg #93, 05-Dec-88 22:24cst
Subject: Re: Humor from the NorthWest
> Wasted a dime oh, what the hell
> at least I can sit and enjoy the smell.
Here I sit broken hearted
Spent a dime and only farted
Yesterday I took a chance
Saved a dime and shit my pants
OR
Some people come here to sit and think
I come here to shit and stink
OR
Flush twice, its a long way to the mess hall (old Army joke)
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Ray Vaughan Msg #94, 05-Dec-88 22:28cst
Subject: Re: Yuppies
> What do you call oral sex between two yuppies?
>
> "Sixty-something"
>
What is the square root of 69???
8 something.
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
From: John Tod
To: Ray Vaughan Msg #95, 05-Dec-88 22:29cst
Subject: Re: GAYS
> Notice they never explain how Adam and Eve had only two
> sons and all of the human race came from them?
Or one was a mother fucker!
---
* Origin: NiteFiler * IFNA(163/114) * ANET(483/111) * (613)225-2989 * Ottawa
(Opus 1:163/114)
- ** There is a reply. See #105.
From: Dave Scullin
To: Greg Martin Msg #96, 06-Dec-88 04:04cst
Subject: Re: Jokes
No,no,no! It's
Whats grey, and comes in brownies?
Cub Scouts
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Zeus II - WC!/Bink/QBBS - Fonthill, Ont., CANADA (1:148/364)
- ** This is a reply to #79.
From: Gerry Simpson
To: All Msg #97, 05-Dec-88 18:54cst
Subject: Philosophy
WE, THE WILLING
LED BY THE UNKNOWING
ARE DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE
FOR THE UNGRATEFUL
************************
WE HAVE DONE SO MUCH
WITH SO LITTLE
FOR SO LONG
************************
THAT SOON WE WILL BE ABLE
TO DO ANYTHING
WITH NOTHING.
*************************
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: DataGate QuickBBS 160mb, the fastest gun in London! (1:224/0)
From: Fraser Anderson
To: John Bordeaux Msg #98, 05-Dec-88 22:48cst
Subject: Re: Wright......
This boy had a Jewish mother and a black father. He went up to his parents
one day and said he had a problem. Naturally his parents asked if they could
help.
"There is a boy at school who is selling his bike for $15. I don't know
whether to offer him $11.50 or wait till it's dsark and steal the thing.
"You mean to tell me you went through this whole sex change thing withput any
pain?"
"Well no, I didn't say that. There was one part thAt was painful."
"What part was that Ralph?"
"When they drilled a hole in my head and sucked half my brains out. Now I'm a
real woman."
Thanks for the enlightenment guy. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled and see
if he shows up on any programs up here in the great white north. WE'll likely
start hearing from him in about 3 years.........
You don't know if he has any records out do you?
Later..........
--- ConfMail V3.31
* Origin: Central Durham BBS...Laugh'n it up in Whitby (1:229/102)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Robert Ezell
To: James Garrett Msg #99, 07-Dec-88 10:42cst
Subject: Re: oxygen
Ok, I have one similar...
Q. How is making love to your wife like cleaning the house????
A. 'Cause no matter how well you do it, you're eventually gonna have to do it
again!!!!!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Robert Ezell
To: All Msg #100, 07-Dec-88 10:48cst
Subject: OJ
Q. Why dont Puerto Ricanslike blow jobs???
A. They're afraid it'll interfere with their unemployment benefits!!!!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Robert Ezell
To: All Msg #101, 07-Dec-88 10:49cst
Subject: OJ
Q. How do ya circumcise a Libyan???
A. ...Cant... There ain't no end to those pricks!!!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Robert Ezell
To: Paul Csomo Msg #102, 07-Dec-88 12:35cst
Subject: Re: Wright......
I've caught him a few times on HBO and personally, I dont think they guy is
funny at ALL.... Now...BOB GOLDWAIT... Now THATS A COMEDIAN!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** This is a reply to #98.
From: Robert Ezell
To: All Msg #103, 07-Dec-88 12:36cst
Subject: OJ
Q. Why did the Polack sit in his bathtub with his back to the faucet???
A. He didnt have a plug!!!
---
* Origin: AMIGA MAGIC -390/6- WOC'en with the Amiga.... (Opus 1:390/6)
- ** This is a reply to #101.
From: David Johnson
To: All Msg #104, 08-Dec-88 10:02cst
Subject: joke
Yet, another great Easy Rider joke:
After work, the bro dragged his tired ass home and found his ol lady
in front of the TV, glued to a soap opera.
"Hey baby, whats for supper?", he asked.
"Fuck supper!" she yelled. "I just left a women's lib meeting, and I
found out that I don't hafta cook your meals anymore."
The bro, barely holding back his temper, tried to let it slide. "If
I was you, bitch," he growled, "I'd forget about this womens lib shit
right away. Now get off yer fat ass and get my supper on the table."
Not even looking up from the TV, his ol' lady said, "I told ya,
asshole, my womens lib sisters told me I don't hafta do shit if I don't
wanna, and I don't fuckin' feel like cookin' today. Ya got that?"
"How'd you like to not see me for about three days?" the bro said evenly.
"Go for it," she said. "I don't give a flyin' fuck what ya do."
The next day the bitch didn't see him.
The second day the bitch didn't see him.
The third day she could just barely see him out of the corner of
her left eye.
---
* Origin: Hambone's Cop Shop The WOCing FUZZ *PEP* (1.124/211.0) (Opus
1:124/211)
- ** Part of a conversation.
From: Frank Grubbs
To: Ray Vaughan Msg #105, 07-Dec-88 07:37cst
Subject: Re: GAYS
-> -> Notice they never explain how Adam and Eve had only two
-> -> sons and all of the human race came from them?
Wrong. Genesis 4;17: "And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare
Enoch..." Hardly homosexual, I'd say.
It's true, of course, that where Cain found his wife is not explained, but
if you're going to be a Bible Literalist, be literal.
So there.
OJ:
Peter Kaufman was a perfectionist (not a literalist--heh,heh) when it came
to playing bridge. He absolutely could not stand mediocrity at the bridge
table.
One evening, while playing bridge with a particularly inept partner, the
partner asked to be excused to go to the bathroom.
As he left, Kaufman remarked, "Well, for the first time this evening he'll
know what he's got in his hand."
.
--- QuickBBS v2.03
* Origin: Hilton's Inn BBS -- El Paso, TX (1:381/2) (915)566-9752 (1:381/2)
- ** This is a reply to #95.
From: Ray Batig
To: Mike Kuhn Msg #106, 05-Dec-88 18:22cst
Subject: Ugg...
> How do you know when you have eaten good pussy????
>
>
> When you wake up and your face looks like a glazed donut...
cal post office at : ');
writeln(' ');
writeln(' Sean Gallagher ');
writeln(' P.O. Box 394 ');
writeln(' Colleyville TX 76034 ');
writeln;
halt;
end; (* of PROCEDURE Display_help *)
procedure copy_file (OFName,DFname : string);
begin
assign (OFv,OfName);
assign (DFv,DFName);
{$I-}
reset(OFv,1);
{$I+}
iocode := ioresult ;
case iocode of
2 :
begin
beep_hi;
Writeln('File not found.');
halt;
end;
5 :
begin
beep_hi;
writeln('Access denied.');
halt;
end;
end;
check_disk_size;
{$I-}
rewrite(DFv,1);
{$I+}
iocode := ioresult ;
if iocode = 3 then
begin
beep_hi;
writeln('Path not found.');
halt;
end;
if iocode = 152 then
begin
beep_hi;
Writeln('Drive not ready.');
halt;
end;
if iocode = 5 then
begin
Beep_hi;
writeln('Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.');
halt;
end;
If iocode <> 0 then
file_copied := false
else
File_copied := true ;
repeat
blockread(OFv,buffer,Maxint,recsread);
blockwrite(DFv,buffer,recsread,dummy);
until recsread = 0;
end;
begin
if (paramcount = 0) or (paramcount = 1) then
display_help;
getdir(0,currentdir);
writeln('MOVE v1.0 (c) 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.');
writeln;
Filename := paramstr(1);
subdir := paramstr(2);
Check_paths;
dest1 := subdir;
copydir := '';
ct := 2;
if filename[1] = '\' then
begin
X := 2;
while filename[x] <> '\' do
begin
copydir := copydir + filename[x];
inc(ct);
inc(x);
end;
copydir := '\' + copydir ;
delete(filename,1,ct);
chdir(copydir);
end;
if filename = '.' then
filename := '*.*';
findfirst(filename,archive,dirinfo);
if doserror = 18 then
begin
beep_hi;
Writeln('File not found.');
halt;
end;
while doserror = 0 do
begin
subdir := dest1;
filename := dirinfo.name ;
if subdir = '\' then
subdir := subdir + dirinfo.name
else
subdir := subdir + '\' + dirinfo.name;
write('Moving ',filename,' . . . ');
{$I-}
copy_file(filename,subdir);
{$I+}
if file_copied then
erase_file;
findnext(dirinfo);
end;
chdir(currentdir);
end.?$~ ight 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.');
writeln;
writeln('Description: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. ');
writeln;
writeln('Usage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] ');
writeln;
writeln(' If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or ');
writeln(' donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: ');
writeln(' ');
writeln(' Connect 2400! BBS ');
writeln(' (817) 485-9201 ');
writeln(' QBBS 2.03 ');
writeln(' ');
writeln(' or through your local post office at : MZ? ? 7 ? ?? @ X
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> R W e ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? 9 L [ m w ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? " + ) }Q i_ i? i ???U??1??????P??d P???>??]?\A:\a:\B:\b:\C:\c:\D:\d:\E:\e:\U??? ????? ? W?% W?f?u?? ? W?' W?f?u?? ? W?+ W?f?u?? ? W?/ W?f?tw? W?3 W?f?tf? W?7 W?f?tU? W?; W?f?tD? W?? W?f?t3? W?C W?f?t"? W?G W?f?t? W?K W?f?u*?? ?W? W?v?? W??? W?? P????2?? ?W? W?v??% W??? W??? W?? P?????]?done.U??1????? W?
??w?? W? ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w?? W??
??w??? W??
??w???]?Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.U??1?????<At<au?<:u?P? i?6??8??? <Bt<bu?<:u?P? i?6??8??? <Ct<cu?<:u?P? i?6??8??? <Dt<du?<:u?P? i?6??8??s<Et<eu?<:u?P? i?6??8??S<Ft<fu?<:u?P? i?6??8??3<Gt<gu?<:u?P? i?6??8??<\u? P? i?6??8??m??2??6? 8?u&????\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w?1????? W?? ??w?;8?|,;6?v&????\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w?1??????]?K???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????K? MOVE --------- File Relocation Utility --------- v1.0 ------ 11-26-88 ?K???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????K(c) Copyright 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.KDescription: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. KUsage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] K If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or K donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: K K Connect 2400! BBS K (817) 485-9201 K QBBS 2.03 K or through your local post office at : K Sean Gallagher K P.O. Box 394 K Colleyville TX 76034 U??1?????\? W?! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?<W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??\? W? W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??\? W?lW1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?PW1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?4W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w?1??????]?File not found.Access denied.Path not found.Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.U??? ????? ?~W?? ?W?? P????~W?? ?W?? P???? W?? ?W?? ??? W?? ?W?? ?? W? P?? ??m??2??2?= u(?h??\? W??
W1?P?? ??! ??w?1?????+= u&?;??\? W??
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&? &?> ?u&? ?t??v?? x?? p??? ?t3??p??r?????2PS??\?&?> ?u &? &?. ?t??L?!?????? ??>?? u?????g???6?D&;U|&;r&;U|&;Ew??? ?????+?r?? r??? ?,???????????PR????????????ZX???U?? ?t` ??y
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3?&?E ? &?E
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???u R?V&?M&? ?!Z r;?t?????]? ???d ??@?e U???~???u??F
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?J?u!?F&?e???F&?e???&? ? B?!s???]? ?F r&?M??t3??N?? ?/ r????&?M??t3??3?? ? r
;?u ;?u?? 2?? ??6?&?}??u+3?3?&? ?B?!RP3?3?&? ?B?![YRP??&? ? B?!Y[????g 3?3????? 6?W??0?A?! s???? U????P ?v?~??<Ov?O??2???2???V
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?u? ??]? U??3??V ?t? ?~ ? \?????? ]? 3?? ???\??? &?
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?tC&???&? ??]? U????? ?U ?F?
?t ??:u<ar, ,A????!?~? t?;?K ??]? U????? ? ?9?6 ??]? U????? ? ?:?! ??]? ?v?~???<r??????2?? ? ?V? ?! s???? ? [_????????????2???2??????[_?????????2????????+?H??O??N???????? subdir := subdir + dirinfo.name
else
subdir := subdir + '\' + dirinfo.name;
write('Moving ',filename,' . . . ');
{$I-}
copy_file(filename,subdir);
{$I+}
if file_copied then
erase_file;
findnext(dirinfo);
end;
chdir(currentdir);
end. U) $??H?J???j?A??IRPP ? ?U$? IE*"??k?A? D!J?J??'?V??vP?BE]?j?BIP "Q$$??UUv?T??$"? ?? ???HR"???DV?+?( @ ?$?? MZ? ? 7 ? ?? @ X
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> R W e ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? 9 L [ m w ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? " + ) }Q i_ i? i ???U??1??????P??d P???>??]?\A:\a:\B:\b:\C:\c:\D:\d:\E:\e:\U??? ????? ? W?% W?f?u?? ? W?' W?f?u?? ? W?+ W?f?u?? ? W?/ W?f?tw? W?3 W?f?tf? W?7 W?f?tU? W?; W?f?tD? W?? W?f?t3? W?C W?f?t"? W?G W?f?t? W?K W?f?u*?? ?W? W?v?? W??? W?? P????2?? ?W? W?v??% W??? W??? W?? P?????]?done.U??1????? W?
??w?? W? ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w?? W??
??w??? W??
??w???]?Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.U??1?????<At<au?<:u?P? i?6??8??? <Bt<bu?<:u?P? i?6??8??? <Ct<cu?<:u?P? i?6??8??? <Dt<du?<:u?P? i?6??8??s<Et<eu?<:u?P? i?6??8??S<Ft<fu?<:u?P? i?6??8??3<Gt<gu?<:u?P? i?6??8??<\u? P? i?6??8??m??2??6? 8?u&????\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w?1????? W?? ??w?;8?|,;6?v&????\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w?1??????]?K???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????K? MOVE --------- File Relocation Utility --------- v1.0 ------ 11-26-88 ?K???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????K(c) Copyright 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.KDescription: Moves file(s) to a specified directory or drive. KUsage: MOVE [filename] [d:][\path] K If you use MOVE and enjoy it, any comments, suggestions , or K donations are gladly accepted. I can be reached via modem at: K K Connect 2400! BBS K (817) 485-9201 K QBBS 2.03 K or through your local post office at : K Sean Gallagher K P.O. Box 394 K Colleyville TX 76034 U??1?????\? W?! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?<W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??\? W? W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??\? W?lW1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?PW1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?4W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W??W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w?1??????]?File not found.Access denied.Path not found.Drive not ready.#Target disk is full. MOVE aborting.U??? ????? ?~W?? ?W?? P????~W?? ?W?? P???? W?? ?W?? ??? W?? ?W?? ?? W? P?? ??m??2??2?= u(?h??\? W??
W1?P?? ??! ??w?1?????+= u&?;??\? W??
W1?P?? ??! ??w?1?????8??? W? P?
??m??2??>2?u&????\? W??
W1?P?? ??! ??w?1?????>2?? u&????\? W??
W1?P?? ??! ??w?1?????>2?u&????\? W??
W1?P?? ??! ??w?1?????>2? t?4? ??4?? W?3 W??P?- W??
??w??? W?3 W?6- ?+ W??
??w??>- u???]? LMOVE v1.0 (c) 1988 SoFtWare Group. Unauthorized modification is prohibited.\.*.*File not found.Moving . . . ? ?? ???? ?? ? ?t
?? ?= u???? P? W?? P?? ??\? W?? W1?P?? ??! ??w??\? W?! ??w??? ?W? P?o ?? W?? P????? ?W? P?o ?? W?? P????X?? W? W?? P???? ?1 ?>\t?? ?/ ?>/ ?? \tA?? ?W? W?v??? ?W?>/ ?? P?????? W?? P????1 ?/ ???? ?W?0
W?v?? W??? W?? P???? W? P?61 ??? W?
??w?? W?2
W?f?u?4
W? W?? P??