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Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 11 Num. 23
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("Quid coniuratio est?")
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BILL CLINTON: A LAUGH RIOT
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"Wee Willie Clinton runs all around.
He's uptown, downtown, in his night-gown."
"Wow! Hubba-hubba! Look at that chick!" exclaims Governor Bill
Clinton (Arkansas) to an Arkansas State Police bodyguard. "Go
get her! I'll be up in my hotel room."
Paula Jones, a state employee, is summoned to meet with the
then-Governor of her state. She enters Bill Clinton's hotel
room. The door is closed behind her. By way of introduction,
Bill Clinton says, "You sure are a fox! Have you ever 'done it'
with a real live Governor before!?"
She is embarrassed. The smooth young Governor makes his next
move. He pulls down his pants and exposes his erect member.
"Kiss it," he commands.
Bill Clinton's penis must have been erect. A sworn affidavit by
Ms. Jones, as reported in the Washington Times (10/15/97),
describes the "distinguishing characteristic" of Bill Clinton's
penis as "a distinctly angled bend visible when the penis is
erect."
In 1969-74 we had "Tricky Dick" Nixon. Today, we have "Crooked
Dick" Clinton.
Governor Bill did not "score" with Paula Jones, but he has been
lucky with numerous other sexual "conquests." For example, the
leonine Lothario had a jolly time with former Miss Arkansas,
Sally Perdue. Says Ms. Perdue:
When I see him now, president of the United States, meeting
world leaders, I can't believe it... I still have this
picture of him, wearing my black nightgown, playing the sax
badly; this guy, tiptoeing across the park and getting
caught on the fence. How do you expect me to take him
seriously? (Spotlight, 2/7/94)
So you see, Sally Perdue even still gets a chuckle from our Mr.
Bill.
Bill did another funny thing one time when he needed a haircut.
He was President and in Air Force One, on the runway. But it was
time for a haircut! Bill Clinton must have had a laugh when he
caused air traffic to grind to a halt while a barber was brought
aboard. "Snip, snip, snip," went the barber's shears; "Haw, haw,
haw," laughed Bill Clinton as he lorded it over delayed airline
passengers.
Now Bill Clinton is down in South America. Prior to arrival in
Brazil, the Clinton team asked the entire nation of Brazil, equal
in size to the continental United States, to temporarily suspend
daylight savings time. (Brazil is in the southern hemisphere.)
Brazil was asked to go back to standard time while Big Bill was
there so that the laugh-a-minute leader's "scheduling" problems
would be eased. (Electronic Telegraph, 10/14/97)
In Brazil on October 14th, the Brazilian people tried to get in
on the fun our chief executive inspires. Crowds threw manure on
Bill Clinton's limousine as it snaked through the city of
Brasilia. (AP 10/14/97) The practical joke did not seem to anger
Bill, who was not "burned up" about it. But when the Brazilians
next burned Clinton in effigy, he must have been wondering,
"What's funny about that?"
Next stop is Argentina for the big, goofy guy from Arkansas.
After that, who knows? Bet on this: there's bound to be
laughs-a-plenty!
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
For related stories, visit:
http://www.shout.net/~bigred/cn.html
http://feustel.mixi.net
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Aperi os tuum muto, et causis omnium filiorum qui pertranseunt.
Aperi os tuum, decerne quod justum est, et judica inopem et
pauperem. -- Liber Proverbiorum XXXI: 8-9