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Note to Self

~shiloh

I just wrote this in my journal, figured I'd share it with you guys:

"Hey bro, go and ask out [Name]. Yes, tomorrow. Life is way more important than college relationships, there are way bigger fish to fry. So do it so there aren't any what-ifs. If she says yes, awesome! Push forward and learn and try to be the best person possible. If she says no, well, I only have 1 class with her for 1 semester, so it's not the end of the world. In that case, be the best friend (or, at the very least, classmate) possible. Both of those results are far, far more preferable than the Path of Not Knowing and the Path of Regret and the Path of Not Trying."

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Replies

~eaplmx wrote (thread):

Ah, many memories arrive to my mind. Bad advice and 'wrong' decisions too. And many learnings. How to be rejected, how to be accepted by yourself and by someone else. Nice memories at the end.

I could assume many things from your text, and I think you want to read other people experiences, so I leave my random thoughts here.

What worked for me (guy in his 20s w/o real life experience looking for girls) was doing the opposite. Instead of asking 'Do you want to have a strong long term relationship with me?' to a girl I've never talked before it was more like, 'Let's be friends', so I friend-zoned first, and a few months later the door was opened to something more. Slow and painful, but this week wife and I are celebrating 9 years of relationship, so... It depends on what you are looking for and what they/he/she are interested in.

Lastly, any advice is useless, every relationship is different. So follow your instincts and recalculate with each try.

~inquiry wrote (thread):

Just so long as 30/40 years from now you're not kicking yourself for not having encountered information pertaining to the so-called "Celibacy Path" sooner.... ;-)

~starbreaker wrote (thread):

Good.

Also, it's the other person's job to decide for themselves whether or not they want to date you? Don't deny them their agency. Alternatively, what have they done for you that you should make their lives easier by sparing them the effort of rejecting you?