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COMPUTER DAFFY-NITIONS
RESOLUTION: What you need to purchase a $3,000.00
computer that you know will be obsolete before you
finish paying for it.
READ ONLY MEMORY: Memory that is so expensive you
can only read about it.
MULTI-MEDIA: Reading the newspaper while watching
cartoons on television and listening to Rush
Limbaugh on the radio.
MONITOR: What your boss is probably doing to your
network e-mail messages.
NET-WORK: What Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabaar
and Michael Jordan are famous for.
MOUSE PAD: Where Mickey takes Minnie after the cartoon
is over.
RAM-CACHE: Money you spend to increase your computer's
memory capacity.
MEMORY CHIPS: Available in barbecue, sour cream and
onion, and the ever popular regular flavor.
DIP SWITCH: When someone replaces your onion dip with
that cheap bean dip everyone hates.
STATIC RAM: Memory chips that just sit in a drawer
somewhere because they aren't compatible with your
latest upgrade.
HARD DRIVE: The 460 yard par 4 17th hole at Pebble Beach.
ARCHIVE: A nest of buzzing stinging arcs.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE: The language used to describe how
to put bicycles,swing sets and other large objects
together. Probably a derivative of non-linear B, which
has never been translated to English.
BACKUP: What your spouse makes you do when you stop in
front of the computer shop.
KEYBORED: That lazy feeling you get after three hours
of retyping your company's quarterly report.
MOUSE-CLIQUE: Uppity computer users who brag about
their mouse-compatible computers.
MEGA-BITE: The chunk of money removed from your wallet
when you bought your computer.
PRO-GRAM: A grandmother who has renounced her amateur status.
AUTOMATRON: A programmable grandmother.
RE-CURSION: What a programmer does (says) when his program repeatively
doesn't work.