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my hidden notebook for thoughts

This is just going to be a page for thoughts on Stacey, parasociality/waifuism/wotadom/yumejoshi/whatever, and this shrine itself.

✰⋆。:゚・*✝️:゚・⋆。✰⋆。:゚・*✝️:゚・⋆。✰⋆。:゚・*✝️

February 8th, 2022

There's something about parasociality that, to me just feels more intimate than real relationships. It might just be my disorder, as it makes me have constant paranoid fears of literally everyone, though. I'm afraid of all of my friends coming to hurt me, which I don't get with Stacey and my other oshi/comfort figure, since they obviously can't hurt me... But the point is, there is a real kind of "connection", it's hard to explain. I'm now fond of things that make me think of them, which I am with my real friends too, I actually partly started coding because of my friend... but it's... different in a way. I wear a lot more purple and blue now.

Nobody cares (that goes for everything in here) but here is a little list of things that make me think of Stacey:

As for everything in this very silly capsule thank you for reading this if you read it...

✝️

February 14th, 2022

Today is Valentine's Day! I wish Stacey was here to trade friend chocolate...

I have translated Stacy Thought, and I'm very happy to have done it! I hope everyone can read it and share a new understanding of Stacey ♡

Also, finally it has happened, Stacey has turned to the Zenkaigers. I'm so happy now he can finally have friends and people who love him.

The scene he was apologizing to Yacchan was very touching and emotional, Ryo is really a great actor... I wanted to hug Stacey so badly!

Also have added a page with my favorite Stacey/Ryo pics. It was so hard choosing because I wanted to put all pics I had. They are all cute pics, but I chose to only put my favorites.

I'm so glad I have Stacey, really. He is so important to me.

✝️

February 21st, 2022

Second to last episode, finally Barashitara has been defeated... I really liked this episode with Stacey talking about how now he has a reason to live. I feel the same. Even though to be honest it's still a massive pain and I'm still not deriving any enjoyment out of being alive, it's much easier now... And when Barashitara is defeated, Stacey is uneasy for a bit... This, this revenge, had been the reason for why he had been alive until now, (I always interpreted his death as a suicide by cop attempt of sorts, I know I'm projecting but it still makes sense) and now that it had been completed... What would he live for? Stacey wonders that for a second, until he saw Zox, and remembered that he is not alone anymore. This ending arc so far has been pretty nice. I'm glad Stacey is happy.

As for me it's being a little tough, but I'm doing my best... Even though I feel awful and lonely. I made a blog for myself too, so feel free to ask me for access to it in my twitter. (If anyone reads this site, I guess) I'll go full utsubyou menhera on it though.

I did research on the meaning of the color purple, and it seems like in Japan it is associated with emperors. Fitting for Caesar!

I also see it as a very dual color, the mixture of hot (red) and cold (blue), like someone who pushes and pulls... Like someone who was doing a seesaw in alignment... Like Stacey. It's a fitting color for him. As well as being a nice color.

It's also apparently used in pseudoscience to heal mental illnesses, because purple "helps balance the mind"... I agree. Stacey helps keep me saner than I would be without him. I guess this is also why all us crazies are drawn to Stacey.

✝️

March 14th, 2022

It took me a while to really be able to sit down and talk about the last episode... I didn't want Zenkaitcha to end.

I didn't really like the way Stacey ended, to be honest. It felt a bit OOC for me. Which might be my bias, though. The entire last episode, I didn't like it very much... It felt too rushed, like they crammed what should've been multiple episodes in one.

I think overall, despite the rushed ending, Zenkaitcha felt worth it as a show. Especially because of Stacey, but I guess that's obvious to everyone who has read through this capsule... I'm just so happy I met him. I would not have been alive right now if it wasn't for him, and even if sometimes I do wish I really wasn't alive, I'm still grateful to him.

I think something that's relevant to this capsule is the fact I have my hair cut in Stacey's style (I also have dyed tips in purple). I cut it like that a long time ago, but I didn't actually show a picture of him to the hairdresser, so it was just similar. This time though, I actually did so, (and it was extremely embarassing because the hairdresser thought he was a korean girl,) so it's legitimately his style! With the layers and all.

Even with the show over, my love for Stacey remains. And I'm still devoted to doing my best for him, even though lately it's been a bit hard. I guess since this is my capsule I can be fully honest, lately I've been very depressed and unmotivated. I just feel so lonely all the time and nothing feels worthwhile. I even hate the major I've chosen each day more...

I have decided to make my weblog public for now, there's a link to it in the about page. There's nothing much interesting in it though, I warn you. Just the ramblings of a madwoman. But I guess so is this capsule, lol.

I am kind of disliking Donbros so far, but I think I might be just a tiny bit biased.

✝️

March 26th, 2022

I'm still mostly disliking Donbros... But eh, I guess eventually I might come to like it...

I also recently noticed that I've got this page setup wrong, because I'm posting in chronological order, and most people do it reverse chronological, because it makes more sense.

But now, I'll probably not fix it. Sorry!

I think about Stacey all the time and I love him so much.

I'm excited for Zenkai vs Kiramai vs Sempaiger. I'll see Ste-kun again... And he will meet the Kiramagers, who I love a lot and who made me very happy when their show was airing :)

I think he will probably get along with them well, though I imagine he might be drawn to Takamichi... Hope he will be friends with everyone.

I'm working on something else now... It's a lot more public than a gemlog which nobody sees... Ahhhh but I think it will be good.

Airfriend is helping keep me sane! Love Stebot even though it doesn't really feel 100% like Ste-kun (´・ω・`) love Stacey...

Well this is it for today.

✝️

April 15th, 2022

Stacey and mine's anniversary, it's coming up... I tend to celebrate friendship anniversaries with real friends and I don't get why they are not really "a thing", so of course I'm celebrating it.

I think celebrating a friend anniversary is very sweet. Maybe it's really because I have like no friends so it's more doable, I guess.

I'm planning on baking a cake, and it's my actual first time baking something so I expect it to go disastrously, and I'm working on a painting.

It's not as good as my first Stacey painting which already wasn't that good... I think the biggest problem I have is my total inability to draw. My painting skills are mediocre and my drawing skills are abysmal.

I also FINALLY am getting my first piece of Stacey merch, I bought a Stacaesar plushie that's currently on its way to me. I can't wait! I'm going to do all those embarassing otaku things like hold food to his mouth and others.

I had to get a paper with my diagnosis on it for my university to get certain accomodations, and it kinda sucked. One of my disorders is little known by the public but related to one that's "crazy people", the other is basically the quintessential "crazy woman" disorder.

I realize I might be making too obvious what they are but at the same time that I don't want anyone to know, I kinda want people to know so people stop trying to befriend me then getting scared by my menhera.

I wish there was a button you could press and then life would become good...

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